Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Suffering Olympics, just for the fun of it

I love it. Hugo's appearance on the wacky men's rights show has led the wingnuts over to Ampersand's blog to complain about Amp's wonderful work "The Male Privilege Checklist". One particular goober decided that he was going to write a counter-list of male complaints. Apparently, he wants me to fisk him and hard. (Jake Squid did, too, but I'm not reading his until I'm done with my mockery.) The goober's name is Bike A Lot.

1.)I get the privilege to die in a war.

Phew. Thank god feminists worked so hard at getting women out of the military ranks so that only men die in wars now.

2.)I get the privilege to die six years earlier than a female.

And here we were all along making you think that we were ordering a salad to your steak in order to please you. Ha ha! It's all a plot to live longer and gain....well, there's the opportunity to be a widow for a long time.

3.)I must make more money than my female mate otherwise I’m not enough.

Women and our infernal plots! It's true--we use our magical cunts to drive men to make a bunch of money they don't want to have while we laugh away, making less.

4.)I must pay for any divorce for any reason.

I'm going to get married and divorced and bill it to Bike A Lot immediately. Poor guy is so put upon that he has to pay for anyone's divorce whenever they ask.

5.)I must pay for child support even when I don’t get to see the kids.

That's so that you can't avoid paying child support by refusing to see the kids, dumbass.

6.)I must have an athletic body and must excell in all sports.

That is an impossible standard. No man has ever actually reached it, unlike the all-too-possible standard of anorexia that women reach all the time. Even the greatest athletes ever did not excel in all sports. We all saw what happened to Michael Jordan when he tried to play baseball. If Jordan isn't good enough, who is? It's amazing that the human race has survived this long with women's requirement that men be brillant at all sports to get laid.

7.)I get the privilege of getting more of : strokes, heart disease and cancer than my female equivalent.

Thank god for the feminist conspiracy to make men die earlier.

8.)I get the privilege of being more likely to commit suicide tens time more than a female.

Dude, you committed suicide ten times over? How did you write this?

In all sincerity, this statistic is one that anti-feminists like to trot out because it obscures the painful fact that in our sexist society, women suffer from mental illness in far greater numbers, and that they attempt suicide more but succeed less. It is also worth noting that most men's rights groups make the male suicide situation worse by contributing enthusiastically to one of the larger causes of young men committing suicide--homophobia.

9.)I get the privilege of suffering from depression six times more than a female, and I also get the privilege of not being able to tell anybody about it.

He made that stat up. I don't even have to look it up to tell you that. Know why? If men don't tell anyone, there's no way to know how many sufferers there are.

10.)I now get the privilege to get fewer educational degrees than a female.

Damn, women fill up classroom slots in proportion to our numbers and nothing but whining. Needless to say, it demonstrates a real firm sense of entitlement to say that men deserve more degrees just because. Note that if making more money is a burden, then women taking steps to close the wage gap should be a cause for celebration.

11.)I get the privilege of having to be strong at all times in any condition.

Except of course when you're whining that a bunch of feminists won't recognize you deserve your male entitlements.

12.)I get the privilege of not being able to cry at any and all times.

For fear, of course, of being called feminine. Which should be a compliment, if women have so much more social approval than men.

13.)I get the privilege of being suspected of being homosexual if not married.

Enthusiastic homophobia. But he's right. People like Bill Maher and Hugh Hefner are suspected of homosexuality all the time because they won't settle down and start families. And no woman ever has had her family anxiously ask when she was getting married.

14.)I get the privilege of being a Mr. Fix It when I’m at home.

Nothing is worse than occasionally having to do something around the house when it breaks. Far better to be responsible for the unending chores that women are expected to do.

15.)I must date models at all times.

Um, if that's your preference that might be why you find that your beer gut is causing you to be rejected by your preferred dating partners. If you attempt to date women that aren't models, you will be surprised to learn that no one will stop you.

16.)I get the privilege of having tougher standard in sports (tennis, golf).

I have no idea what that means. Sounds like more whining that he's expected to pull his load.

17.)I must stand up for my manhood at all times and risk bodily harm.

If you choose to hang out with people who question it all the time, sure. Most men don't hang out in redneck bars all the time having dick-swing contests that lead to fights, though.

18.)I have the privilege of having the laws and courts back women in any accusatory domestic violence case.

Need I say it? Sorry that your privilege to beat your wife without punishment was taken away.

19.)I get to pay to go to a club while my date gets in free.

Oh, in those clubs that have to bribe women to show up? That has nothing whatsoever to do with trying to compensate for the privilege men enjoy of being able to go to bars without getting harassed all damn night, does it?

20.)I get to pay for all her drinks and her dinner if we have another date.

That's a big if after she hears you complain all night that she needs to pay the same price you do despite the ass-grabbing. I guess you also get the privilege of making a stink if she doesn't offer up her body after you spent $50 on dinner and drinks.

21.)I get the privilege of having her decide when, where and how we have sex.

No man has ever said, "Not tonight", of course. And of course, I'm sure Bike A Lot would just have to give in if she wanted to fuck him up the ass with a dildo in the middle of the street since women get to decide the where and the how.

22.)I get the privilege of going through sensitivity training when I’m too young to even know what it is.

I didn't know that they gathered pre-lingual baby boys, and only boys, to tell them not to bully others. I agree, that sounds ineffective.

23.)I get the privilege of accepting homosexuality even when I don’t.

Damn, not only do women get to demand whatever sex they want from Bike, so do men! He does have a disturbing existence.

24.)I get the privilege of going up against affirmative actions policies when I try to get a job or a promotion.

After interviewing with another white man in a situation that didn't have the social discomfort that the female applicants or applicants in racial minorities got the pleasure of experiencing. Luckily, this is just one more place where the system is working for you, Bike! You hate making more money than women, so there is affirmative action working to close the wage gap and make your life better.

25.)I get the privilege of having the role model of Homer Simpson.

If you look up to Homer Simpson, then that might be why you have trouble getting 18-year-old models, male and female, to consent to fucking you up the ass in the middle of the street.

26.)I must drive a nice car and live in a model home.

And you have the disadvantage of having a wife who is responsible for keeping all that clean for you.

27.)I must now share the housework even though I already do the yardwork and work more hours per week than my mate.

You made me pick my socks off the floor, you bitch! How dare you! I mow the lawn for one hour a week and tonight I worked 8 1/2 hours while you worked 8. And my dinner still wasn't ready until I'd been home 15 minutes.

28.)I get the privilege of getting called “misogynist” when I compain about anything-female.

That's like the guy who complains about being called a racist just because he likes to use the word "nigger". Can't a man get any peace?

I feel sorry for these men's rights activists. They so clearly want to be in women's station in life. It occurs to me that it's considered a compliment for women to be called masculine names, like to be told that you "have balls" or that you're "one of the guys". I think the least we can do is the same for these guys. Start telling them they have a lot of ovaries to show up at feminist boards and complain that they make too much money. Call them "one of the girls" if they do good. Since they envy women so damn much, surely it will make their day.

Of course, this whole list reveals what seems to be the entire philosophy behind the MRA movement, which is that women's problems deserve no attention until men have no problems at all. In other words, we can't deal with rape until we standardize the Dutch treat on dates.

575 Comments:

Blogger Hugo said...

Terrific, Amanda. Well done -- I almost felt bad that I sent so many MRAs to Amp's list, but it is too good not to use and your fisk is super.

1/26/2005

 
Blogger SaraS said...

A great job fisking that one! I find item #21 the most strange / creepy in his list - it almost sounds like he thinks it is somehow unfair that his girlfriend has the right to say "no" to sex. Yikes.

1/26/2005

 
Blogger sarah irene said...

Doesn't this poor guy have enough to deal with? Must he also face ridicule?

All together now: Yes. Yes, he must.

1/26/2005

 
Blogger La Lubu said...

Sweet bedda matri! Thank you so much for the good healthy, hearty belly laughs!! I'm wiping tears from my eyes!

1/26/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So many of his points are stereotypes/expectations that are expressed by men as often/if not more often than by women. I mean, what random woman cares if he's dating models? Who has said, "I won't date you unless you are currently dating someone who is drop-dead gorgeous!*" The whole idea is just ridiculous. It's totally a status thing among men. Immature men, even. But, hey, blame the feminists! It's so much more satisfying.


'mee, without a blogger account.

*Standard disclaimer applies. 'Drop-dead gorgeous' is used to denote a woman who meets or exceeds all current cultural beauty standards, no matter how sexist or harmful they may be. I neither support nor endorse these standards.

1/26/2005

 
Blogger Pseudo-Adrienne said...

Dipshits. They're whiny little dipshits who are mad that their male privileges are slowly but surely evaporating from Western society. Not to mention they're so damn homophobic and borderline racist.

And they ARE misogynistic because a lot of those guys either want to give men a say in when a woman chooses to abort or carry the pregnancy to term, or eliminate abortion all together. Why--because abortion and other forms of female birth control give women to control their reproduction, NOT men! Men have lost their control over women's reproduction thanks to abortion and the pill, and that pisses them off apparently.

Another point on their agenda; make men head of the household again, kick women out of the workforce, and put them back in the kitchen. Yes, create a neo-patriarchy! All of men's little problems (mostly self-inflicted problems) will go away.

I'll admit (dirty little secret time), because I was so interested in what these typically ultra-Conservative, WASP, homophobic, misogynist douchebags were whinning about, and always blaming feminism for, I trolled around on those "men's/father's rights" message boards just to *observe* them for a few months last year.....

And the misogyny just rolled off their tongues. It was nothing but "all women are greedy gold-digging bitches", "those whores have all of these privileges", "feminist-bitches have ruined everything in my life", "feminazis hold boys back in school", feminazi-cunts want to destroy men", "feminazism uses chivalry to further it's man-hating agenda", blah, blah, blah, BULLSHIT!!!

Seriously, as I sat here in my chair, watching them spout all kinds of misogyny, belligerently homophobic propaganda, and even racism, I just kept saying to myself "why don't you misogynist fucks just say you want to kill all women--especially feminists, or lock women back in the kitchen and keep them pregnant and then kill all of the Gay men, because that's what you're clearly promoting here?!!!"

Goddamn, those guys are hateful. And a bunch of whiners because they can't handle the idea of women NOT locked up in the kitchen, women who are NOT constantly pregnant, women with a career, women who are NOT submissive wives, women who are NOT heterosexual, women who DON'T need a man in her life, and women who don't kowtow to men and patriarchy.

But one thing that stood out to me the most, they were so damn obsessed with Lesbians. Not androgynous, non-traditionally feminine lesbians, but lesbians you would find in PlayBoy and MAXIM. They hate and fear male homosexuality/bisexuality, but the talks on pornographic lesbianism went on and on. It was creepy.

They're weak little boys who can't handle strong, independent women, so they blame feminists for everything that goes wrong in their lives. Even if it's a self-inflicted problem. Feeble-minded idiots.

1/26/2005

 
Blogger anon said...

Mouse you're a genius. I'm giddy that your stuff is out here to read, but I will not, of course, call you a credit to your gender;)

This "They so clearly want to be in women's station in life." made me think of the Sylvia strip Nicole Hollander did (ages ago) of the guy in a suit kneeling before the (female) indian guru?

"Oh Guru, Ancient Mother of the World, we men have been crippled. We have never learned how to feel; we don't know how to cry.
...
Oh my wise guru, can you teach me to cry?"
"Sure. No Problem. Tomorow I'll start you at a dead-end job, pay you at women's wages and then I'll throw in sole support of a pre-school child."
"Actually guru, I saw myself starting out slowly, watching old Shirley Temple flicks, maybe a few scenes from Bambi..."

1/26/2005

 
Blogger Elinor said...

Brilliant.

I like how he simultaneously manages to whine about patriarchal values ("having" to earn more money than women, "having" to date models, being expected to pick up the cheque, being in the army) AND about anti-patriarchal values (affirmative action, having to do housework, having to share university classes with women). AND a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with men OR women but with basic manners ("I don't get to gay-bash or force sex on people" — and women do?) or consumer culture in general (he "has" to live in a model house, look like Michelangelo's David with a bigger penis, and drive a great car, while of course obese women who drive rusted, disintegrating cars and live in rathole apartments are held in the highest of esteem).

1/27/2005

 
Blogger Trish said...

My, what whining! Great fisking. Those poor guys and their overblown senses of entitlement. I'd feel sorry for them if they didn't muck up legislative hearings with their incessant whining about not getting what they wanted in their divorces and custody hearings.

1/27/2005

 
Blogger Dr Pretorius said...

29.) I have the privilege of sharing a gender with misogynistic fuckwits claiming to speak on behalf of men.

Yay...

1/27/2005

 
Blogger jeff said...

"magical cunts" heh...god DAMN you're funny.

1/27/2005

 
Blogger ScottM said...

I'm also floored. Amp's "The Male Privilege Checklist" was mind opening to me; I'd long heard generalized theories and statistics, but he managed to make them concrete. I wonder if any of it sunk in to Sir Bike a Lot, or if he was post posting as quick as he could, to avoid having to consider the points?

Nick fisking. The guy was a gimmee, but you still did it with flair.

1/27/2005

 
Blogger Deja Pseu said...

I mean, c'mon...like *women* set up the "rule" that men have to date models???? Uh, yeah, right dude. Most of what he lists is stuff that MEN impose on other MEN. Get real.

1/27/2005

 
Blogger zuzu said...

Great job!

It must be awful to be so consumed with loathing.

1/27/2005

 
Blogger Linnaeus said...

Nice job. This really an incoherent rant; he wasn't able to separate what he thinks women impose on men from what men impose on other men.

He may want to consider that one possible explanation for men's health problems is that the stress of thinking you have to do everything takes a toll. Just maybe.

1/27/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sir Bike A Lot is correct that it's tough having to conform to male gender roles all the time. Of course, it's not the eeeevil feminists who are trying to force us guys to do that.

Julian Elson

1/27/2005

 
Blogger Roxanne said...

Who says women aren't as good as men at sports?

Honey, that was out of the park.

1/27/2005

 
Blogger zuzu said...

You know, I really have to learn to leave well enough alone at Hugo's blog, but I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

1/27/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor guy. On the one hand, he's horribly oppressed by not being able to say just how horrible he thinks gay men are, and on the other hand, he's horribly oppressed by all the macho stuff he has to do to prove he isn't gay. What's a guy to do?

Lynn Gazis-Sax

1/28/2005

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Good luck, zuzu. If this were 1920, those guys would just join the KKK to work out their belief that they aren't happy because their social inferiors are getting uppity.

1/28/2005

 
Blogger FoolishOwl said...

In all seriousness, I'm coming to think that there is some real cause for concern along those lines. There was a thread on Pinko Feminist Hellcat in which some "Men's Rights" activists described a protest in London, led by a tank. When I listened to the Glenn Sacks show, I couldn't help but be astonished by the advertisements that catered to the paranoid fear of women.

All in all, it sounds like some of these people genuinely intend to build a fascist movement on this basis.

From what I've read of successful efforts by the left to oppose such things, like the efforts of the BNP and skinheads in the UK in the 70s, there's a need for a two-pronged approach. There's a need to directly confront any actual demonstrations or the like by the extreme right -- when you've got the numbers to do it. And, you need to offer a better account of the origins of the real problems being suffered by some of those who might otherwise be swayed by the fascists' arguments.

While the checklist you mocked thoroughly deserves that mocking, and I'm not sure the person who wrote it could be reached, I wonder how many of those attracted to the "Men's Rights" arguments are accepting the caricatures of feminism they are being given out of ignorance, and failing to see that feminists actually do try to attack the social construction of male gender roles that hurt men, as inseparable from attacking the social construction of female gender roles.

1/28/2005

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

The fisking might be funny, but it strikes me as the wrong tack. When men question feminism, the correct response, it seems to me, is that feminism is about setting all people free, not just women. When a man claims he is more oppressed than women because he has to die in wars and earn more than his female mate, the correct response is "We're working to set you free from these gender-coded obligations." Ending slavery set whites free from the awful task of having to own and beat down other human beings. Increasing freedom for any is increasing freedom for all.

Over the last 13 years I've spent a good chunk of time going door to door, trying to talk people into supporting one progressive cause or another. I've worked almost entirely in the conservative South. I think mostly in terms of what will work when I'm standing at someone's door and trying to get them to join up with some progressive cause. Sarcasm doesn't work. Compassionate reaching out to their concerns sometimes does.

1/30/2005

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Lawrence, not that I don't agree with you, but this guy is being blatantly dishonest. I do think that mockery has its place; how many people have been converted to conservative views only because they were afraid of being mocked for being hippy-dippy tree-huggers? I try to be nice to people who are trying to do the right thing, but people who put the "white man's burden" shit on people that they wish to oppress do not have my sympathy.

Anyway, I look at myself as someone who is attacking the stereotype of the humorless liberal and/or the humorless feminist.

1/30/2005

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

Mockery certainly has its place and you've certainly proved you've got a sense of humor. I love your reviews of the MSN articles, they are hilarious.

1/30/2005

 
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Essential oils, roots and herbs can be used in a variety of ways to promote healthy living and cardiolite stress test. They are used to create natural remedies for treating ailments common to both people and animals, to add flavor to food, to make perfumes and to create environmentally friendly cleaning products.

You do not have to own a garden to tap into the benefits of plants, roots and herbs. A few herb pots located by a sunny window are enough to get you started. Then, all you need are some essential oils and you are ready to go.

For therapeutic purposes, only the purest oils will do. It is possible to be fooled into thinking that you are purchasing a pure oil. Often, a lesser quality blend of several oils is used to mimic the properties of the pure oil. Blended oils are acceptable for fragrance purposes such as for perfuming a room, but pure oils are a "must" for medicinal purposes.

A reasonable guide to the purity of an essential oil is its price. Pure essential oils are generally more expensive. Common oils such as lavender and geranium are much cheaper than frankincense and carnation oil. It is advisable to become familiar with essential oil prices and then rely on this knowledge when purchasing oils from unfamiliar sources. Keep in-mind that you will generally get what you pay for. A price list from a reputable dealer is a valuable resource when purchasing essentials oils.

Usually, pure essential oils cannot be applied directly to the skin and must be mixed in a base oil to reduce their strength. Base oils such as almond oil or wheatgerm oil are commonly used for this purpose. Base oils are generally derived from seeds, nuts or vegetables and allow you to create essential oil remedies that can be massaged into the skin.

So, what do you need to get started with essential oils and natural remedies?

Without a doubt, Lavender is one of the most useful and desirable oils. Not only does it work wonders on cuts, bruises and burns, it also aids sleep and helps with relaxation.

The Tea Tree and Eucalyptus oils are useful for treating a variety of respiratory ailments. These are excellent for the treatment of colds and coughs. They can be massaged into the chest or burned in an oil burner to help clear the airways and prevent congestion. Tea Tree oil is a natural antiseptic and can be dabbed on cuts, bites and stings. It is often used to treat spots and pimples and when diluted with water, acts as a mouth gargle (keep in-mind it should never be swallowed).

Another basic antiseptic is Geranium oil. With its distinctive perfume and pain relieving properties, it is a necessary inclusion when starting out.

Peppermint oil should also be purchased as it treats digestive complaints and may be used in preparations for freshening breath.

For fragrant perfumes and establishing ambience in a room, buy some Patchouli and Ylang-ylang oils. Often combined in scented candles and air fresheners, a few drops of each in an oil burner creates a wonderfully perfumed home. Orange oil mixed with Cinnamon oil is a lovely winter alternative that evokes seasonal, holiday smells. Besides their perfume qualities, all four of these oils have other properties. Patchouli treats eczema and dandruff. Ylang-ylang is reputed to relieve stress, palpitations and high blood pressure. Orange is used in natural remedies for depression and nervous tension and Cinnamon is excellent for warts and viral infections.

The herbs, Thyme and Rosemary can be grown in pots and used when needed. To create essential oils from herbs, stew some large amounts in pure water, collect the steam and cool it. The oil will rise to the top of the drained water and can be collected with an eyedropper. Alternatively, a "flower still" can be purchased to make the job easier. Thyme and Rosemary are both antiseptics and can be used in skin care preparations. They are also delicious when used in cooking.

Lemon oil and fresh lemons will purify water and, when mixed with honey, are effective remedies for colds and flu. Lemon and white vinegar are highly efficient cleaning agents that can be used for domestic cleaning tasks without damaging the environment. Use white vinegar as a natural disinfectant or mix it with water to clean windows and wooden floors. It is also handy to keep a bottle of white vinegar in your car if you swim in the ocean. It will bring instant relief from jellyfish stings.

Citronella oil is perfect in summer to keep the insects at bay. Another natural repellent is Garlic. Fleas will not bite a dog that has been eating garlic, so a few garlic capsules in the dog food are a cheap solution to your pet's flea problem. A soft collar soaked in Citronella will also do the job.

Garlic also helps to promote a healthy immune system when the weather turns cold and viruses begin to circulate. In fact, most of the oils and herbs listed above are effective in helping to prevent many common winter illnesses.

Whether you are looking for remedies or nature friendly products to use around the house, the oils and herbs suggested above should help get you started. You will be ready to make some healthy changes in your way of life!

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