Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Under the guise of protecting family, we shall destroy it

The wingnuts have accomplished squelching the marriage rate by getting gay marriage banned in 11 states, and now they are working to make sure that more straight people avoid marriage altogether and choose to forgo having children altogether as well. I'm not sure if this is their intent, but that's what they'll accomplish if people like Bryce Christensen get their way.

While Christensen doesn't oppose the campaign to enact state and federal bans on gay marriage, he worries it's distracting from immediate threats to marriage's place in society.

"If those initiatives are part of a broader effort to reaffirm lifetime fidelity in marriage, they're worthwhile," he said. "If they're isolated - if we don't address cohabitation and casual divorce and deliberate childlessness - then I think they're futile and will be brushed aside."

(The "casual" part is an out--your divorce is casual. When well-off male wingnuts sue for divorce, it is always necessary and difficult.)

My first thought upon reading about a push for making divorce harder to get and therefore available only to those well-off enough to afford it was, "Holy shit! No marriage for the Mouse!"

See, I feel bad even thinking that, because I am certain I have Mr. Right and I wouldn't want to jinx myself by having to consider the possibility, however remote it seems to me now, that he might not be in the future. And that's exactly the sort of superstitious guilt-tripping that the wingnuts count on when they push for these things. It's hard to stand up and say, "I want the right to leave my man with ease should I ever come home to find him with a woman in my bed who is definitely not the Mouse." You know, because that's almost like saying I don't trust him.

But of course I do trust him. I just know that life is long and shit can happen and I want to be safe.

No-fault divorce laws are marriage and commitment-affirming. If you are with someone that you can leave with relative ease, then you are essentially choosing that person everyday. I know that my boyfriend is snoozing away in our bed not because he's legally required to, but because he wants to be there, and that is a comfort in and of itself. Staying together because it's the law seems to be the same as trusting someone because you follow that person around.

I can see why you might marry with today's laws, if only for the rights that come along with it. But to marry without an escape hatch? That's inviting fear and doubt into your life. Banning divorce may not make the marriage rates go down, because most people do that little trick on themselves where they say that divorce isn't a possibility in their lives because their love is greater than that. But I bet there are enough people with their heads screwed on tightly enough to see that no-divorce means marriage is a trap and choose to go without. So making divorce harder or impossible will probably make the number of people living in sin go up, which I know is not what the wingnuts want.

I can see something similiar happening if they push laws banning contraception. A lot of people aren't going to acquiesce, and say, "Yes, my sex life is naughty, naughty, naughty! I'm only doing it missionary position for the purpose of procreation from here on out!" No, they are going to see this coming and realize that they may have to make a decision--to sterilize themselves while it's still legal or not. Tell people, like the religious right seems to want to do, that their choices are now or never, many will pick never.

As angry as all this makes me, I am still somewhat amused by the religious right's religious devotion to the idea that they can legislate until a wicked woman like me morphs into an obedient and constantly pregnant devout Christian who refrains from reading the Bible but asks her husband to explain it to her. But I do see how their proposed laws are going to turn a lot of independent women who want to marry and have children into women who just abandon marriage and children altogether rather than lose their rights. And I am amused by the picture of this woman, whose face is telling me a story of someone who hpes by taking away someone else's chance to be happy, then maybe she will finally get to be happy.

Through Echidne.

401 Comments:

Blogger La Lubu said...

Well jeez, where's your compassion? Sometimes it is pretty difficult for those right-wing male wingnuts to get a divorce....didn't ol' Newt have to go all the way into the hospital, and up to the intensive care ward to get his dying wife (terminal cancer, I believe; after he abandoned his "personal responsibility" that the conservatives are so fond of blathering on about, the church took up a collection to help Mrs. Gingrich and her children) to sign off on the paperwork? I mean, it takes some time to wait for that pesky elevator, and to walk down the hall and see all those depressing dying people, and damn! don't some of those hospitals charge for parking?!!?

I mean, show a li'l sympathy!

11/22/2004

 
Blogger Hugo said...

I only know of three people in the world who are happier than I that no-fault divorce exists:

a. My first wife
b. My second wife
c. My third wife

Oh, and I guess my fiancee should be on that list too. Without no-fault, I wouldn't have this incredible woman in my life...

11/22/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post spurred me to do some more research on this Bryce Christensen guy. We've all got a bigger problem than I thought if they get their way



Maureen

11/22/2004

 
Blogger zuzu said...

Well, count me as someone who's happy she got her tubes tied before the creeping Gileadization of America makes that impossible.

Though I'm sure there will be forced reversals after forced marriages. With any luck, I'll be too old to have kids by the time that happens.

Taking away no-fault divorce isn't going to solve any perceived problems with the institution. I mean, look at New York: there's no no-fault divorce here, and people still split up. Unless they can cooperate enough to go the easier route of doing it by mutual consent, there have to be grounds, there has to be a complainant, and it's just plain ugly.

Why can't they focus on making marriages harder to get into rather than harder to get out of? If it's such a damn sacred institution, you'd think they'd want to make sure the people entering into it would be serious about it.

11/22/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Maureen, that is scary. And of course gays and lesbians would have "what marriage has become". Most people do--the old method of lifelong resentment and misery is pretty unappealing.

11/22/2004

 
Blogger La Lubu said...

I can't understand why anyone would be talking about a "threat" to "marriage"....an abstract, inanimate institution, for crying out loud! When I think of "threat", I think of something dangerous...something capable of doing damage. Seems to me all these busybodies can lower their risk by either (a) not getting married, or (b) choosing their partner very, very slowly, and very very carefully. I still can't see how someone else's marriage or divorce is a threat to their marriage. It makes about as much sense as banning green beans for everyone, simply because you hate them. "No! I don't want my neighbor cooking green beans! They might have their windows open and I might smell 'em cooking! Gaaahhhh!"

I don't want to see marraige more difficult to obtain, either. But, I wouldn't be opposed to see marriage generally discouraged...to see it like, say, medical school---something very difficult, yet rewarding, but clearly not for most people.

11/22/2004

 
Blogger Anne said...

Getting sterilized is pretty difficult for some women, though. It's not covered/they won't do it for a young woman who hasn't had kids.

(too bad I don't like anal)

Cough, anyway, in other news: http://indyweek.com/durham/current/news.html

11/22/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, as a childfree, unmarried 26-year-old, my chances of getting sterilized are as good as a snowball's chance in hell, because I WILL change my mind, you know.

Frankly, I'm hoping Depo has coincidentally made me infertile when the revolution comes and I'm up against the wall with a turkey baster pointed at me, because that's my only hope at this age.

Jennifer

11/22/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The link above leads to some Really Scary Shit:

Historically speaking, marriage was an institution “defined by religious doctrine, moral tradition, home-centered commitments to child rearing, and gender complementarity . . . ” Today, it is a “highly individualistic and egalitarian institution.”This, apparently, is a very bad thing: marriage was much better before the 60s. According to this guy, people who discover that love has turned to hate should be forced to stay together, the sane should be eternally bound to the mad, the spouses of alcoholics, drug addicts and compulsive gamblers should be forced to stand by while their partners pour the family's money into the bottomless pit of their addiction, and for women, marriage should be a form of indentured servitude, defined by biblically-defined gender roles.

Hell, it sounds like they want to do away with the legal reforms of the 1860's, not the 1960's. And speaking as a childless woman, I want them to get their god-damned sticky fingers off my bloody ovaries. NOW.

11/22/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

There's no doubt that it's easier for men to get sterilized all around--easier physically and easier for them to get a doctor to do it. And that's why we should start pushing vasectomies. I can see it now--a series of ads like the German condom ads where men are stuck in grocery stores with screaming children and the other customers glaring. And then something like, "Men can take care of birth control, too." I think that would work out nicely.

11/22/2004

 
Blogger Maureen said...

The face of the woman in the picture reminds me of that jeering girl in the picture of the Little Rock High School integration--just so pettily mean-spirited.

11/22/2004

 
Blogger zuzu said...

There's no doubt that it's easier for men to get sterilized all around--easier physically and easier for them to get a doctor to do it. Yeah. I was lucky -- even though I live in New York City, it was a big issue finding a doctor who'd do the procedure even on a 31-year-old woman who had no children. Even still, I got crap because I didn't have a medical history of asking for and being turned down for the procedure, like the woman who referred me to the doctor who eventually did it for me.

And that woman who referred me? She's exactly the type to give single, childless women who look for a tubal a bad name. After creating that record, she then met a guy who really wanted kids and began to regret her decision, plus her brother had a baby, and she saw how much attention was given to him.

Me? I didn't have the record, I forged ahead, I haven't regretted it for a second. If I ever lose my mind and decide to raise a child, I'll adopt or foster.

But I will say, the gas they use to puff up your abdomen to get the scope in hurts like hell afterwards.

11/22/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry about the wingnuts; they'll be OK. If their social engineering backfires and there are fewer marriages, they'll just blame it on Hollywood and keep on ranting.
Mojo

11/24/2004

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

"So making divorce harder or impossible will probably make the number of people living in sin go up, which I know is not what the wingnuts want."

But what is it that you want? Do you want the opposite of what the right-wing crazies want? As you jokingly put it, do you want the number of people living in sin to go up? Do you care either way? Let's assume you're correct and tighter divorce laws leads to more people living together without getting married. Why the hell would you care? It's not like you're opposed to that, are you?


"No-fault divorce laws are marriage and commitment-affirming. If you are with someone that you can leave with relative ease, then you are essentially choosing that person everyday."

Then why get married? Why not just choose to live with the person you love every day? Doesn't staying with someone you love, when you've total freedom to leave them whenever you want, help prove the strength of the love you feel, in part? Your argument is an argument against all marriage - your point is that the looser the constraints are on someone leaving, then the greater the significance of the choice of staying. But then the greatest significance is to be derived by not getting married at all - trusting the strength of the love you feel to carry you forward through life, with no help from the state to force the two of you to stay together.

But isn't it reasonable to assume that people who choose to get married are quite clearly choosing a different path? Are they not saying, "We want an exterior power to hold us together, even when we ourselves might want to break apart." And if so, if that is what they want, shouldn't divorce be made rather difficult, so people can get what they want?


"It's hard to stand up and say, "I want the right to leave my man with ease should I ever come home to find him with a woman in my bed who is definitely not the Mouse. You know, because that's almost like saying I don't trust him. But of course I do trust him. I just know that life is long and shit can happen and I want to be safe.""

But surely a lot of people who are getting married are saying exactly what you are saying here but coming to the opposite conclusion - "Life is long and shit happens, so it is nice to have an institution that will hold us together even when we ourselves have grown weary of the effort of trying to keep ourselves together". Surely a lot of people are thinking that they'll be moments they'll want to leave the marriage - when they come home and find their spouse in bed with someone else, when their spouse is in a car accident and becomes a paraplegic, when the house burns down and their spouse is left covered with horrible, grotesque scars. People know their own flaws, they know they'll have moments when they want to bolt. And when they get married they are in a sense saying, "I want to be tied down, I want an outside force to place a check on my impluses and desires." Mind you, I'm not saying that this is a line of reasoning you may understand, or agree with. You might reject it entirely, and of course you're free to live a life quite different from this. But then, those who choose such a life as this are free to choose such a life for themselves, yes?

We might wonder what people are hoping for from marriage, what benefit they hope they'll get by being tied down in something they can't easily get away from. A common answer I hear is that they hope they'll have a richer life by being forced to work through promblems (like a cheating spouse) rather than leaving and starting over with someone new. Their choice may be a poor choice but it is their choice to make, yes?

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How do Government SBA Small Business Loans work?

When a small business owner applies to a lending institution for a business loan, the lender reviews the application and decides if it merits a busiuness loan or if it requires an SBA guaranty. SBA backing on the business loan is then requested by the lender. In guaranteeing the business loan, the SBA assures the lender that, in the event the borrower does not repay the loan, the government will reimburse the lender for its loss. By providing this guaranty, the Small Business Administration helps tens of thousands of small business owners get financing they would not otherwise obtain.

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7(a) Loan Guaranty Program

The 7(a) Loan Guaranty Program is the SBA's primary small business loan program. A maximum loan amount of $2 million has been established for 7(a) business loans.

Low Documentation Loan (SBALowDoc)

SBALowDoc is the SBA’s quick and easy program that provides a guaranty on small business loans of $150,000 or less. Once you have met your lender’s requirements for credit, the lender may request an SBALowDoc guaranty for up to 85 percent of the loan amount. You complete the front of a one-page SBA application, and the lender completes the back. At SBALowDoc centers, the agency processes completed applications within 36 hours.

SBAExpress

This method makes it easier and faster for lenders to provide small business loans of $250,000 or less. The SBA provides a rapid response through its PLP processing center in Sacramento, Calif.— within 36 hours of receiving the complete application package. Lenders use their own procedures to approve and service the loans.

CommunityExpress

The CommunityExpress pilot program is designed to spur economic development and job creation in untapped rural and inner city communities by providing loans and technical assistance. Loan proceeds may be used for most business purposes, including start-up, expansion, equipment purchases, working capital, inventory or real-estate acquisitions.
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• CommunityExpress focuses on predesignated geographic areas that primarily low- and moderate-income urban and rural areas.

• The maximum loan amount under CommunityExpress is $250,000.

• CommunityExpress lenders, together with the National Community Reinvestment Coalition, provide hands-on technical training and support, both before and after loan closings, through community-based, nonprofit NCRC member organizations.

7(m) Microloan Program

The SBA’s Microloan Program provides very small loans up to $35,000 to small businesses and not-for-profit child-care centers through a network of locally based intermediary lenders. In addition to making the loans, the intermediaries provide management and technical assistance to microborrowers and potential microborrowers.

What can I use the loan proceeds for?

You can use an SBA small business loan to:

• expand or renovate facilities;
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You submit a business loan application to a lender for initial review. If the lender approves the business loan subject to an SBA guaranty, a copy of the loan application and a credit analysis are forwarded by the lender to the nearest SBA office. After SBA approval, the lending institution closes the business loan and disburses the funds; you make monthly loan payments directly to the lender. As with any loan, you are responsible for repaying the full amount of the loan. Visit **www.SBASmallBusinessLoans.com** for more info.

10/31/2005

 
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Therapeutic Massage : You might be thinking what does getting a massage do for my health other than to make me feel good.

Eliminate Stress : Stress is a key contributor to poor health.

Young at Heart : Regardless of your age, if you start acting too old, you will actually not benefit yourself at all.

Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

Be Careful with the Sun : Everyone loves basking in the warm sun, especially if it is lying on a beautiful sandy beach.

Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

Check your Pulse : As you exercise, it is to your advantage to keep track of your pulse rate.

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