Manipulate that man into your boyfriend

Since we already know that men don't want to have committed relationships and women always want them, the problem that confronts us poor women is how to get a man to give in and commit. Cosmo is here to save the day. Their suggestion? To talk to him? Threaten to leave if you don't get a commitment? Get drunk, sleep with someone else and then laugh at him if he complains, pointing out that he doesn't have the right?

No, apparently not. These things can backfire and run a guy off. And since we know that half a man is better than no man at all, even if he's an asshole, you have to manipulate a guy into thinking commitment is his idea. Here are the tricks.

Take up extreme sports. Do that, and he may think he's losing you. The point here isn't so much that you risk your life but that you actually create more of a life outside his orbit. Canceling a date because you want to make him jealous is lame, but canceling a date because, hey, you've got your karate classes tonight and your flying lessons tomorrow, is sort of cool.

Translation: Don't sit around waiting for him. Do something fun while waiting for him.

Take a vacation. Jetting off with nothing but a bikini and the promise of a postcard gives him a small taste of life minus you. Plus, the freedom to flirt when you're ostensibly single cuts both ways, and if he's into you, that'll stick in his craw. "When my girlfriend told me she was going on a cruise with three of her friends, I figured, cool -- three weeks of bachelor days ahead," says Todd James* (names have been changed), a 29-year-old New York City public-relations executive. But then he saw how excited she was about the trip. "She kept talking about how they were going to get crazy -- and two of her friends didn't have boyfriends. I doubted Amy was going to sit on the boat drinking pina coladas alone while they hit the town." Long story short: The night before she left, he initiated The Talk.

Sounds like a lot of money and effort to get the equivalent of getting drunk and sleeping with one of his friends.

Act as if you've already had The Talk. In other words, take liberties. Adopt the role of the one and only girlfriend, fiancee, or whatever relationship status you aspire to. With our notorious lack of short-term memory, your guy may assume you two have already had The Talk, but he may not remember exactly when.

You can take this a step further and start acting this way before you even go out on a date. Just show up at the house of the guy you like in your pajamas and he may not even notice that he has never looked at you twice before.

Go out with your pal "Rocco." Men have a problem with so-called guy friends, men with whom women claim to have platonic relationships. In fact, I use the term so-called because guys don't believe there is such a thing as a guy friend, especially when it comes to a girlfriend they care about.

Translation: You don't have to actually sleep with someone else to make him think you're sleeping with someone else.

Mouse Words alternative advice: If your boyfriend is the sort who thinks that you sleep with all your male friends, dump him immediately.

Make a major independent financial decision. Talk about buying a car, a plot of land, a house, or maybe a Cessna. The reason: You're making him aware that you don't need him to move your life forward.

Is it me or does this article imply that men automatically don't want something if they think a woman wants it?

Anyway, buying a house might make a man commit if the guy you're seeing is a gigolo who is looking for a permanent sugar mama and was only holding back until he saw how much money you make.

Ask him if he's ever been to Guam. Or New Mexico. Or Phoenix. "I hear they have giant lizards there," you might say, toying with your pasta. "I'd like to live where there are giant lizards." By contemplating a big move -- to another city, country, or hell, another apartment (and out of your shared bedroom) -- you show him you're antsy with the current setup.

Translation: Tell him that you are fixing to leave and take your pussy with you. It might be easier to follow this advice if you are just straightforward about it.

Lastly, buy him a compass. Literally pick up a compass at a camping store, and attach a note that reads, "When you figure out where you're going, let me know. I may be here, but I may not. Love, (insert your name here)."

Screw that. If you're going to be cute about it, then you definitely should say, "If you don't commit I'm leaving and taking my pussy with me." Not only does it get the message across, no matter what his answer is your friends will treat you like a hero.