How to be girly

Today's MSN advice is from one of my favorite blowhards, Mama Gena. The woman who writes in has broken up with her boyfriend and wants to be girlier, and I think there is a lot of confusion on what that means.

Is there anything I can do to make myself feel sexier more of the time? I was a tomboy until very recently. I am 25 years old, but I have never been very interested in ‘girly’ stuff until now. Since breaking up with my last boyfriend, I have begun to feel like I might like to explore that side of my life. I suspect there is a lot of power in being sexy. How do I even begin?

Please speak to me, Master Yoda. How can I find my power by embracing a model of sexiness centered around acting powerless? How can I giggle and simper my way to fame and fortune, Master? And if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?

You know, you are so right; an enormous amount of a woman’s power lives in her ownership of her own sensuality.

It's like getting a homestead exemption for your house. All it takes is filing a one-sheet piece of paper and sending it to the courthouse, and voila! You own your sexuality completely. Plus, there's a tax break for you.

Owning your sensuality does not mean you have to be promiscuous.

So this is a bit different from owning your own house. If you own your own house, you have to let everyone come over, whether you like them or not.

All you need to begin this journey is the interest. Feeling attractive is every woman’s birthright.

Which is why you only want to have one daughter. You don't want your girls to have to split the birthright of feeling attractive like they have to split your property when you die.

So, how to start? Well, if you want, you could break up the day into sections, and look at how to add a little juice infusion into each part of your day. For example: In the morning, when you wake up, have your favorite CD wake you instead of your alarm clock because you can put your favorite music on and wake up in a good mood. Keep your hot tunes on and after you take a shower, take your time applying your favorite body lotion and enjoy the feeling of the lotion on your velvety skin.

For that extra push of girly feeling, have a couple of doves follow you around, chirping along with your girly music, while you finish your toilet. Don't forget also to brush your long, blonde hair with 100 strokes and gaze with a touch of melancholy at the mirror for five minutes every morning and wonder if your prince will ever come.

Each pleasure that you take for yourself, and from yourself, results in the creation of a sexy aura.

Like in Mario Brothers where every mushroom/star you ingest, you get special powers.

Splash a little perfume behind your knees and perhaps a little splash everywhere you might like to be kissed.

There's nothing that men like better than a woman who knocks them over with her perfume as she approaches.

Before leaving the house, put on a little bit of lip-gloss, even if you do not wear any other make-up. For some marvelous reason, lip-gloss makes a woman feel delicious.

It's probably because your lips aren't chapped anymore and you can smile without the pain and the blood.

Later, when you get to the office, make sure you have a fresh flower on your desk. It will remind you that you are a beautiful flower, too.

Thank god you have a squadron of magical elves who can ride your doves to work and plant the flower before you get there. Remind them to put a note explaining the purpose of the flower, since part of your girly training is to be a little dim.

See, it’s all about re-training yourself to enjoy the thrill of being a woman. Taking a moment to make sure everything you do feels good to you is a marvelous way to have you feel spectacular and sexy. You can review every aspect of your life to see how you can add pleasure.

After that set-up, I figure she'll be telling us how to get the most pleasure out of changing tampons. Well, she did promise every aspect!

For example, do you sleep in an old t-shirt? How about trading that in for a little silky chemise?

What if you sleep naked? I'd say that's pretty womanly, since you can see the girly parts. But then again, our brave advice seeker already had those parts before she wrote in, so I guess that's not enough.

Do you eat from a take-out container? How about trading up for a real plate, and setting the table with a candle and cloth napkin?

That's for your audition for the part of lonely single woman who inappropriately romanticizes things and will definitely turn into a stalker in the next paranoid horror film in the wake of "Fatal Attraction".

Every day can be an expansion of your enjoyment of your own sensuality and womanhood. Being a woman is a gift, but it is up to each of us to take advantage of that gift and make the most of it.

Here's a better idea: make your way over to flea's store to make a purchase that will accomplish the goals for getting sensual pleasure out of being a woman and give you that girly flush of excitement in much, much less time than Mama Gena's routine here.