Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Casual sex and inequality

I liked my comment over at Feministing, so I thought I'd link it here.
There is no doubt that for whatever reason, certain factions of feminists have been making alliances with conservatives over the whole sex issue for a long time now. They are dupes. Conservatives say that they want to "protect" women from male misbehavior, such as using women for sex and then dumping them, and that's appealing. But they are lying. They want to use feminist concern for other women to put women back into the kitchen and back into male control.
If dating and casual sex are hotbeds of inequality, it's a reflection of our society and not the fault of sex in and of itself. And as I say in my comment, the "solution" that conservatives offer is misleading. They claim that they want marriage for reining in men's uglier impulses. But control of women is the main thing. A woman married to a jerk is in a much, much worse situation than a woman who had sex with the same jerk and then he dumped her. I promise you that.

Edited to add: I added another comment. It concerns me deeply that feminists, in their desire to demonstrate their acceptance of women whose attitudes towards sex are outside of the Playboy Magazine mandated "it's just sex what's the big deal?" attitude, run the risk of ostracizing men and women both who perhaps don't always have the romantic, emotional view of sex either. Openness and acceptance needs to be the rule of the day.
While it's more than true that people often act more casual about sex than they feel, the opposite is also true that sometimes women make more out of sex than they feel. People's actual feelings change all the time, when relationships changes, moods change, they age, or even day-to-day.
While concern that a woman might be encouraged to act more casual about an encounter than she might feel is more than justified, there should be room for women to feel comfortable not taking an encounter seriously if that's how she feels. There is a lot of justified anger against an atmosphere where girls are treated like emotional wrecks if they have feelings. But the other side of the coin is that more women are probably in an atmosphere where having feelings about sex outside of the gushy romantic love view are made to feel like sluts. And that's playing right into the hands of those who want to oppress women.

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