Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Sex advice from a virgin

This rules.
Virgin Ben manages to explain not only how to discover your own gender, but also why you should never walk beside him while he is going to the bathroom, since he will be unzipping his pants to verify that he knows which one to use:

Silly me. I thought that deciding which bathroom to use was a relatively simple operation: Check a few inches below your belly-button, and use the restroom that corresponds with your particular set of genitalia. That solution should cover 99.99 percent of human beings, no? If you are a guy but enjoy wearing women's clothing -- well, don't be shocked when people make fun of you. That's life.

Agreed. And under his rules, I should feel free to point and laugh at his weak excuses for not being able to get laid. Hey, if you can't score, that's life and I get to mock you.
Anyway, Ben, since by your own admission you haven't had hands-on experience with what women keep zipped up a few inches below their belly buttons, can you be so sure that it's that easy a test?
Personally, I like the movie test of whether a person is a man or a woman. When he/she takes off a helmet, if a cascade of shiny, wavy hair falls out in slow motion, the it's a woman.

Via World O'Crap.

18 comments:

  1. Anonymous6/23/2004

    So, if I'm a virgin, but I don't write silly Townhall columns, do you still get to mock me?

    Come to think of it, I wish I *did* have a townhall column. But just because I enjoy pretending to be a right-winger sometimes. (once I trolled Alas, A Blog as a right-to-lifer! It wasn't that much fun, though: people are too civil there, damnit!)

    Julian Elson

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  2. Nah, I don't get to mock you. The real crime is talking out of your ass. Virginity is just an easy target.

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