Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

10 Ways to Use the $10 Gipper bill

And you know if they manage to pull it off, which they won't, people will call it the Gipper. Or the Asshat.

10) In honor of Gipper Wannabe, snort coke with it.
9) If a waitress tries to break one for you so you'll have change for a tip, get snotty and demand your entire Gipper back. Tell her you plan to invest the entire Gipper in some stocks and the trickle down to her will be more than the tip you could give her today.
8) Blow your nose in it.
9) Collect a month's worth of welfare payments in Gippers. Try to buy a Cadillac with it.
7) Start a collection of them so you can decorate his portrait on each one of his different movie roles.
6) Instead of using credit cards to pick locks, remember, Gippers can push down walls!
5) Find your local spoiled heir or heiress. Give him/her a Gipper in thanks for being the hardest-working Americans around. It works even better if you can tackle a lazy hotel maid who works 14 hours a day to steal it from.
4) Give a Gipper to a homeless person.
3) Donate a Gipper to an AIDS foundation.
2) Okay, those weren't funny. Wipe your ass with it, then.
1) Have your neighbor kidnap your little sister's kitten. Sell your neighbor a gun for a Gipper. Give the money to a local gang.

Just some ideas. Or go here and vote against the ridiculous idea of putting Reagan on any currency.

Actually, that #1 scheme reminds me of how the Marbles made their money in the movie Pink Flamingos. They kidnapped girls off the streets, made their butler impregnate them, sold the babies to lesbian couples and then reinvested the money in a heroin ring in local elementary schools. Really, John Waters was ahead of his time.

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