Cursing primer

Via Atrios, we learn that Cheney is doomed to hell for telling Pat Lehey to go fuck himself. We at Mousewords agree that the frequent use of curse words is why this country is going to hell. We also agree with our Commander-in-Chief, that it doesn't count if you curse in Spanish, since good Christians don't speak Spanish and don't know what you're saying and therefore don't have the sin of having heard curse words on their soul. They are still trying to wipe the sin of seeing Janet Jackson's nipple off their soul, so it's really unfair to burden them further.
So, as a public service, Mousewords is offering a primer on Spanish substitutes for common dirty words so that you may express your uglier side without dooming the country to hell by tarnishing God's own language, English. Bear with me if my spelling or exact definitions are off. My Spanish is no better than the President's English, so I'm bound to make mistakes.

Substitute Curse Words for Republicans and Other God-fearing Politicians

1) pinche(adj): This word is an adjective, perfect for disparaging someone or something. Can be used to replace "damn" or "fucking".
Ex. This pinche car has broken down again!

2) pendejo(noun): Insulting name. It's a way of calling someone trash, but for our purposes, it's a perfect subsitute for "asshole".
Ex. That pendejo I have for a neighbor is parking his car in front of my house.

3) huevos(noun): According to the President, it means "courage". Literally, it means "eggs". It's best translated as the equivalent of "balls".
Ex. It took alot of huevos to just go up and kick that biker dude in the huevos like that.

4) puta(noun): Most people would describe it as meaning "slut", but they are just being abashed. It really means "whore".
This is a word that conservative pundits need to embrace, as it is perfect for one of the 10 Standard Conservative Editorials, specifically #4: Girls These Days Like Sex And This Is Wrong. The major problem with these editorials, besides the general philosophy, is that the word "skank" is inexplicably favored as the best word to tarnish a woman's reputation, I guess because it's somehow less of a curse word that "slut".
It's a horrible word that rattles the ears, though. I suppose it's the harshest word they could come up with that's not an actual naughty word, until now. I propose "puta" as a replacement.
Ex. Don't look now, but that puta is hitting on your man again.
*This word is also good for another common phrase, "hijo de puta"--the equivalent of "son of a bitch".

Hopefully, these 4 or 5 words will go far in cleaning up the language you hear around D.C. and we can, as a nation, get closer to God. I would include more Spanish curse words on my list, but when I asked a Spanish-speaking friend to help me, he was inexplicably offended at my theory that Spanish words don't count.