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Monday, August 16, 2004

A whore by any other name

The discussion of Jessica Cutler's exploits is heating up again. I was going to ignore it, but find I cannot help myself. The question is, and there's no nice way to put this, "Is being a slut a feminist act?"

Personally, I think that's a repellant topic. I deny the very existence of the slut (though I'm guilty of using the word, but to be fair, I've applied it to men, too). Women are sluts when their sexual behavior annoys someone else. No one can tell me what a slut is. I have repeatedly asked people how many sexual partners it takes to be a slut, or what sexual acts one must perform to cross the line. I've only been called a slut by men I've rejected, and I can safely say that it was only because they were searching for misogynist slur and hit on "slut" before they came across "bitch", which was closer to their meaning. Sort of like the subtle difference between "fairy" and "faggot". Other than that, I've been spared the judgement, either by having boyfriends more often than not as a shield or because I really truly haven't found the magical line and crossed it. At least, not where people could see.

No, Cutler isn't a slut, which no one can define for me anyway. Cutler is a W-H-O-R-E. She had sex she didn't like, as Steve Gilliard puts it, in exchange for something else.

But this is where it gets hazy. She didn't actually have a menu, like "Anal Sex $50" or anything. She had the unpleasant sex and then took cash "gifts". It wasn't set in stone, so we like the term "slut" better than "whore". Because the truth that we all want to avoid like the plague is that avoiding all whore-y behavior is nearly impossible. The line between having sex with a boyfriend or husband you rely on just to shut him up and coldly taking cash for anal sex in a car is much hazier than we would like it to be. Most of us deep down inside have used sex for things outside of the puppies and rainbows running through the meadows holding hands expression of love that it should be. We've manipulated people with our sexuality, exchanged some sort of affection for things other than affection. In fact, on a certain level, even exchanging affection for affection is a whore-y act. Going to bed with someone you don't love to get off is whore-ish for both of you--coldly exchanging each other's sexual contact for sexual gratification. Going to bed with someone you love can be whoring, too, trying to trade in on sex to get genuine love and affection. In one sense, everything is currency--trading sex for money is just one of the hundreds of transactions that involve sex and just one of the thousands that involve money.

This is one of the biggest reasons that consent has become the determining factor in the legality of a sexual encounter. If nothing else, it's the easiest thing to prove.

I can see why she gets everyone's panties up in a wad. To the sort of men who go for girls like Cutler, she represents the humiliation that lurks in every encounter with a shallow girl like this, and the bitterness that a mere girl can expose a man for what he really is. Luckily for these men, our society still sides with them, which is why tons of ink are wasted on condemning Cutler and just a little is spent merely on wondering who the men breaking their vows of marriage made to real, live, hurting women are.

To guys who try to tailor their sexual behavior to that which will get them a faithful, loving wife or girlfriend, someone like Cutler is also an object of fear. There is the fear that you will mistake a girl like this for one that you would actually make a life with and that betrayal is lurking. Or possibly worse, the fear that making time with a girl like Cutler will prevent you from getting the girlfriend or wife you want. I know many men who have had chances to sleep with blatant whores and turned their noses up to it, and they are proud of it. Ask them why--eventually they'll admit that they feel like if they want a girl who respects herself, then they need to refrain from certain debasing behaviors.

To most women, I imagine that Cutler represents our worst fears about being judged or found our on our sexual behavior. Some women respond by condemning and thereby declaring themselves non-whores. Some aren't so into lying to themselves and try to see Cutler's side, though that can be sort of hard since she acted outside of the boundaries most of us set for ourselves. I'm definitely in the latter category. In all honesty, if she were my friend I would express concern about her behavior but I wouldn't flip out or anything.

But the thing that should concern us most is that we continue to misrepresent the factors that come into these situations. Cutler didn't break marriage vows, she didn't betray a spouse or children. She took advantage of men who were so thoughtlessly horny they gave her cash for sex. But they took advantage of her financial situation to get her to have sex with them. She's a whore, but so are they. But worse, they are whores who treated her with even less regard than she treated them.

I can sort of see why she would risk her job to smear the men she sleeps with on her blog. It doesn't sound like they deserve any better. The question we need to be asking and loudly is, "How can it still be so bad that women make more money with 10 minutes of sex than a week's worth of hard work?"

176 Comments:

Blogger Elayne said...

I've always thought of the difference between a whore and a slut to be one of self-respect. The whore knows she's engaging in a business transaction; the slut is (literally) opening herself up to all kinds of potential dangers (from pregnancy to rape) with no real sense of discrimination or boundaries. But then, I'm a prude who still believes that people (no matter the gender) should only be intimate with someone when there's actual emotional attachment, so you can pretty much discount everything I say on this subject. :)

8/17/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

No worries. I startled my boyfriend last night by telling him that I would be annoyed if a bunch of guys swarmed if we broke up. I said I don't appreciate being treated like a c*nt. (Since I don't mince words.) He gently reminded me that just because it's casual sex doesn't necessarily mean that a guy is looking down his nose at a girl, and I was abashed.
But it's true that after having a real relationship for awhile that the casual stuff seems sort of foreign.

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You perfectly described some of my reactions. I got angry & worked up about her before I started to pity her a bit. Though I still don't like her contempt for public service, that could have just been a reaction to having a shitty job. She struck me as a spoiled girl without the self-discipline to controll her expenses. In my mind though, the married men are worse. Even if they had an open marriage, somehow I doubt that included interns for anal sex.

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