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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Your precious child can walk

This article in Salon about efforts to get kids back into the habit of walking to school is great. Being blessedly childless, I was completely unaware of the utter chaos that has descended on schools now that every single child is far too precious to sully himself by trekking the half mile back and forth to school, but I got a rude awakening when my boyfriend and I moved out to the boondocks last year into a house around the corner from Ye Ol' Suburban Middle School. (Thankfully, we are have escaped the 'burbs and are back in central Austin where all my neighbors are gay, musicians, slackers, or students, and if you look out your window at 4AM on a Wednesday, someone is probably standing on his/her porch smoking. I feel safe here.)

It was pretty much impossible to completely avoid driving by the middle school in the morning or mid-afternoon when the parents were dropping their kids off, though I eventually got pretty good at knowing that you can't leave your house during those times without getting completely caught up in the clusterfuck of SUVs. In those times I forgot and it took 20 minutes to traverse the quarter mile stretch of road in front of the school, I was witness to the most depraved version of brainless American laziness I have ever seen in my life. I would see parents wait in a looooong line of SUVs for half an hour for the opportunity to drop their kids off 10 yards closer to the front door. In the afternoon, same thing--the parents would wait for an eternity to pull into the parking lot while their kids stood there at the front door just watching them instead of running out to the curb and jumping into the car so they could leave the premises within the hour.

On the occasions that I got stuck in this snarl with my boyfriend in the car, he would be prone to drawing conclusions from this sorry display about the state of idiocy in this country and end up concluding that this is how Republicans get elected. The mind truly boggles--at what point do people wake up from their stupor and see what's completely obvious to anyone who still bothers to think? Make your kids walk to school.

There's no real excuse for driving a kid who lives less than a mile from school to and from school everyday, particularly in this case where the kids are 12-14 years old. You can shave, you can walk, I say. And if they're smaller or you live further away, I can see driving them, but is it really necessary to drop them off right at the front door? My mom used to dump us off on the corner in the mornings and we had to walk home everyday. I ain't dead yet, so it worked out alright.

And what's wrong with these kids that they even want their parents to drop them off right in front of the school? By the time you are 12 years old, your stance should be that you don't even have parents, much less ones that kiss you goodbye everyday right in front of all your friends.

The afternoon clusterfuck was the one that really blew my mind when I lived by the middle school. Where are all these parents coming from? Don't they have jobs? My mom took us to school in the mornings on her way to work, but even if she wanted to, she couldn't have picked us up since she was at work. I realize that there are still a few mothers out there who don't work even though their kids are getting big, but it seemed like every kid at the middle school had a mom to pick him up. Where do they come from? Regardless, there is no reason for older kids like that to have rides home from school--the whole point of being that age is that you can fart around with your friends all afternoon without close supervision. That's all we did when I was in junior high and high school. Granted, we lived in a small town so it was hard for the parents to get worked up with fears that we were going to be snatched off the street by deviants by then. But even when I was younger I lived in one of the more crime-ridden cities in the country and no one was particularly afraid that we would get in trouble at 3PM on weekdays without adult supervision. And that was in the 80's, when there was more crime than there is now.

Paranoia is the unpleasant side effect of narcissism. When people wall themselves up in gated communities, escort their children around like bodyguards, and drive cars that are deliberately designed to look like armored tanks, it's because they've convinced themselves that everyone is out to get them. How fucking marvelous do you think you have to be to think that the whole world is out to get you like this? Reasonable precaution is one thing--I don't walk around by myself after it gets dark, either. But nor do I think the world is banging down my door to get to me, my things, my family. The world doesn't care enough about me, or even about you or your ordinary children who are not made of diamonds.

35 Comments:

Blogger Buddhist with an attitude said...

Amanda, I used to think like you. I used to fume and hiss and mumble vague threats when sitting on a plane near a mother holding a screaming baby, or dining in a restaurant next to hyperactive kids running around knocking glasses of water off their tables, or waiting in line at the cash register of a grocery store next to a cart carrying a whining toddler, etc.. Children are horrible creatures. That is, until I've got children of my own. Then it was my turn to endure hateful looks and lectures from non-parents on how to raise my children. There are plenty of books and TV personalities that tell me that I should be loving but firm, that I shouldn't let my kids sit in front of the TV, that I should force them to eat more broccoli and less candies, etc.,in other words, how to be the perfect parent raising a perfect child.. All parents know that. But, you know what? I gladly drive my children around, even though they can walk on their own to wherever they're going, just so I'm sure that they're not cold in winter, soaked in the rain or plain tired from walking. It's a parent thing. You'll understand when you'll have your own kids.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger ms. jared said...

here, here, amanda. well put. i agree completely.

when i was 12 i INSISTED that my mother drop me off NO CLOSER than half a mile from school lest the other kids see what a shitty car we drove and how poor we were and that yes, my mom did love me and always demonstrated that by kissing me. on the mouth. oy.

and we wonder why so many kids are overweight and unhealthy. i blame gay marriage. har har.

xoxo, jared

10/13/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apparently parenthood makes one believe that condescension is acceptable.

Whenever I hear someone saying, "Oh, you'll understand when you [get older/become a mother/fall in love/etc.]," I tend to dismiss everything else she says as not worth considering. I don't have time for people who believe their experiences entitle them to opinions on issues from which I'm apparently prohibited.

10/13/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS. "I drive my kids around because they might get wet"?? Are they made out of paper?

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Elayne said...

I hated walking to and from high school. It was physically uncomfortable for me, sometimes to the point of being unbearable. My thighs would itch uncontrollably when I wore a dress and panty hose, and my cordouroy pants would make that awful "zh zh zh" sound when I wore them. If a kid has trouble with that kind of walking, particularly a fat kid liable to be made fun of by others, I would never force him or her to do it, because I remember how bad it was for me. Better to get one's exercise in a swimming pool or a home exercise machine or one's back yard.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

I don't think that I was child-hating on this by any stretch. No one likes screaming kids, but I do understand that sometimes kids scream, etc. And, as I point out, there's certainly plenty of reasons to drive kids to school, but there is no good reason to sit for a half hour in line to get them 10 yards closer to the door.

I would like to point out that your reply does somewhat imply that my parents, by kicking me out and telling me to walk once in awhile and get out of their hair, didn't love me enough. I'm not trying to tell people how to raise their kids, but those who make a menace out of themselves by causing traffic jams and pollution to spare their children from walking are not above criticism.

10/13/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Buddhist, you're reading a lot into Amanda's comments if you're seeing that she hates children or thinks they're horrible. Thinking that children aren't as precious as their parents think they are or thinking that it's narcissistic to coddle one's children so much does not equal hatred for children. That's a trope I get heartily sick of, along with "it's different when you have children of your own" or the ever-popular "you'll change your mind." Falling reflexively into the stance that criticism=hatred or contempt is just a way of avoiding an honest discussion.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Ron said...

I agree. When (& if) I get to be a parent I hope I can resist the urge to drive them everywhere. I walked a mile to & from school growing up in the city of Chicago. There was more crime then, but we still walked, rode bikes or took public transportation everywhere. But people get irrational when it comes to their security. Statistically, we are safer now, but we're more paranoid.

I know my urban wanderings gave me a sense of freedom & independence many kids today are probably missing. For example, at 12 it was great fun to pretend to be self-sufficient by cooking & eating an afternoon meal at whoever's mom was working that day. We thought we were so grown up.

I want my (theoretical) kids to grow up independent thinkers and doers. I hope I have the wisdom to take the small risks necessary for that to develop. It's necessary because I'm getting married next June when I'll be 38. I'm not going to be 65 with a 25-year-old still living at home.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

Elayne, that's why I think that it's important to let kids wear comfortable clothes to school, even high schoolers. You have your whole life to be uncomfortable and dressed up--kids and teenagers should be free to move around and enjoy life a bit.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10/13/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

these people are sad that think their kids are so great and they wouldn't trade them for anything, blah blah...
I realize that parents love their kids and want no harm, but they end up being just another gas station attendant by they way the spoil them... should be saving bail money, not college money.

--Mark

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Susan B said...

Amanda, I think this is one of those things where parents can feel caught in the "damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't" trap. We live in a media culture that preys on parents' fears about evil child molesters and snatchers lurking behind every bush. My guess is that a lot of parents would rather err on the side of being overprotective vs. being seen as negligent. Yeah, the extra 10 yards thing is a bit excessive, I get that, but I see where some of these parents are coming from. I grew up in the SF Bay Area in the 60's and 70's, in a semi-rural area. Most of the time we either took a bus or sometimes walked the 1.5 miles to school. Don't know how many here remember the "Zodiac" serial killer, but he used to send letters to the media threatening to "pick off the kids like ducks in a shooting gallery" while they were waiting at the bus stop. My mom took to driving us the 2 blocks to the bus stop and making us wait in the car until the bus arrived.

Having said that, I should also mention that I'm the parent of a child with special needs (cognitive and mild physical disabilities). We not only drive him to school, but have to walk him to the classroom to insure that he gets there safely. I do feel for the people who live near that school; the traffic can be horrendous.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Susan B said...

I should also mention that I live in LA, and we do have almost weekly news stories about attempted abductions, gang shootings, or molestations of kids. Back when I lived in San Luis Obispo, this stuff was rare.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Amanda Marcotte said...

I park my car on the edge of campus and walk a mile to work every day--there is no reason to sit in on-campus traffic for 10 minutes to park a half-mile closer. A mile can be walked in 15 minutes or less if you pick up the pace.

Deja, I certainly think the paranoid media is to blame in part, but as this story points out, it would be safer for kids to walk if there were more kids out there walking--safety in numbers, you know. When I was a kid there were herds of children walking down the streets after school. I lived in El Paso at the time, which is really dangerous by media standards. Hell, a friend of mine got mugged in his front yard. But the funny thing about it, as Astarte points out, is it's a class issue. The most crime-ridden neighborhoods where the kids could actually use some security are the very ones where parents don't have the luxury of picking their kids up. It's patently ridiculous to think that kids walking home in a herd of other children in the quiet suburbs are in immediate danger of getting kidnapped.

It seems to me that people who clog up the streets and school parking lots dropping off their kids are making it unnecessarily hard on parents like you that actually have to take their kids into the classroom.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger thekeez said...

Sidewalks, people, sidewalks. Many newer suburban developments don't have sidewalks. This puts the kids walking in the streets. And if there are sidewalks in the residential neighborhood, forget it around any business zones.

My kids ride the bus - it's a Lord of the Flies nightmare for them. This has prompted me to want to drive them but me and mom work so...

They asked about walking or bike riding but it's too far to walk and they'd have to go by a very dangerous neighborhood to get to the school. And this isn't media churned fear here - it is a dangerous neighborhood.

But I will agree that I am not as free with them as my parents were with me in terms of letting them roam the world. Don't know why, but I'm not...thekeez

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Susan B said...

One more thought, I don't know about other school districts, but here in LA kids often attend schools miles from their home due to all of the "magnet" and "charter" schools, and from what I understand, busses aren't always an option.

Just FTR, I'm not arguing against kids walking to school; I certainly think it's preferable when safe and feasible.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Buddhist with an attitude said...

Why are Anonymous and a few others reacting so strongly to my comments without reading what I said? I never said that Amanda disliked children, I'm the one that thinks they are horrible creatures! And why is it condescending to say that you cannot know what's in a parent's mind unless you're a parent yourself? Isn't it obvious? After my husband and I became parents, we gradually stopped seing our single friends and started acquiring new ones, parents themselves. Our interests have changed, our schedules have changed, our whole life changed. It is easy for non-parents to preach, but their sermons are just as useful as a priest's advices to newlyweds. I happen to be willing to drive my kids around when it's raining, even though they're not made of paper, and I couldn't care less if you make your children walk or if you're a good or a bad parent. That's the whole bloody point of my comment: that each person will do what she thinks is good for her kids and that your point of view will change whith each new circumstance.

10/13/2004

 
Blogger Brandy said...

I'm twenty three so my school experiences weren't that long ago. I took the bus to elementary school, which was much too far away to walk and in the middle of what was then a very bad district (a drug dealer tried to sell my grandmother crack at a stoplight when she was coming to one of my recitals). The middle school and high school, right next to one another, were within walking distance so I walked. I was also a "latchkey" kid (is that term used anymore?) both in the mornings and afternoons. I woke myself up, made myself breakfast, often fed the pets, and locked up before school. In the afternoon, I made myself a snack and watched television until anyone got home. I survived. I actually didn't find it that bad. Now I really appreciate it because it has made me more self sufficient. I have a friend who, at the age of twenty-three, just recently started doing her own laundry. She's also terrified of living alone.

I take the public transit system to work now, but I walk over a mile to the bus stop in four inch heels.

10/13/2004

 
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