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Friday, June 25, 2004

Cursing primer

Via Atrios, we learn that Cheney is doomed to hell for telling Pat Lehey to go fuck himself. We at Mousewords agree that the frequent use of curse words is why this country is going to hell. We also agree with our Commander-in-Chief, that it doesn't count if you curse in Spanish, since good Christians don't speak Spanish and don't know what you're saying and therefore don't have the sin of having heard curse words on their soul. They are still trying to wipe the sin of seeing Janet Jackson's nipple off their soul, so it's really unfair to burden them further.
So, as a public service, Mousewords is offering a primer on Spanish substitutes for common dirty words so that you may express your uglier side without dooming the country to hell by tarnishing God's own language, English. Bear with me if my spelling or exact definitions are off. My Spanish is no better than the President's English, so I'm bound to make mistakes.

Substitute Curse Words for Republicans and Other God-fearing Politicians

1) pinche(adj): This word is an adjective, perfect for disparaging someone or something. Can be used to replace "damn" or "fucking".
Ex. This pinche car has broken down again!

2) pendejo(noun): Insulting name. It's a way of calling someone trash, but for our purposes, it's a perfect subsitute for "asshole".
Ex. That pendejo I have for a neighbor is parking his car in front of my house.

3) huevos(noun): According to the President, it means "courage". Literally, it means "eggs". It's best translated as the equivalent of "balls".
Ex. It took alot of huevos to just go up and kick that biker dude in the huevos like that.

4) puta(noun): Most people would describe it as meaning "slut", but they are just being abashed. It really means "whore".
This is a word that conservative pundits need to embrace, as it is perfect for one of the 10 Standard Conservative Editorials, specifically #4: Girls These Days Like Sex And This Is Wrong. The major problem with these editorials, besides the general philosophy, is that the word "skank" is inexplicably favored as the best word to tarnish a woman's reputation, I guess because it's somehow less of a curse word that "slut".
It's a horrible word that rattles the ears, though. I suppose it's the harshest word they could come up with that's not an actual naughty word, until now. I propose "puta" as a replacement.
Ex. Don't look now, but that puta is hitting on your man again.
*This word is also good for another common phrase, "hijo de puta"--the equivalent of "son of a bitch".

Hopefully, these 4 or 5 words will go far in cleaning up the language you hear around D.C. and we can, as a nation, get closer to God. I would include more Spanish curse words on my list, but when I asked a Spanish-speaking friend to help me, he was inexplicably offended at my theory that Spanish words don't count.

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you for telling me how to say
slut and fucking.

9/06/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

go fuck a cow.

9/06/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you're not Latino, don't bother using these words stick to your language. If you're gonna cuss then do it. That's ridiculous.... now there will be people in Kentucky saying "Pinche puta come back here!". Whether or not you're cussing in English or Spanish, you are still doing it. And English is NOT God's language. It's a proven fact to be one of the ugliest and most boring languages.

9/14/2005

 
Anonymous pigtails said...

Hilarious.
Some people have no sense of humor. Tell them to besa mi cula (Kiss my ass).
Cheers!

9/28/2005

 
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2/15/2006

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just came across this while researching on yahoo...
BTW... it's BENDEJO
with a B

I agree with the other poster - if you're not latino, don't bother

Point 2 - why even bother trying to mix it up?

7/05/2007

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To whomever said this...

"I just came across this while researching on yahoo...
BTW... it's BENDEJO
with a B"

It starts with a P and is Pendejo! Know the facts if you are going to take the time to leave a comment!

8/31/2007

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hhgi my name iz mickeal yap im goin out wit ceasar i am gay

6/04/2008

 
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