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Monday, November 08, 2004

Back to the business of being extremely shallow

Luckily, I have Salon to help me out with an article about women dating shorter men. I thought that the celebrated Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman marriage would be the death blow to the notion that the man has to be the taller one in a couple, but it only seemed to reinforce the notion that Tom Cruise is gay, as if a real straight man would never marry a taller woman, even if she were Nicole Kidman.

With our without the ever-present image from the past of the lovely Kidman towering over her husband by a head on red carpet after red carpet, I would still think that this idea should have died a quiet death, but no. I'm taller than average so many of my boyfriends have been my height or shorter and still I get asked by people if that bothers me. (Even if it did, what am I supposed to do about it?) But every person they interview for this article has clearly put more thought into it than I have, and not just the straight women but the gay men which caused me to think that if all gay men insisted that their partners be taller than themselves, no one would get date ever.

Anyway, the article is a gas. It's funny how defensive everyone they interview is about dating shorter men. They pick on taller men for taking up too much space, argue that it's easier to meet nice short men because all the nice tall men are taken or are just embarrassed. The people who need to defend themselves, it seems to me, are those who are unabashedly shallow enough to eliminate even talking to someone because he's not tall. Perhaps the writer interviewed people who said that, but didn't find any usable quotes, but I doubt it. People are generally defensive if they buck the prevailing standards, even when those standards are stupid.

Towards the end of the article, they finally get to the real reason that most straight people insist on men being taller--it's really more about women being small.

The desire for a big, strong boyfriend or husband who will in turn make a woman feel feminine and dainty permeates our culture so thoroughly that it's rarely called into question -- but, as Skurnick the Baltimore editor points out, it's a little absurd.

"It's a lot to expect men to be huge and manly just to make us feel better," she says. "It's depending on men too much, and I don't even mean that in a self-righteous way. It just feels ridiculous to hang the whole idea of your attractiveness on someone being bigger than you." Besides, Skurnick adds, "A man could never be big enough to take away my insecurities. What am I supposed to do, have some 9-foot boyfriend?"

This woman is right. It's hard enough worrying all the time about keeping thin to suffer the standard of always being shorter than your man as well. Though I suppose the two tend to go hand in hand--I remember my mom cracking once to a friend that you might need to go on a diet if your ass is bigger than your husband's, which caused me a lot of anxiety because there was no way I could diet until my ass was smaller than that of my skinny, ass-less boyfriend at the time. (Yes, it was ridiculous to think of that. Give me a break. I was 17.) To this day, I have no idea what she was talking about. Maybe she meant hip size. Or maybe it was just that skinny men are hard to come by in the steak-and-beer-and-football world of West Texas.

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Blogger Anne said...

I'm rather lanky and gawky, though I'm just 5'7, but my boyfriend is a little shorter than I am, and actually weighs less than I do. (We're both skinny.) My only real problem with it is that my feet are a little bigger than his. No one is to blame for that, but as someone who's still chagrined at having size-11 feet, it's not a fun feeling.

In regards to what your mother said, How odd. I would be worried if my ass were smaller than his. Girls are supposed to have bigger hips and butts overall, are they not?

11/08/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Ha--my feet are bigger than my boyfriend's, too, by half a size. I can borrow like one pair of his shoes, and that's it. As for whether or not women's hips are supposed to be bigger, beats me. I know they are supposed to be bigger than their waists, but that's all I know.

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Blogger Linnaeus said...

It's funny, really...my current dating partner says she likes the fact that I'm taller than she is because it makes her feel "protected" and "enveloped" or something like that.

The odd thing is, it really doesn't make sense. I'm tall, but rather thin. I don't know her exact weight, but it's at least equal to mine, if not slightly greater. She's physically stronger than I am and could easily take me down in a fight. But my height "protects" her? I have never understood it.

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It's hard to explain -- there is a certain hard-to-define reassurance in being physically near someone who is taller than you are. I have to admit, I do kind of notice it not being there when I'm standing with my boyfriend, plus I feel kind of gawky and awkward at times. It does get me thinking about social norms in regards to couple height, just like this article.

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Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

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1/09/2006

 
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1/10/2006

 
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Anonymous Lina said...


weight chart 101 Ways to Get In Better Shape and Stay That Way.

Therapeutic Massage : You might be thinking what does getting a massage do for my health other than to make me feel good.

Eliminate Stress : Stress is a key contributor to poor health.

Young at Heart : Regardless of your age, if you start acting too old, you will actually not benefit yourself at all.

Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

Be Careful with the Sun : Everyone loves basking in the warm sun, especially if it is lying on a beautiful sandy beach.

Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

Check your Pulse : As you exercise, it is to your advantage to keep track of your pulse rate.

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1/10/2006

 
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1/11/2006

 
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Anonymous Lina said...


over weight 101 Ways to Get In Better Shape and Stay That Way.

Therapeutic Massage : You might be thinking what does getting a massage do for my health other than to make me feel good.

Eliminate Stress : Stress is a key contributor to poor health.

Young at Heart : Regardless of your age, if you start acting too old, you will actually not benefit yourself at all.

Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

Be Careful with the Sun : Everyone loves basking in the warm sun, especially if it is lying on a beautiful sandy beach.

Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

Check your Pulse : As you exercise, it is to your advantage to keep track of your pulse rate.

over weight

1/11/2006

 
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Anonymous Anonymous said...


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Therapeutic Massage : You might be thinking what does getting a massage do for my health other than to make me feel good.

Eliminate Stress : Stress is a key contributor to poor health.

Young at Heart : Regardless of your age, if you start acting too old, you will actually not benefit yourself at all.

Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

Be Careful with the Sun : Everyone loves basking in the warm sun, especially if it is lying on a beautiful sandy beach.

Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

Check your Pulse : As you exercise, it is to your advantage to keep track of your pulse rate.

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Blogger Lina said...


diet weight control 101 Ways to Get In Better Shape and Stay That Way.

Therapeutic Massage : You might be thinking what does getting a massage do for my health other than to make me feel good.

Eliminate Stress : Stress is a key contributor to poor health.

Young at Heart : Regardless of your age, if you start acting too old, you will actually not benefit yourself at all.

Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

Be Careful with the Sun : Everyone loves basking in the warm sun, especially if it is lying on a beautiful sandy beach.

Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

Check your Pulse : As you exercise, it is to your advantage to keep track of your pulse rate.

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