Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

What women don't know about men

Ah, MSN has delivered a doozy tonight. Let's dive in.

1. Men are not interested in what women have to say "Men are interested in what women have to say," countered Chris, 27, "as long as it involves one of the following: Our favorite sport, our favorite activity or your naked body. For example, many men would find it extremely interesting if a woman said, 'A couple of years ago, I got so drunk that I showed up nude to a football game.'"

Which is a way of saying that men aren't interested in what women have to say. Funny thing is last night I had a conversation with a couple of guys about how they are interested in women with brains and stuff. Must have been less than men.

2. Men want somebody who is just like their mother "Men do want somebody who will love them like dear old Mom," admits Eric, 42. "But sometimes Mom also annoys us; we don't want you to be like that. So love, nurture and spoil like her — just don't be her."

Apparently, men want someone who will take care of stuff like their mom but without the discipline. This is what is called human nature. It is also called tough shit. We all want to have someone who loves us unconditionally without expecting anything back. In the real world, a man who expects to be indulged like an undisciplined child is creepy.

3. Men only think about sex

The quote after is pointless, as is this bullet. That men do or don't think about sex all the time is not a myth to be debated. Some do; some don't. Here's a question for the women: What and how often do you think about sex?

4. He's spoiling me, so he must have plenty of money "No, I don't," assures Brady, 49. "I'm going a little outside my comfort level to woo you, but plan to return gradually to my normal level as you fall, hopefully, madly in love with me."

Amusingly enough, this entire deal is one of my boyfriend's pet peeves. He always pontificates about how stupid it is to dump a bunch of money on a girl only to reel her in and then start staring at the TV night after night. He takes great pride in his dating style, which is to say that he puts on no airs. I wouldn't recommend his way to everyone, though. That he reeled me in that way speaks of absolutely nothing.

5. If I sleep with him on the first date, he won't respect me "Not necessarily," suggests Juan, 21. "My impression of you is based more on how you treat me and how we connect than whether or not we're intimate on the first date."

Anyone, male or female, who doesn't understand that a this is a blatant double standard needs a thrashing. If a man tells you that you are a slut for sleeping with him too early, ask him who you did it with. He'll be confused. Explain carefully that since he clearly opposes hitting the sack early on, then it must have been someone other than him, because if it's too soon, it must be for him, too. Rinse and repeat just once. If he doesn't get it, spell it out. But even if he gets it, dump him. Any man who doesn't get the basic principle of good for the goose, good for the gander is just trouble.

6. I can change him "No, you can't," replies Jacques, 30.

Okay, this is good advice. As usual, they try to fuck with me by throwing one in that I don't disagree with.

7. Men are interested in my dating history "I couldn't care less about your sexual history," says Thomas, 19. "I don't care if you've had one or 20 partners; just don't tell me about any of them."

Notice they ask a 19-year-old. I don't think it's particularly anti-feminist not to dwell on any prior sex partners with your new one. It's not like women want to have their performance compared to others, either. I joke about pretending that you have never been with anyone else when you hit the sack with someone new; this doesn't mean to pretend that you are an actual virgin. Grown-ups are good at dealing with the difference.

8. Men don't like women who make the first move. "Sure we do," returns Romero, 39. "It's less work for us and shows us you have good taste."

Any man who has firm negative opinions about women who make the first move is one of those guys that also thinks that women always make the first move, with their eyes. Lesson to learn--you can't win. Avoid at all costs.

9. Men prefer inexperienced women "That's one of the great myths," admits Chuck, 52. "In reality, we'd rather be with someone who knows what they're doing."

This is one of those pleasing things that is sort of true but conceals a lie. The truth is it that some men do think that's a plus, for whatever screwed up reasons. Those guys exist, so don't feel odd about avoiding them.

10. Men are strong "No," assures Michael, who just turned 40. "We're babies, especially when we've got a cold or you break our hearts.

This is where you know that the writer, who is supposedly working in a world where men and women are so very different that these sort of lists should be easy to easy to write. But coming up with 10 whole differences is nearly impossible and she is forced to resort to conflating physical and emotional strength.

131 Comments:

Blogger mythago said...

It reads like an article written frantically close to deadline. Notice how the basis for what all men think, want and do are ten individuals. I can visualize the writer zipping around her office: "Hey, Paul, I got this article due tomorrow morning on '10 Myths Women Have About Men,' can you answer one little question for me?" (The 19-year-old is probably an intern.)

9/05/2004

 
Blogger Avedon said...

I used to think I didn't think about sex all the time until I realized that what I - and most young women - think about all the time is sex. We just think it's something else. Some people call it "boys", or a particiular guy you're hot for, or perhaps whoever is the current pop culture heartthrob - "Brian" or "Frank Sinatra" or "James Spader" or whatever. Oh, that's right, when we get older I think we call it "love", but the truth is that we have our own little hot scenarios and we don't realize that it's those scenarios, rather than the people, that we're thinking about. Sometimes guys think they're thinking about sex when actually they are thinking about girls or a particular girl or something else, too. I don't think we're allowed to discuss it in enough depth most of the time to realize it's going on.

There are guys who really don't have any interest in what women are saying, but those are guys who mostly don't have a lot of interests, full stop. You try to have a conversation with them and they turn out only to be able to talk about sports. Given that they have so few interests, it's not surprising that they have nothing else to talk to a woman about except whether she'll have sex with him. But you and I don't hang out with those guys, do we?

Any woman who bothers with a man she wants to change is wasting her time. And any guy who spends more money than he can afford to spend to court a woman is, frankly, a jackass. Those people probably deserve each other. I would expect a man who is courting me to devote some portion of his descretionary income to that purpose, but I expect that long after the deal is sealed, too. If he stops being nice, I feel free to stop being around him - after all, he's not the guy who courted me. I don't date people who I want to change "for the better", but I sure as shit don't want to put up with someone who thinks that once he's got me he is free to change for the worse.

Some men have a thing about how they aren't strong, but many men not only take for granted that they are stronger than women, they count on it. Even if they take pride in the fact that they are brain guys rather than muscle guys, even if they have deliberately pursued a career where they never have to lift anything heavier than a pen, they are incredibly threatened by the idea that there's a woman somewhere that they couldn't beat up if they wanted to. When I was taking karate, I had numerous musicians and other music-industry associates grilling me about whether I could take them in a fight. And I'd say, well, if I get good at it, yes, I could beat you in a fight. And several of them actually said, "But I could still kill you, couldn't I?" They seemed really worried about the possibility that they couldn't. It had never occurred to me that they would ever think about that at all.

9/05/2004

 
Blogger BlondeSense Liz said...

I just love your blog, Amanda. Good topics all the time.

Most of the comments by the men interviewed are pretty typical but not necessarily the norm. I know everything there is to know about men. I should have written the article.

It's up to women not to bother with men who don't care what they have to say. You can usually tell right away if a man cares about what a woman has to say. They won't change.

Most men compare women to their moms but I'm not sure they all consciously want women like their moms although some do pick women like their moms unconsciously especially when they pick overbearing women. It's true.

Men think about sex when they are young or when they are in a new relationship or just broke up with someone. Also when they first get viagra. Same with women except for the viagra.

I sincerely doubt that a guy sleeps with a girl on the first date to prove to himself that this girl is not good enough for him.

Decent men like flirty but not overly aggressive women. They don't always want to be the ones who have to make the first move. Future tyrants usually hate flirty women. Drunk men like really aggressive women.

Who cares whether or not men prefer experienced women? Don't tell them anything. It's none of their business.

I think men use some sort of lure to get a woman and then you watch tv for the rest of your lives together. It is not always spending money on her though. Sometimes it's deep thoughtful conversation or a once in a lifetime trip to a museum or a once in a lifetime great night of dancing at a club... it's something and then it's tv. If the guy is a jerk and buys me stuff.. who cares? I'll buy my own stuff.

amanda, take everyone's answers and write a new report!

9/05/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Men are interested in my dating history." Minor peeve: I wish "dating" weren't so common a euphemism for "having sex." Because statements like this put really weird images in my mind, of some guy who wants to know in gory detail about every time I went to a movie or had dinner with another guy.

"Men prefer inexperienced women." I'm sure most don't and a few do, as you say. But, you know, I don't mind a man preferring an inexperienced woman - if he's exactly as inexperienced, and if the reason he prefers her inexperienced is that he wants someone who won't undermine his personal commitment to stay a virgin till marriage, which he fully intends to live up to (well, even then, presumably his religion ought to allow for people changing and repenting, but it's fair for him to want someone who currently shares his values, as long as those values apply just as much to the gander as to the goose). Otherwise, the guy's attitude totally sucks, and he should be given a wide berth.

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