Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Eating when everyone is watching

Hugo has an interesting post about how food is such a source of anxiety for women, who are under tons of pressure to stay thin, of course, but also because sensual enjoyment in women is still a big, fat taboo. I can think of, right off the top of my head, hundreds of instances of women I know making comments about how they like to eat in private, as do I. Of course, there are many reasons for this, but one of the big ones is eating in private affords one the opportunity to do it without explanation or apology or anxiety. That and you don't have to display elaborate manners or keep a conversation going. As a number of people on the blog point out, women just can't seem to eat without having to apologize for it. Holly illustrates this with a common incident in many people's lives.

I've attended early morning meetings with groups of women and early morning meetings with groups of men and the different attitudes towards the inevitable plate of breakfast pastries is always striking. The plate of danishes at the women's meetings is always approached with palpable anxiety by the group. Someone *has* to make a "joke" that the pastries are fat-free or that she will start a diet tomorrow before a pastry can be touched. Then everyone laughs nervously and looks anywhere but at the plate. If someone else takes a pastry, she also has to make a joke about being a pig or being bad that day.

Men do complain, I've noticed, about fattening food but usually not in the presence of so many other men and certainly not automatically as women do. Women often feel required to complain even if they don't mean it.

But this is a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation, too. I've noticed a parallel situation that is discomfiting, too, and I have no idea how to handle it. If you go into a room with the pastries and everyone else has one but you don't, this is also a situation where your weight and eating habits are now up for discussion. I try to avoid the sweets, because they are empty calories, and I don't even like sweets. But telling people I don't want one opens up the guilt trip. By simply saying, no thank you, sometimes other women get offended like I'm sitting in judgement on them and they claim that I can get away with it because I'm thin, blah blah. And I don't want to say, "Jesus, I hardly starve myself. I'm probably going to go home and tear into some cheese and wine, and I just like to eat that better." Instead, I just usually say I don't like sweets, which is true but is received like it's a polite lie masking the inner anorexic.

I think that the insistence that one has to take the pastry is just more of the same fear of the sensual. Cheap office pastries aren't that tasty, so it's sort of a sinning isn't as bad if you didn't like it situation. When I turn my nose up to the pastries, I almost feel like people are imagining what kind of perverse pleasures I indulge in when they aren't looking. After all, we are familiar with the wicked indulgences that are far beyond eating stale sweets at the office--is the young woman going home after dodging Friday birthday cake to hit some smoky bar in a slinky red dress with a cigarette in one hand, a martini in the other and a rogue with a devilish twinkle in his eye beside her? (I wish.)

Okay, so I have an overactive imagination, but I think that there is something to the dance of the fattening foods that women do, and it's more complex than eating is bad, starving is good. By eating the treats laid in front of us while doing our mea culpas between bites, we communicate that yes, we have too much appetite, but at least it's right there in front and not really all that decadent. There is a ritual to eating and apologizing for it at the same time, an indication to others that we are sinners who are repenting for our appetites. By not playing, either by eating without apology or not eating even when others ask you to, you leave yourself open to speculation that lurking inside your heart is a passion for pleasures that are beyond apology.

108 Comments:

Blogger Hugo said...

Oh, that's very good, Amanda. The last paragraph is terrific. Thanks.

10/27/2004

 
Blogger Lenka said...

Very well said, Amanda. I think you've articulated the dynamics of the "female food dilemma" to a 'T'.

10/27/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amanda, well said. I would like to address the pastry power play that happens in too many of our work lives. It is usually "the boss" who brings the pastries for the weekly meeting. By accepting the pastry, you are giving "the boss" the big toadying thank-you-for-not-firing-me, and when you refuse the pastry, for whatever reason, you are deemed "ungrateful" in not only the eyes of "the boss" but in the eyes or your co-workers. The whole pastry give and take is a ploy by the boss to control the minions, either through her/his offense at the employee who doesn't take a donut, or through the co workers who look down on the non-donut eater as a rebel, and one not to be trusted. I have refused many a sugary pastry in weekly meetings, and have first hand witnessed this sublime management practice. Just my take on the whole being forced to eat in public thing.

10/27/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to add my praise for your excellent and thoughtful post. Thanks.
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Blogger amblongus said...

I think the Atkins Diet has made it okay for men to complain about the obligatory office donuts and pastries, but in a macho I'd-rather-be-eating-a-pound-of-bacon way....

10/28/2004

 
Blogger Kyria said...

So little of our food has much value, sensuous or nutritional (and what does is often quite expensive). It's almost as though you need to be on a compulsion/denial hamster wheel in order to eat at all.

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My pet theory is that it's so popular because it resolves the contradiction between the need to be thin and the need to consume, consume, consume.

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Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

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Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

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Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

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Have the feelings associated with the picture decreased in any way?

Another good example of NLP involves Anchors. Have you ever smelt a certain perfume or aftershave and had it remind you of a certain person or situation? Gone to a certain place that brings feelings long forgotten flooding back? Or been in any situation that creates emotional responses that would not normally be associated with it? Well if you can answer yes to any of these then you have experienced anchors. Some anchors are associated with positive feelings and some with negative emotions. However, you should be aware that anchors can be consciously installed or already existing ones altered. Here is an example:

Think of a time when you were really happy. If you can't think of one then imagine something that would make you feel really happy. See what you would see, hear what you would hear and feel what you would feel. Really get into the picture and try to experience it as though it were happening now.

Now brighten the colours and make them richer. Increase the volume. Make the picture bigger, brighter, louder. That's it and more and more....

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