What women don't know about men

Ah, MSN has delivered a doozy tonight. Let's dive in.

1. Men are not interested in what women have to say "Men are interested in what women have to say," countered Chris, 27, "as long as it involves one of the following: Our favorite sport, our favorite activity or your naked body. For example, many men would find it extremely interesting if a woman said, 'A couple of years ago, I got so drunk that I showed up nude to a football game.'"

Which is a way of saying that men aren't interested in what women have to say. Funny thing is last night I had a conversation with a couple of guys about how they are interested in women with brains and stuff. Must have been less than men.

2. Men want somebody who is just like their mother "Men do want somebody who will love them like dear old Mom," admits Eric, 42. "But sometimes Mom also annoys us; we don't want you to be like that. So love, nurture and spoil like her — just don't be her."

Apparently, men want someone who will take care of stuff like their mom but without the discipline. This is what is called human nature. It is also called tough shit. We all want to have someone who loves us unconditionally without expecting anything back. In the real world, a man who expects to be indulged like an undisciplined child is creepy.

3. Men only think about sex

The quote after is pointless, as is this bullet. That men do or don't think about sex all the time is not a myth to be debated. Some do; some don't. Here's a question for the women: What and how often do you think about sex?

4. He's spoiling me, so he must have plenty of money "No, I don't," assures Brady, 49. "I'm going a little outside my comfort level to woo you, but plan to return gradually to my normal level as you fall, hopefully, madly in love with me."

Amusingly enough, this entire deal is one of my boyfriend's pet peeves. He always pontificates about how stupid it is to dump a bunch of money on a girl only to reel her in and then start staring at the TV night after night. He takes great pride in his dating style, which is to say that he puts on no airs. I wouldn't recommend his way to everyone, though. That he reeled me in that way speaks of absolutely nothing.

5. If I sleep with him on the first date, he won't respect me "Not necessarily," suggests Juan, 21. "My impression of you is based more on how you treat me and how we connect than whether or not we're intimate on the first date."

Anyone, male or female, who doesn't understand that a this is a blatant double standard needs a thrashing. If a man tells you that you are a slut for sleeping with him too early, ask him who you did it with. He'll be confused. Explain carefully that since he clearly opposes hitting the sack early on, then it must have been someone other than him, because if it's too soon, it must be for him, too. Rinse and repeat just once. If he doesn't get it, spell it out. But even if he gets it, dump him. Any man who doesn't get the basic principle of good for the goose, good for the gander is just trouble.

6. I can change him "No, you can't," replies Jacques, 30.

Okay, this is good advice. As usual, they try to fuck with me by throwing one in that I don't disagree with.

7. Men are interested in my dating history "I couldn't care less about your sexual history," says Thomas, 19. "I don't care if you've had one or 20 partners; just don't tell me about any of them."

Notice they ask a 19-year-old. I don't think it's particularly anti-feminist not to dwell on any prior sex partners with your new one. It's not like women want to have their performance compared to others, either. I joke about pretending that you have never been with anyone else when you hit the sack with someone new; this doesn't mean to pretend that you are an actual virgin. Grown-ups are good at dealing with the difference.

8. Men don't like women who make the first move. "Sure we do," returns Romero, 39. "It's less work for us and shows us you have good taste."

Any man who has firm negative opinions about women who make the first move is one of those guys that also thinks that women always make the first move, with their eyes. Lesson to learn--you can't win. Avoid at all costs.

9. Men prefer inexperienced women "That's one of the great myths," admits Chuck, 52. "In reality, we'd rather be with someone who knows what they're doing."

This is one of those pleasing things that is sort of true but conceals a lie. The truth is it that some men do think that's a plus, for whatever screwed up reasons. Those guys exist, so don't feel odd about avoiding them.

10. Men are strong "No," assures Michael, who just turned 40. "We're babies, especially when we've got a cold or you break our hearts.

This is where you know that the writer, who is supposedly working in a world where men and women are so very different that these sort of lists should be easy to easy to write. But coming up with 10 whole differences is nearly impossible and she is forced to resort to conflating physical and emotional strength.