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Monday, November 29, 2004

Someone please think of the adulterers and abusers!

Bill Berowitz has an interesting article at Working for Change about the push to get more people to sign up for the Covenant Marriage in Arkansas. For those who don't know, covenant marriages are super-special marriages that are extra-hard to get out of. You undertake them to show that you are more special than other married couples and your reward is that if you want out, even if your spouse is beating you or cheating on you, you have to go through a counseling period and a cooling off period.

Basically, the covenant marriages are the Wife Beater Protection Act. The Christian right loves covenant marriages. I'm guessing the reason is that wives are supposed to submit graciously to their husbands, and one can't really be angry if the husbands occasionally have to resort to physical methods to remind their wives of this fact.

Apparently, not that many couples were that enthused about getting into marriages they can't get out of, even if there's abuse. (Well, get out of via divorce. The proliferation of guns in this part of the country makes another method of finding yourself suddenly single rather tempting, I'm sure.) According to this article, a mere 400 couples have gotten the Super Special Covenant Marriage since 2001, compared to 40,000 a year since then. One does wonder how many of these hard-to-leave marriages had the enthusiasm of both spouses going in. If I were a wife-beater, I myself would put some effort into persuading my bride that it's her Christian duty to enter the marriage titled No Exit. Especially if I wanted her to just flee the state, leaving my children behind with me out of desperation if it ever got to that point. Same story if I had a roving eye--I wouldn't want my spouse to just stomp out the second I was caught in bed with someone else.

Gov. Huckabee of Arkansas wants to have a mass wedding of 1,000 couples where at least one spouse wants to make it very, very difficult for the other to leave the marriage for whatever reason on Valentine's Day. I'm guessing it's a big fat Fuck You to the thousands of gay and lesbian couples who married on Valentine's Day this past year. I'm afraid that Gov. Huckabee is going to be sorely disappointed in the different qualities to the event. A weak offering of a couple hundred couples with cowed wives a dominant faction just won't compete well with the stream of joyous same sex couples that poured our of City Hall in San Francisco recently. A display of servitude to an oppressive institution just doesn't have that same Valentine's Day feel that a display of joyous love does.

272 Comments:

Blogger Carson Day said...

Why worry so much about the "Christian right," when, if they took their Bibles seriously, they would be calling upon the civil authorities to impose the deth penalty for sodomy - as the Bible clearly teaches (Lev. 18:22; Rom. 1; Jude vv. 7-9).

They don't even know enough of what the Bible teaches to know that EVERY marriage is made by way of a covenant, which is why the Bible calls marriage holy. They are neither consistently "Christian," nor "Right." Until they are willing to get more consistent, you have nothing to fear from them.

We Theonomists, however, are a different story. Much different.

11/29/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

But they do have a consistent message--bring back male power over women. Pretty much every move they make lately is to reinforce the holy gender roles. You'd think that all Christ talked about was the deep and abiding importance of women being barefoot and pregnant and men going out and killing tigers and not taking any backtalk.

11/29/2004

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

But people like Eve Tushnet respond to your concerns with the question "Why have marriage at all?" which strikes me as a good question. I can't make up my mind about whether marriage should be easy to get out of or not, but I'm less sure of the arguments for the easy-out side of things than I used to be. If two people simply love each other very much, then they can simply live together all their lives without getting married. More states are allowing civil unions to take care of health insurance and property matters. More corporations are extending benefits like health insurance to domestic partners. Why get married? It's pointless to get married just because you love somebody. Not getting married doesn't keep you from loving them. Or if marriage is about making a committment before one's god and before one's community, again, one can have a religious ceremony without having a legal ceremony. Nothing stops a couple from getting together with friends and family at a church and exchanging vows of committment. That wouldn't be a legal marriage, but if two people want to do it, they can go ahead and do it.

All of which leads to the question of why a society might want to have state-sanctioned, state-enforced marriage. One good answer is that state-sanctioned, state-enforced marriage is a big mistake. That is the libertarian argument, it suggests that marriage should be left to religions and the state should give no recognition to the state of matrimony.

I ask myself why a society might in fact want to have marriage, or why people might want to have a legally binding marriage when they say they want to be married. The only conclusion I can draw is that people wish to be bound together in a union that, though fragile, at least has the support of the state and therefore has, perhaps, a slightly greater chance of lasting than a union with no such backing. People are looking for stability and security when they think of marriage, and they look to the law to maximize what security they might find there.

This leads me to ask, if marriage is there simply to pressure people to stay together, then why would a society want to make it easy to get out of marriage? Why not make it as hard as possible? Again, two people can love each other very much and never get married. But if they do choose to get married, why are they choosing that other than their desire to have the state pressure them to stay together?

It seems to me that some quite reasonable arguments can be advanced in favor of covenant marriages.

11/30/2004

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

But people like Eve Tushnet respond to your concerns with the question "Why have marriage at all?" which strikes me as a good question. I can't make up my mind about whether marriage should be easy to get out of or not, but I'm less sure of the arguments for the easy-out side of things than I used to be. If two people simply love each other very much, then they can simply live together all their lives without getting married. More states are allowing civil unions to take care of health insurance and property matters. More corporations are extending benefits like health insurance to domestic partners. Why get married? It's pointless to get married just because you love somebody. Not getting married doesn't keep you from loving them. Or if marriage is about making a committment before one's god and before one's community, again, one can have a religious ceremony without having a legal ceremony. Nothing stops a couple from getting together with friends and family at a church and exchanging vows of committment. That wouldn't be a legal marriage, but if two people want to do it, they can go ahead and do it.

All of which leads to the question of why a society might want to have state-sanctioned, state-enforced marriage. One good answer is that state-sanctioned, state-enforced marriage is a big mistake. That is the libertarian argument, it suggests that marriage should be left to religions and the state should give no recognition to the state of matrimony.

I ask myself why a society might in fact want to have marriage, or why people might want to have a legally binding marriage when they say they want to be married. The only conclusion I can draw is that people wish to be bound together in a union that, though fragile, at least has the support of the state and therefore has, perhaps, a slightly greater chance of lasting than a union with no such backing. People are looking for stability and security when they think of marriage, and they look to the law to maximize what security they might find there.

This leads me to ask, if marriage is there simply to pressure people to stay together, then why would a society want to make it easy to get out of marriage? Why not make it as hard as possible? Again, two people can love each other very much and never get married. But if they do choose to get married, why are they choosing that other than their desire to have the state pressure them to stay together?

It seems to me that some quite reasonable arguments can be advanced in favor of covenant marriages.

11/30/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that any binding legal contract which forces people to behave a certain way and has no exits is probably a bad idea. E.g., if you sign a three-year contract with your employer, if you quit at one year, then they should stop paying you, and maybe your reputation as a reliable worker might suffer, but they shouldn't call the cops and get them to drag you to work. Contracts that demand that, say, you pay money to someone or give someone use of some of your property needn't be so easy to get out of, mind you: just contracts that demand that you behave, bodily, a certain way. People shouldn't have too much freedom to give up freedom.

That said, I think Amanda's "wife beater protection marriages" description is a bit simplistic. What about "serial marriage to young trophy wives prevention marriages?" I think that it would indeed be interesting to see whether the desire for a covenant marriage is usually on the side of one partner and, if so, which one, but I can't decide whether this is so or, if it is, which partner usually wants the covenant marriage.

Julian Elson

11/30/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

I don't actually think that most of the wingnuts who push for covenant marriage actually intend to protect wife-beaters from the consequences of their actions. That's just the result. And they know that it's a possible result, because "abuse" is built into the law a reason given that isn't good enough to end a marriage then and there. (Is it ever then and there, though?) They don't take the problem of domestic violence seriously, and I have to wonder at the reasons.

Divorce is something human society invented through trial and error. I don't think divorce is a reason to abandon marriage--it's never "easy", even if it is easier. To abandon marriage itself because half end in divorce strikes me as extreme as abandoning child-bearing because so many people don't live to be 80.

11/30/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good point, Julian. I too would be interested to know which partner tends to want covenant marriage the most. I'm not quite ready to buy the "cowed brides" picture without a little evidence. In my own limited experience, the most enthusiastic supporters of divorce reform that I have ever seen have been older women who were summarily dismissed and replaced with younger models, and their grown children who saw their families of origin destroyed by such irresponsibility.

11/30/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

I think I should remind everyone here that the majority of divorces are filed by women. Feminists were the ones who agitated for no-fault divorce, because laws that make it difficult to divorce affect women disproportionately because women have less money to spend on lawyers and less ability to deal with the financial stresses and mobility that accompanies a drawn-out divorce. Women married to well-off men who run off with trophy wives are not protected by difficult divorce laws, as their husbands can simply disappear for the requisite two years in order to get his divorce. A poor woman who is getting beat or discovers her husband is molesting the children has to be able to exit as quickly as possible, for safety reasons and for financial reasons.

11/30/2004

 
Blogger SaraS said...

I just had to respond to this comment from Lawrence:

"More states are allowing civil unions to take care of health insurance and property matters."

To my knowledge, Civil Unions are currently available in Vermont and California. There is talk of civil unions in Oregon and Conneticut as well. I would hardly call 4 states out of 50 "more states".

Sara

11/30/2004

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

"I think I should remind everyone here that the majority of divorces are filed by women."Without question, historically divorce was viewed as a women's rights issue. The early Protestant reformers were surprisingly liberal on the issue and then were later replaced by tendencies more likely to protect property (men's property, that is). Every one of the leaders of the Reformation (Luther, Calvin, etc) supported legalizing divorce. England had legal divorce for 60 years after the Reformation, then banned it again until the 1800s. Most Reformation states followed a similar pattern. The most radical sects insisted on allowing divorce among there members, and these sects also tended to have religious practices that maximized the chances of female partipation in the organization and running of their church. No matter where the debate is heading in America in the early 2000s, one can't deny that historically divorce and female emancipation have been related issues.


"Women married to well-off men who run off with trophy wives are not protected by difficult divorce laws, as their husbands can simply disappear for the requisite two years in order to get his divorce. A poor woman who is getting beat or discovers her husband is molesting the children has to be able to exit as quickly as possible, for safety reasons and for financial reasons."

Well, that scramble's the financial issue quite a bit. Either a woman has access to money or not, and that is a separate issue from whether the law favors easy divorce or not. It sucks to be poor and stuck in a bad place, and the divorce laws of your country don't change that much. No marriage law on the books forces a man or woman to keep house together, nor do any divorce laws give spouses the money to move apart and establish separate houses.

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