Max Power gets mail

Today's missive from the George Bush re-election campaign is whinier than usual.

Dear Max,
The Democrats have had their party. Now it's our turn.

I am beginning to see a pattern here. "Fine! Have a fun party and act like you're soooo cooool. But we're going to have a party and it will be just as much fun! We may not have Ben Affleck, but we have Charleton Heston. And if they were roughly the same age, Heston would probably win in a fight. Five to three odds, our bookie says."

"Pretty" girl Ann: "Yeah, and at least we won't have any hairy-legged feminists at our party. That's probably because there aren't that many girls there to begin with. Luckily, we have more money so we can buy pretty girls at $3,000 an hour."

Well, you Joe Schmo at home is voting for Bush because you don't like terrorists and you really don't like hairy-legged feminists, not that you know any hairy-legged feminists, do not get a chance to pour a bottle of Dom Perignon over the breasts of a $3,000 hooker and then snort coke off her ass, but that does not mean that the Bush campaign doesn't have some entertainments for your convention party.

In millions of homes around the country, families, friends and neighbors will gather for the National Convention Watch Party - our third national party day - to hear the President speak and watch the balloons drop.

Apparently, the GOP thinks that the little people get all wound up about watching a bunch of balloons drop from the ceiling. If the person who wrote this letter ever bothered to drop by Disney World, I imagine that he would see that your average person now demands way more money spent on their entertainment special effects than that.

Nonetheless, I realized I might not be entirely fair about this. After all, the letter was addressed to Max, and not me. Max has no interest in the things that entertain the average person, but he swears up and down that he would be very interested in watching thousands of balloons fall from the ceiling. So, I guess they really are tailoring their message to their audience.