A troll's prayer

God, I know you have not blessed me with understanding of things like literature, mythology, linguistics, or even science or math. God, I know that my only really desire in life is to put bitches in their place. God, I know that they don't seem to get that even though they are smart and edumicated and shit, they are still bitches who don't know their place. And God, please don't lead me to troll blogs where the blogger gets so few trolls that she singles out those stupid enough to troll her blog and make examples of them. Because, Dear Lord, I am far too stupid to be singled out as an example. It's downright cruel to treat someone like the Mouse treats her trolls.

I get so few trolls, the ones I do get are a blessing.

That women are nothing more than overgrown male ribs that belong to men as much as your ribs belong to you, is something feverently believed to this day by a lot of Christians.Ah yes, nothing like hard numbers to back up your argument. Wait, where is the proof that "a lot of Christians" believe this? Oh right, you had this one time in high school when some idiot got proved wrong. Yeah... Okay.

This is really dumb. And not because you are a woman. Just because it's dumb. It would be dumb if you were a man too. But that doesn't really matter. Cause it's still dumb.

He would be cute if he weren't as poisonous as a rattlesnake. So invested is he in the notion that women are dumb that he couldn't stretch his brain around the fact that my little story functions as a metaphor. I assume my readers are smart enough to understand that my story was a somewhat humorous metaphor about how religious sorts avoid even the most basic proofs for their beliefs. The story was supposed to function as a microcosm of larger events that plague those of us that tend to be more invested in the truth rather than self-serving myths that are patently ridiculous.

I'm serious--get over it. The day that you fully understand that god didn't give you half of the human race as servants and do your own dishes, you will be free. The dishes aren't that hard to do. If they are really that hard, get a dishwasher. They sell them for about $200 for basic models now.

If you still don't get it, let me spell it out, trolly troll friend of mine. The girl who thought that men have one less rib than women was being no less ridiculous than people who think god created the Earth in 7 days. In fact, she was fully supportive of that viewpoint.

How many ways can I tell you to get over it, troll? Go to your bathroom with a picture of a chimpanzee. Take off all your clothes. Mull that over. If god really wanted us to be separate from the animals, why the hell do we look exactly like them? Not convinced? Go to the zoo. Watch a mother gorilla nurse her child with the same care and attention a human woman would give to hers. Still confused? Get a female friend and a male friend and count their fucking ribs.