Mine is the first generation where a good number of men were raised by feminists. Those men I know who weren't are actually a bit bitter about it and feel that they had to relearn everything about men and women since their own parents were not good role models. Those I know raised by feminists do just fine, better than most men.
My mother and I had a lot of conversations about the differences between her generation and mine after she divorced by piggy stepfather. My mother wondered if it really made a difference and I optimistically said that it did. And I think that it really did, even for men whose mothers were not feminist, because they still grew up in a feminist culture. I thought about all the things that my father and especially my stepfather expected of my mother that are not expected of me and I'm much relieved:
- If I marry, I won't change my name. This will not cause a problem, and if any man I married had the nerve to raise a fuss, our friends would shame him.
- Today, I started vaccuming the carpet and my boyfriend vaccumed the kitchen floor without question. The men of my fathers' generation wouldn't think of it.
- I have a lot of male friends who immediately think of me when certain subjects come up and they call me to ask my opinion.
- If I got married, I could expect that my husband would wear a ring like I have to, no questions asked.
- I don't have to get married.
- I don't have to have children.
- If I'm looking to get a raise, my boyfriend not only applauds that, he gets all righteous and stuff if it doesn't happen. If I made more than him, he'd be happy as a clam. He makes more, but he knows that isn't some indicator that he's more deserving or something like that.
- I do most of the driving. My boyfriend offers once in awhile, but only to relieve me. He doesn't think that other people laugh at him for this, because they don't.
I could go on, but you get the point. We have miles to go, but it's nice to take a moment to appreciate what our foremothers did before us.
If feminist-women raise young boys to be profeminist men, then when those profeminist men become fathers to sons (and daughters), they will continue the cycle of instilling the ideals of gender equality within the next generation.
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ReplyDeleteAs a soon-to-be father, I read this & the source article with interest. I wasn't raised by feminsts exactly, but my parents did try to instill some gender equity in thier children and did not have different rules/expectations for the girls & boys. I think they were pretty sucessful. 4 out of my 5 sisters are in the sciences for example. (4 out of 5 scientists recommend feminist boys...)
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