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Monday, January 03, 2005

Or it could be that not everyone wants to get married

Nah, that couldn't be the reason that as women's IQs go up, their "shot" at getting married goes down, as this study purports.

Of course, for the purposes of pitying women who are so smart they can't get anyone to marry them, we have to assume that women are naturally inclined to marry the first guy who asks. Now, as you can imagine, I know a lot of unmarried women I'd stick into the high IQ category, if I were a gambling woman. And I am. (I especially like craps.) I can tell you straight up that they aren't married for lack of male attention. They are unmarried because they don't want to be married, at least to anyone they've met yet. It's certainly not for this reason:

"A chap with a high IQ is going to get a demanding job that is going to take up a lot of his energy and time. In many ways he wants a woman who is an old-fashioned wife and looks after the home, a copy of his mum in a way."

Um, people tend to marry people like themselves, as a general rule. They marry into the same race or income bracket or religion or whatever is important to them. Again, as an outside guess, I'd say that intelligent men tend to fall for intelligent women. Sure, there's always going to be the subset of men that find intelligence threatening and those who are less interested in love and more in appearances or being coddled, but I'm not putting their numbers as high as this study's authors might like to do.

"Women in their late 30s who have gone for careers after the first flush of university and who are among the brightest of their generation are finding that men are just not interesting enough," said psychologist and professor at Nottingham University Paul Brown in The Sunday Times.

Probably closer to the truth. If there is a trend, my guess is that a lot of intelligent women, having fought for respect and individuality their whole lives, are wary of putting themselves on the line in the way that is expected of women who marry. I know bright women who have turned down marriage proposals or broken off engagements simply because they felt stifled by a man or felt like he was preparing to take them for granted or because he simply wasn't all that compelling, if you really think about it. In a culture where women are expected to subsume part of their personality in marriage, you're going to find a lot of women who just reject the institution outright, or, more likely are playing wait-and-see for a man who adamantly opposes traditional expectations of wives.

Thanks Fred.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or simply, NOT ALL WOMEN WANT TO GET MARRIED!!!! Some of us don't buy into the traditional, 'Blushing Bride' crap. Some of us don't care about society's expectations of women. Some of us *like* the career-oriented life. And yeah, there are some UN-interesting men out there. But I've met plenty of uninteresting women; they're the "I want to get married right after college, have lots of babies, watch Oprah all day, drive a minivan, be on the PTA, have NO hobbies except bake, cook, and clean, I want to make my Prince-Charming happy no matter what my emotions are, and I want be the best little homemaker ever" type of women that I've already met my first year of college. And maybe, some men too, just don't want to marry either, no matter what kind of women are out there.

1/03/2005

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

True, neo, but I am talking about a lot of women I know who aren't against the idea of marriage in theory, but in practice they can't work up the enthusiasm.

1/03/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah. Some women have a poor selection of men and that wouldn't build up any kind of enthusiam. If you don't have any kind of interest in them then why bother.

1/03/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Brad. Smart women get married all the time, and they're NOT stupid for marrying. But them choosing to marry is NOT the reason why they are smart. They are smart because of their education. Not because of the ring on their finger.

And there are not-so-smart women who remain single, but the reason why they're not-so-smart has nothing to do with their choice to remain single. However, I argue that a woman who believes that she is ONLY smart so long as she gets married, is ignorant. She foolishly believes society's bullshit expectation that all women should become wives, and any woman who doesn't marry is stupid, and/or has too much education which is threatening to some insecure males.

It could be that men aren't asking women to marry them as much as in the past, men aren't accepting women's proposal for marriage, or men are avoiding marriage along with some women.

Marriage does not grant you the IQ of a Nobel Prize winning genius, and neither does remaining single. Caving into social/gender stereotypes and what society expects of you is a sign of weakness and ignorance. To hell with what society thinks!

1/03/2005

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

Brad, it's not a simple-minded thing. I reject the entire debate of whether or not a woman's intelligence is directly or inversely proportional to her sexual attractiveness. Both intelligence and sexual attractiveness are complicated things that you can't measure well.

But I do know this much--women who cultivate their intellect do so in an enviroment where they are mocked and openly discouraged by many people. Because of this, there is a tendency to be defensive of things like freedom and space, which leads one to be pickier than average about who you let in on a permanent basis.

Upon reading this, I thought immediately of the histories of a few friends, all relatively bright and independent women who have men in our histories who still would snatch them up in a minute if they wanted to marry, but in every case, these women just wanted more--they felt that they couldn't be fill the wife role in marriages to these men without losing parts of themselves they cherished.

1/03/2005

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

No, Yami, because I don't think of being "intelligent" as just an inborn thing. I think intelligence tends to follow being independent and unwilling to make yourself dumb for approval.

Class factors into willingness to marry. That I would definitely agree. Higher class people are more likely to be highly educated, as well.

1/04/2005

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

I agree with you 100% that there isn't a correlation between intelligence and economic independence--most people, regardless of IQ, aim for economic independence, I think. And some have to settle for less due to circumstances. I meant more of an independent spirit correlates with intelligence, and yeah, it's a chicken or egg question.

By no means are independent-spirited women more likely to make money--I just think they are more likely to be wary of marriage, particularly those who grew up rebelling against that expectation. In fact, the women I know who were told frequently as girls that they don't have to marry if they don't want to tend to be less wary of it as an institution than someone like me, who saw it as a trap more than anything growing up.

1/04/2005

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

Close! We are in complete agreement that the three factors work together in complex ways and definitive things cannot be said.

But no, I think that independence of spirit affects adult IQ more than anything. Which is to say, I think that intelligence as an adult is a combination of training, spirit, and natural talent. Lots of talented people I know buckled at a young age. And lots of independent people I know who showed average talent as youngsters grew up to be the most intelligent people I know because their tenacity kept them from getting ground down by social expectations.

I guess I'm saying that willingness to buck authority is correlated to aggregate measures of intelligence when you are older. For instance, I would say that native intelligence is scattered pretty evenly across races and social classes, but smart kids in bad circumstances won't blossom unless they also are tenacious. A lot of my childhood friends were as smart as I was, if not smarter, but they buckled early and now they think I'm a brainiac. Mostly I just holed up and read alot when everyone else was going through the teenage transistion from being a reader to being "dateable".

1/04/2005

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

Oh and of course, the problem is in measuring "intelligence". Test scores strike me as uniquely unreliable--I test well, but that doesn't make me smarter than people around me who don't.

1/04/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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1/06/2006

 

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