MSN on how to quit being a nag

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Talk about the height of negative stereotyping. Nonetheless, I can sympathize with the plight of the "nagging" wife. It's true there are a lot of men out there who want their wives to play Mommy so they can rebel. And that's fine in the bedroom if that's your thing, but in real-life, well it would make me want to kick someone in the head. This one is well worth reading, so let's get on it.

Although nagging may seem like the only alternative, your constant harping may actually render your requests ineffectual. Love explains when people are nagged, it makes them defensive and they tune it out.

So clearly the better strategy is a hit-and-run wait until something really gets on your nerves and then yell and scream about it.

So then why can't he pick up his dirty underwear? Or stop snarfing the fatty snacks? Probably because he doesn't think this act will lead to your happiness. You'll just go down the list to the next thing you're dissatisfied about.

What a great excuse. I'm totally using that next time I have an argument with my boyfriend about some piddly crap. "If I change this, you'll just find something else to nag me about." So unfair and yet so hard to defend against. Perhaps he will learn never to argue with me. Perhaps by leaving, which seems to be the only appropriate response to someone who claims to want to make you happy but if they actually do something to make you happy, you will turn into a nagging ball of need so they can't.

Okay, so the problem is that your husband is doing something to make you miserable, but if you bring it up he's going to through a sexist slur in your face and chip away at your willingness to sleep with him rather than actually bother to quit cutting his toenails in bed. However, you're not sure you want to leave him, because a) divorce is expensive, b) other men might be just as bad and c) you do like him when he's not saying nasty things to you or ignoring that you have a need or two. So, what to do? Luckily, they some advice.

Love says that behind every nag is a desire. So to get what you want, avoid character attacks and cut to the chase, using what she calls the "PMS" guide. "Make it positive, measurable, and specific. Ask the right question for what you want and keep it short, short, short," she says.

Yeah, that's not offensive. It's not nagging, it's PMS! And keep it short because men, who are children in case you forgot for a moment, have short attention spans. We have some not-at-all made-up examples.

Mary Ann says: "If I have to look at your tools in the front yard for one more day, I'm going to scream."

Love says: "I'd like to make the place look nice for my book club. So sometime this weekend, could you bring your tools into the garage?"

Greg says: "I can be pretty forgetful about stuff like this, but if she just tells me what she wants without making me feel stupid it's a lot easier to remember."

It's nice to see the counselor taught Greg to use the same weaselly language that saves many a marriage. I think what Greg meant to say was, "If she can tell me what she wants without making me feel stupid, I won't refrain from doing it to show her a lesson."

Donna says: "If you spent as much time playing sports as you did watching them, you might be able to lose some weight."

Love says: "I've decided I want to get in better shape, and I thought it would be fun if we did something together."

Bill says: "Well, I don't want to go to dance-aerobics with her. But I have let myself go a bit, so it would be good to start running again."

Remember ladies, your fat asses are in no place to criticize anyone. If you just remember that working out is something you do to make your man happy, he may consent to losing some weight, too.

Rachel says: "You bought another piece of stereo equipment? How the hell do you expect to send our kids to college if you're blowing all this cash on junk?"

Love says: "I'm getting a bit worried that we're not saving enough for the kids' education. Could we sit down sometime this week and go over our finances?"

Tom says: "If we're going to get into a big thing about who's spending what, then I'd like to have all the numbers in front of me. I'm willing to compromise but she has to, too. Because frankly, those highlights she gets aren't cheap."

If you're going to criticize your man for how he manages yours and the children's futures, make sure that you never spend a single dime on yourself. The best way to avoid being a nag is to remember the family hierarchy--first comes husband, then children, and then if there are scraps left for you, find a way to give them back to your husband. Perhaps a new stereo?

Nora says: "Are you planning something special for my birthday?"
Love says: "You know what I would love to do for my birthday..."

Ken says: "Oh God, her birthday is the worst. She always expects something and I never have a clue what it is. If she just told me it would be so much easier."

Women--why do they keep thinking that their husbands should treat them with the same love and gratitude they owe their husbands? It's no wonder this woman's birthday is the worst. It's like she expects a present or something.

Olivia says: "What do you mean you're going for a bike ride? Your parents are visiting next weekend and we still haven't repapered the upstairs bathroom."

Love says: "Why don't we spend a couple of hours straightening things up, and then we'll take a bike ride."

Joe says: "Honestly, I'd rather bag the cleaning and just go for a bike ride. But at least this way I know there's an end in sight. And if she comes with me, she might see that sometimes riding your bike is more important than cleaning the bathroom."

This is the passage that made me realize that it's official. I'm a man and my boyfriend, despite the hairiness, is a woman. I am totally the person who blows off the cleaning when I need to be spending the morning doing it. Hell, I'm feeling guilty right now about it. Meanwhile, he will make a long list of people he figures will be seeing our house soon so we must clean it right now.