Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Slurs against women

Usually I just ignore this entire debate, and probably for the lowdown reason that I looooove to use vulgarity and therefore at times I'm sure that's meant that I've used a word that can be taken as a slur against women. (Though, in a way, I doubt it. At the most, I'll call someone a "bitch", but that's usually my friends, male or female, and usually as a total goof.) But I totally appreciate how des femmes is calling out liberal male bloggers on their use of words like "pussy" and "bitch" to mean horrible things like "coward".

My boyfriend is forever buying magazines full of what I jokingly call "guitar porn", because it's just page after page after page of guitars that he won't own, but he can fantasize about. Well, one or two of them will be in his possession, but you get the idea. Anyway, a staple of these magazines is to have half-naked women draped all over the pages. The reason behind this isn't hostile by any means. They just want to sell more magazines to their target audience. But without meaning to, they send the message to female guitar junkies loud and clear--you aren't welcome here.

Now, many a female guitar junkie has grown up in a male-dominated world like the rest of us. She's not immune to the exclusionary message the magazines send, but she love guitars well enough to overlook it. She'll overlook it to look at the guitars, but rest assured, it's noted. And whenever anyone wonders why there aren't more women playing rock, it's eye-rolling time. Might it be the "No Girls Allowed" sign on the front door, you think?

(Seriously, a recent fat guitar porn magazine had Carmen Electra on the cover, who married a musician. I don't know if she can make a single chord. Message: who you fuck is more important than what you do.)

The same thing happens when male bloggers use sniggering anti-woman slurs. The message is loud and clear--they think women are beneath these discussions and hardly part of it. (And then they wonder where the women are.) I particularly got frustrated with this poster at Body and Soul:

As certainly as it is an insult to tell a woman (most women, at least) that she looks "mannish," it's an insult to tell a man that he is a woman, especially when you can couch your insult to suggest that the man is weak.

For fuck's sake, calling a woman "mannish" and a man by a female slur are so different that they are pretty much apples and oranges. For one thing, to call a woman "mannish" is pretty much the height of masculine insulting, and even that's pretty weak. It just means that she is gruff or not so pretty in her dress. Most masculine traits assigned to women are positive. My friends often call me a girly tomboy, or joke that I don't "count" as a girl (as previously stated, my friends are mostly guys), which is vaguely insulting at times but is mostly a compliment. I'm tough; I can hang; I'm like a man. But to call a man a woman is low, and it implies that he is weak and/or stupid. The two are hardly equitable. As des femmes continually points out, to call a man a woman when you mean he is a coward is to say women are cowards. And on that, I would definitely disagree--history will reveal to you the many thousands of women who faced down frightful foes enough to convince you that women are not cowardly by definition.

And if that doesn't convince those who would be inclined to use these words, let me remind you there is a homophobic element at foot, too. A good number of feminized insults are variations on implying that a man is homosexual and casting judgement on that, like using words like "pansy" or "sissy". As Dan Savage has pointed out, sissies are amongst the bravest people in our society, as they just go out and be themselves despite the fact that most people fear or loathe them. In all honesty, to call someone a sissy should be an honor.

Anyway, all these words sound daring but are trite. As Avedon Carol has pointed out, if you want to get under the Shrub's skin, call him a good, old-fashioned wimp. Or coward, if you are in a two-syllable mood. Repeat it loudly and often. It's the sort of authentic schoolyard taunt that will bring the Shrub out of his shell and make him lash out nastily. How could we ask for more?

184 Comments:

Blogger mythago said...

My friends often call me a girly tomboy, or joke that I don't "count" as a girl (as previously stated, my friends are mostly guys), which is vaguely insulting at times but is mostly a compliment.No, it's plain old insulting, and bloody sexist, however much they mean it as a compliment. They're saying that you've managed to overcome your femaleness and risen to the exalted status of Honorary Male. Imagine a bunch of white guys telling their African-American friend he "doesn't count" as black or is an "honorary white," and meaning it as a compliment.

9/12/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Well, exactly. I guess I was trying to say that but I did soft-pedal. But yeah, it's not intended as an insult by any stretch to men to call a woman masculine--it's an insult to women. And it's an insult to women to call a man feminine. Either way, it's a slap at women.

9/12/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Goshdurnit, now I'm gonna be insulted next time I get called a tomboy. I always took that to mean just as much that I'm a goofball as anything else.

9/12/2004

 
Blogger La Lubu said...

Amanda, I saw that conversation on Body and Soul, and I've been avoiding it too...not because I disagree, but because---shit, gotta pick your battles sometimes, otherwise you'll get worn out by all of 'em! Can't fight all the ignorance on the blogosphere!

Personally, I consider this a minor irritation. It's ignorant, it's wrong---but it doesn't have a major effect on my daily life. I hear that garbage all day long, guys baiting each other will taunts of "pussy" or "fag" or whatever...I don't get it. And to tell you the truth, neither do they! I've heard too many break table statements from men to the effect that they know women are tougher, and have greater struggles in life, to believe that most of them are taking any of the male-in-crowd bully chants to heart. Is it creating a culture of exclusion? I'm probably not the one to ask; I'm the one prying the door open anyway, and figure those who don't want me in the door are just going to have to find a way to live with me, since I ain't going anywhere! No, I think the real culture of exclusion stems from a deeper source, and the catcalling is a symptom of that source and not the cause. To use an example from my life: I don't feel excluded when guys catcall each other on the jobsite. I am excluded when a contractor calls for an electrician, then "pulls the call" and decides he doesn't need an electrician anyway, when he finds out he's getting a woman (and yes, I fought that, and he hired me, and kept me on for almost a year until he ran out of work...it was a small outfit). I fight what I like to call real battles, those that affect my ability to keep a roof over my head and food in my tummy; I can't sweat the small stuff--there's too much of it.

But I don't think people who do take up this conversation are wrong. This is one way of raising consciousness. And it needs to be raised! I'm glad there's folks out there doing it---I'm just not the one. I loved your example of the guitar magazines!! It's why I stopped subscribing to Mountain Bike magazine. I love mountain biking, but one too many articles about "why don't women fix their own bikes" and "why don't women compete in races", and one too many articles on how good the models looked at the bike shows (even though none of them rode, and couldn't answer basic questions about the bikes!), and how "cool stuff" for mountain bikers included "Barely Legal" magazine, and how "cool places to visit" at various biking meccas included all the strip joints.....and I'd had enough. These people didn't need any more of my money. But I'm still biking, and will for the rest of my life. They just won't be getting subscription dollars from me until they recognize the presence of women, too.

And if the "pussy" commentary gets a little too thick, I'm not above reminding folks that they came into this world through pussy, and there isn't anything in this world more powerful....

9/12/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What you describe for guitars happens for software too. It's rather alarming to realize that the only female face in a picture-heavy magazine is in an ad comparing computer security to condom use. Not in the "So-and-so saved their company this many dollars! by using our product" ads, not in the "Are you still using that old kiddy toy when you could be soaring with our product?" ads, not in any of the article headers. --Kim

9/12/2004

 
Blogger Astarte said...

Y'know, I always felt like being called 'one of the guys' was really a back-handed compliment until I started taking the guys to task for saying that. One of them, one day, said he didn't consider me one of the 'chicks'. I blinked a bit, turned around and asked him what he /did/ consider me, if I wasn't a 'chick'.

He didn't even have to think about it before he said: A woman. I thought that was one of the best compliments I've ever gotten, and I started to look back on how I've heard these things. They tell me I'm not 'girly' or a 'chick', but never that I'm not a woman or that I'm not feminine.

I think in men's minds there are several different types of women, and when they're saying that, what they're really saying is that you're not one of those needy, mealy-mouthed girls that shudder at swear words and act like they're sixteen because they think being 'cute' will get them out of doing some things. You're much more mature. You're a woman. :)

It really put things in perspective for me, but that could be because I spend my time around a (mostly) mature set of guys.

9/12/2004

 
Blogger mythago said...

I think in men's minds there are several different types of womenAgain, this becomes a lot clearer if you substitute racial for gender terms: "I think in white people's minds there are several different types of African-Americans. When my white friends tell me I'm not a 'nigger,' but an 'African-American,' I realize they mean I'm not one of those gang-banging, foul-mouthed punks *shudder*, and it's a positive thing."

We'd look funny at somebody who said that and BELIEVED it. Yet when our male friends tell us we're not like Those Other Chicks, we're all special and guylike, we feel privileged. Because that's what it is: we've been given a teeny piece of Male Privilege as a pellet for being good and behaving in a way of which the men approve.

I'm sorry, I know it's a bummer to tell well-meaning guy friends they're being sexist fuckhats, but I think it's a better choice then buying into the lie that it's OK and a compliment for them to divide the female world into chicks/broads/bitches/cunts and Women/Honorary Guys.

9/12/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

No worries here. I'm much too much of a smartass not to have a new opportunity to give someone hell.

9/13/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'course, lots of magazines marketed mainly towards women have half-naked women on the cover too. They're generally thinner and less shiny than the men's-magazine cover-women though. Though prolly the women on guitar magazine covers is more appeal-to-men women than appeal-to-women women.

For some reason, I find "bitch" acceptable as a verb, but insulting as a noun.

Julian Elson

9/13/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Mannish" and "tomboy" are slightly less crude code words equivalent to "dyke", "lezzie". So there is some symmetry there.

NancyP

9/13/2004

 
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