Friday, May 28, 2004

Shaking off the oppression of facts

If there is one thing that the right has taught us, it's that no amount of facts or evidence is enough to allow a politically inconvenient truth to be accepted as the actual truth. If you don't want to hear it, simply deny that it's true and then whine that your false viewpoint isn't given a bare minimum of 50%, if not more, of airtime, classtime, whatever in interest of "fairness" and "balance". (As we all know, "fairness" and "balance" will never be truly achieved until the right can cram any old lie down our throats without any threat at all of being called on it.)
The tactic of demanding that proven lies be given equal or more time as the scientific truth used to be reserved to a handful of issues, and the occasional expedient situation (Iran-contra, Watergate). The fight against teaching evolution laid down the strategy. First of all, declare your opponent's facts to be "beliefs", equal to any other. Then demand that all beliefs be given fair treatment.
Now there are sorts of facts that are "balanced" by blatant lies that support the right wing agenda. Abstinence-only ed. doesn't work, gays are normal, global warming is real--all are denied with a straight face by right wingers and the media feels obliged to equate their lies with the truth in the interest of balance. And while the feeling that lies are as good as the truth is spreading and quickly, there are still huge inconvenient facts that are just sitting out there unchallenged by the right wing. They need to get cracking!

My suggestion for the next fact that needs to be challenged and confused until people can't tell lies from truth: Where babies come from.

Think about it! It's perfect! I mean, the fact that babies come from sexual intercourse means that good conservative values (having babies and lots of 'em) are unfortunately overlapping with perverse liberalism (have sex, lots of it). It's obviously not enough to declare any non-procreative sex as perverse. Stupid Americans tend to mix up the procreative kind with the non-procreative kind because they look and feel roughly the same. And then worse they start thinking that they like the sex stuff but don't want the babies. And then they start thinking if other people want to have private sex lives, well, that's their business. Obviously, letting people know where babies come from starts people down a slippery slope to sin and even worse, to liberalism.
Until good family values and lots o' babies gets untangled from dirty, perverse sex, there's no hope. So I propose that right wing pundits start demanding that the stork theory receive equal time with the sex theory as to where babies come from. If someone challenges you with bothersome "facts", just say that one belief system is equal to another and Americans should decide for themselves whether babies come from the stork or from unspeakable perversions.
The next step of course is to beat feet back to the right wing media and start blasting off talk show segments, interviews, and magazine articles that decry the menace of secular humanists running around oppressing Christianity by claiming that life, yes human life itself! comes from perverse behaviors of communists who think they can just go around acting like perverts.
There's no choice. Until all sex is seen as disgusting, unpatriotic and unspeakably perverse, we will be sliding downhill into another Rome, with orgies and laziness. And the argument can't be made as long as people continue to think that something evil like sex can result in something good like more and more babies.

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