Making the world safe for John Ashcroft

I doubt there's anyone reading this that isn't aware that Ashcroft cannot handle artistic portrayals of nudity without getting embarrassing public hard-ons that sort of discredit his anti-lust campaigning.
Well, covering up just one statue has not fixed the problem. Hell, in this scary world, you might encounter artistically rendered nudity in all sorts of places, like museums, and even supposed houses of God. What's a good Christian to do?
Well, I don't know. But the good folks at Worth 1000 have made tenative first steps to making it safer for John Ashcroft and many others to leave their homes.