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Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Abstinence-only "education" is full of perverts

It's my pet theory that anyone this interested in the sex lives of the young and the single as to start an organization and tour the country telling young women that once you've had sex, you're used up like a lollipop must be a huge pervert. This article from Clevescene.com only confirms this. Every single person they interview who positions him or herself as an "educator" is a huge pervert.

For instance, there's evidence that these "educators" learn everything they know about the wooly world of unmarried sex from porn videos:

Petrie decided when she was 13 that she was going to wait until marriage. "I just always thought, 'I'm not giving this body to some random dude,'" she explains.

The concept of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is completely alien. It's either your husband or the pizza dude, apparently.

Snotty, superior-acting virgins advertise themselves more than prostitutes.

The abstinence conference feels like a flea market mated to a job fair. Vendors offer an array of anti-sex trinkets, from temporary tattoos saying, "I'm Worth Waiting For,"

How do you know?

to plastic virginity pledge cards reading, "A.T.M.: Abstinence 'Til Marriage."

Or until someone figures out your pin number.

One display borrows a line from junk e-mail, shouting, "LEARN HOW TO HAVE THE BEST SEX . . . by waiting till marriage!"

That's all but admitting that abstinence-only is as full of shit as spam emails.

His wife, Jen, also works for Operation Keepsake, as editor of an eight-page booklet titled Represent. Think Teen Vogue for virgins. A typical issue finds Jen tallying the sex partners for each fictional character on Friends.

"If Friends writers were really honest," the article concludes, "they would have tried this for a final episode: all six 'friends' sipping coffee at Central Perk, discussing the various STDs they've been exposed to . . ."

Yep, single people sit around tallying up their STD's while their friends are trying to eat breakfast. I do it all the time. And it makes great sitcom entertainment!

Now they have a happy, healthy sex life, untroubled by jealousy over previous partners. "In her mind, I'm the best sex in the world, because she has nothing to compare it to," Brock says.

The best part is she thinks "orgasm" is an STD so he doesn't have to exert an ounce of effort in that direction.

A year ago, Biddle's daughter, Amanda, returned from her honeymoon with her husband, Pete. He had a question for his new mother-in-law: "Are you the one I give this to?"

He held an abstinence pledge card, the one Amanda signed as a teenager. Pete was redeeming it, a symbol that Amanda had indeed waited until marriage.

Of course, that was after he photocopied it and handed it out to all the new friends he made in the hotel bar.

Abstinence the Better Choice Inc. was born. "When we first started going door-to-door, people were like, 'Yeah right, that's not going to work,'" she says.

Those people were right, of course. But in our brave new conservative world, there's no reason to let the truth get in the way of ideaology!

"I think they have a fatalistic approach," says Mary Ann Mosack, executive director of Operation Keepsake. "They capitulate to the lowest common denominator: 'Kids are going to have sex, and therefore they need to use condoms.' That's really the driving force: 'By all means, we have to get latex between them and the next partner!'"

The non-fatalistic approach, of course, is to make sure that there's nothing between teenagers and contracting potentially fatal illnesses.

"We try to empower them with assertiveness skills," she says. "We try to connect them with the fact that decisions do determine destiny."

To hang up the snark for a minute, this more than anything burns me up about the abstinence-only crowd is that they are always bleating about the "consequences" of premarital sex as if these consequences are mere acts of god that we have no control over, when of course the high rate of "consequences" are attributable to the lack of sex education and access to health services that the abstinence-only crowd has agitated for. They want to tell kids that "decisions determine destiny" while avoiding the fact that their decision to agitate for ignorance has determined our destiny as a country that's up to its neck in unplanned pregnancy, STD's, and HIV.

To make her case, she points to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health. The federally funded study examined a host of programs and found that virginity pledges delay the age of sexual initiation by as much as 18 months.

"That's significant," she says. "Is it ideal? No. But it could be the difference between finishing high school or not. It also reduces partners, which is the number-one risk factor in getting a sexually transmitted disease."

As far as I know, not using condoms is the number one risk factor.

But that glowing appraisal ignores the study's inconvenient facts. The authors also found that virgins who broke their vow were one-third less likely to use protection.

Whoops! Well, they're dead to us anyway, so they don't count.

As the event was drawing to a close, Huber offered a rallying cry: "Together we're going to make a difference here in Ohio and across the country!"

With that, the attendees walked out to a lobby bustling with men in tuxes, women in satin dresses, and tables heaped with flowers and gifts. Someone had booked a wedding reception at the same hotel. If the chastity crowd was looking for divine affirmation, it didn't get better than this.

The couple was surely virginal. As we all know, you can't get married if you're not a virgin. It's like the law or something in Ohio.

545 Comments:

Blogger Anne said...

Joe Simpson, father of Jessica, was certainly obsessed with his daughter's virginity/sex life. Ew.

"In her mind, I'm the best sex in the world, because she has nothing to compare it to," Brock says.Annnnnd there we have it.

11/10/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"A year ago, Biddle's daughter, Amanda, returned from her honeymoon with her husband, Pete. He had a question for his new mother-in-law: 'Are you the one I give this to?'
He held an abstinence pledge card, the one Amanda signed as a teenager. Pete was redeeming it, a symbol that Amanda had indeed waited until marriage."

Besides the ickiness of this (um, I'm sure mom and dad figured out they were going to have sex on their honeymoon), the whole "reedeming" thing creeps me out. Like she's a good or service.

And where's his card to be redeemed? All of this waiting until marriage crap is expected of girls, and pushed on girls. the majority of rhetoric is aimed at girls, leaving the responsibility to say no (and apparently, the blame) on the doorstep of females, again. Welcome back to the stone age. Guys can fuck around no problem.

--Sheelzebub

11/10/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Definitely. If you've read the article, I'm sure you noticed that the couple that claimed to be virgins when they wed--well, only the wife actually was. The husband was a "secondary virgin". I'm actually a virgin 15 times. I plan to reclaim my virginity again this afternoon so I can lose it again tonight. That game never gets old.

11/10/2004

 
Blogger La Lubu said...

For all their focus on the "m" word (marriage), they are totally forgetting about another important "m" word---masturbation! Where does masturbation fit into the game plan?

*sigh* Why do I get the feeling that their real issue is that they don't want anyone to know what or where the clitoris is?

11/10/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If they weren't trying to force their beliefs on, and in turn harming, other people, it would be so easy to deal with the abstinence-only crowd. You could just shake your head and feel bad for them. They don't know what they're missing--and in some cases may never know...*sigh*Hestia

11/10/2004

 
Blogger Anne said...

Yes, if they weren't trying to push those standards for everyone, it would just be funny.

The promise rings and cards are creepy.

11/10/2004

 
Blogger flea said...

"A year ago, Biddle's daughter, Amanda, returned from her honeymoon with her husband, Pete. He had a question for his new mother-in-law: 'Are you the one I give this to?'
He held an abstinence pledge card, the one Amanda signed as a teenager. Pete was redeeming it, a symbol that Amanda had indeed waited until marriage."
_________________________________

Oh my god, is that in poor taste!

11/10/2004

 
Blogger Anne said...

Consider:

re·deem ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-dm)
tr.v. re·deemed, re·deem·ing, re·deems
To recover ownership of by paying a specified sum.
To pay off (a promissory note, for example).
To turn in (coupons, for example) and receive something in exchange.
To fulfill (a pledge, for example).
To convert into cash: redeem stocks.
To set free; rescue or ransom.
To save from a state of sinfulness and its consequences. See Synonyms at save1.
To make up for: The low price of the clothes dryer redeems its lack of special features.
To restore the honor, worth, or reputation of: You botched the last job but can redeem yourself on this one.

11/10/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What annoys the crap out of me is the assumption that someday, yes, someone will want to marry you. Everyone is not guaranteed a nice husband with a big fat rock.

Hell, that's why I lost mine in the first place and this argument never moved me- how do YOU know I'll ever get married? You don't, do you? I just wanted to make sure I didn't end up like Edwina Cutwater in All Of Me, with nobody ever wanting my virginity :P

Jennifer

11/10/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Heh. I guess the assumption is the only reason a woman doesn't get married is that she's "used up". The hysterical tone they use when talking about people who *don't* wait for marriage makes it almost sound like if you have sex before marriage, then you will never have sex in marriage.

11/10/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amanda is funny.

Jake.

11/10/2004

 
Blogger Janice said...

If someone wants to wait that's ok if they don't that's ok too just as long as its their decision. Just be safe thats all.

11/10/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My theory-du-jour (I can't remember where I originally heard it, but you see it around a lot) is that self-righteousness, including the purer-than-thou virgin stuff, is a symptom of moral insecurity. The assertion of their own goodness isn't just for other people, but to convince themselves that yes, they aren't scumbags. Now, why would they be so worried about that in the first place?

What about gay people, BTW? I hope that all these abstinence-until-marriage people support gay marriage. Otherwise they're consigning gays to PERMENANT abstinence, for their whole lives! To his credit, David Brooks realizes that the whole social conservative sex-within-marriage-only position means that gay marriage has to be allowed (or, as he more coercively puts it, "We shouldn't just allow gay marriage. We should insist on gay marriage.").

Julian Elson

11/10/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Well, despite the fact that these abstinence groups claim to not be pushing ideaology, but sound practice, they have to use ideaology to dodge the whole gay issue. They simply don't believe gays are real.

11/10/2004

 
Blogger mythago said...

Vendors offer an array of anti-sex trinkets, from temporary tattoos saying, "I'm Worth Waiting For,""But My Grammar Is Awful!"

I concur on the pervert theory. You'll notice that NONE of them stand up and say, I was a virgin when I got married, I'm happy I waited, here's why.

11/10/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anyone this interested in the sex lives of the young ... must be a huge pervert.And what about the senator from (I think) Oklahoma who says teen lesbianism is terribly rampant in today's schools, then adds, "Think about that issue. THINK ABOUT IT" (words to that effect)?

*Shudder.*

Jasmine

11/11/2004

 
Blogger Avedon said...

So then they get married and it hurts and they hate it and he constantly wants it and she can't stand it and....

Well, that was sure a disappontment!

I meet women like that all the time, and they think other women are perverts because we actually like sex.

Meanwhile, how happy can he be knowing she thinks he's the best only because she has nothing to compare him to?

I feel a lot bet knowing he's the best.

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