Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

After reading this, I don't know why people bother to date at all

One of my iVillage favorites, Mr. Answer Man, answer five "top" questions women have about men. All answers seem to be variations on the same theme, which is guys are lazy, dumb, and rude so don't expect too much from them.

1. Why are men such lousy listeners?
It's not that we're lousy listeners, we're just good editors. If you say something important or interesting to us, especially something about sports, sex or some other topic we hold near and dear to our hearts, we're all ears -- provided we're not busy watching a ball game or reading the newspaper. But when it comes to most other topics we couldn't care less about (fashion, fad diets, your best friend's new boyfriend), we know that if we nod, grunt and otherwise feign listening, it's almost as good and you may not even notice we've tuned out.

Your man is a lousy listener because you're boring. It's the only explanation. Don't forget that it's a woman's job to be amusing and a man's to be amused.

But it's the truth. If you want to try to change things, you have two options:

1) Be less boring or 2) quit talking altogether. Those are just my guesses, though.

Either try tuning out when your man is discussing something you couldn't care less about and see if he likes it (don't be surprised if he doesn't even notice)

Walking out of the room is helpful when trying to seem disinterested. So is covering up your ears and singing, "I can't hear you, I can't hear you."

or choose your topics of conversation more carefully, and save the fashion talk and gossip for your girlfriends.

In other words, be less boring, you nattering small-minded female.

2. How can I get my guy to be more affectionate?

We've covered this ground before, but hey, it's all in good fun. The key is to remember that men startle easily, so they can never be addressed directly.

To get your guy to be more affectionate, use the theory that "men are like dogs" and treat him like the most famous scientific dog there ever was, Pavlov's dog.

Um, who wants to be the one to tell him that "men are like dogs" means something slightly different than "men are easy to train." Anyway, if men are really like dogs, then why would you have to train them to be affectionate? How much more affection can you show than jumping all over someone and covering them with kisses every time they've been out of your sight for more than an hour?

For example, try a hug from behind. As you hug, make him smile. You might whisper into his ear one of those inside jokes that all couples have, or promise he can watch sports all day on Sunday, without a single complaint from you. He'll associate the affection with something good

In the meantime, you'll be reminding yourself that affection from you isn't something "good" in and of itself. But hey, you're a woman! You can take a blow to your self-esteem like that after all the practice you get.

and, in time, will warm up to the idea of returning this pleasure-producing behavior.

Don't be alarmed if he hugs you and then is puzzled when a can of dog food isn't immediately produced. It's a common side effect of this particular behavior modification program.

3. Do men like it when women play hard-to-get?

Dunno. I never returned his phone calls so I never got a chance to ask him how he liked it.

The bottom line is that men like the thrill of the chase and, yes, we want what we can't have. It's just part of how we're programmed. So if you act somewhat interested yet slightly unavailable, we eat it up.

I have never figured out how this tip is supposed to work in the long run. Eventually all but the stupidest man are going to figure out that you'll have him, especially if you say, move in or marry him. And if the chase is it, then wouldn't he quit wanting you at precisely the moment when that love is most important? I mean, if being that finicky is hard-wired into men, then what's the point of going out with men at all, since you know he's going to lose interest?

4. Why don't guys talk about their ex-girlfriends?

I refuse to believe that anyone asked this question, much less that it's in the top five most common questions.

It's not that guys don't talk about their ex-girlfriends, it's that they talk about them much, much less than women talk about (or want to talk about) their ex-boyfriends.

I suppose I should be heartened by the fact that he's making up questions in order to "prove" that men are nobly reticient and women are blabber-mouthed children. But he can cram more than just two stereotypes into the answer for one made up question.

There's a word for wanting to know about the ex-girlfriends your guy was in love with: masochism.

It's the only explanation. It's not possible in the slightest that women might be overly curious about these matters because they were brought up to believe that it's their duty in life to please their man as much as humanly possible and they are trying to figure out how to do that by finding out what he liked and what he didn't about his former girlfriends. Maybe this is a common question, now that I think about it.

The only pertinent questions you need to ask about exes are:
1. How long ago were you together?...
2. What caused the relationship to end?
If he says, "She was crazy," grab your sneakers and run -- don't walk -- away from him. You don't need some scorned ex around to make you nervous.

The hell? You should dump a man because his ex-girlfriend might bug you?

I do agree that it's wise to dump a guy who has a string of ex-girlfriends that are mysteriously "psycho", but not because you're scared of this mysterious cabal of mental patients. The reason you dump a man who says his ex-girlfriend is psycho is because he's probably in the habit of blaming all the relationship problems on women's natural irrationality, and it's only a matter of time before he's going around town calling you a psycho.

5. Do men like it when women tell them what they (women) want in bed?
That would depend on what you're requesting. If you ask a man if he wouldn't mind lasting longer or smelling better, you'll get a less-than-positive response.

So if he hasn't showered, just be unresponsive to his advances and refuse to say what's wrong. That's sure to make him feel much, much better.

So if you know a short cut or a sure-fire method, then by all means, speak up.

Unless, of course, that sure-fire method involves lasting longer or smelling better, that is.

If you're shy about speaking in specifics or are worried about offending him, rather than sit him down for an uncomfortable heart-to-heart, why not introduce some new and improved moves yourself, then see how he reacts?

Jump in the shower and make it seem like fun! He's sure to figure it out. That or he'll be confused as to why you're showering for the second time that evening. As for showing by example how to last longer, well, I'm still trying to figure that one out.

264 Comments:

Blogger zuzu said...

I've always found it dangerous to talk about ex-boyfriends too much, lest I be deemed a slut. Plus, who wants to relive all that? I seem to know more about my boyfriends' exes than they know about mine. Even if they don't dismiss them all as psycho, it's useful to find out whether they're, say, rescuers and maybe they're attracted to you because maybe you're so obviously going through a rough and vulnerable time.

Um, who wants to be the one to tell him that "men are like dogs" means something slightly different than "men are easy to train."You know, while going through clicker training for my dog, which is a system based solely on positive reinforcement, I realized it was a good way to motivate people to do what you want, whether those people are men, children, co-workers or what have you. Essentially, you reward with praise or bits of hot dog for behavior you want, withdraw your praise for stuff you don't want. No whining, no punishing, just no reward.

Frankly, I think I've been ruined by that obedience class.

12/18/2004

 
Blogger mythago said...

f you say something important or interesting to us, especially something about sports, sex or some other topic we hold near and dear to our hearts, we're all ears"Who IS that guy they're interviewing on ESPN? The halfback? He's hot! I'd fuck him in a New York minute." Sports, sex and TV--your man will be all ears!

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Blogger james d said...

Zuzu, I started clicker training with my horse, but I had to stop because it made me crazy--I started relating Life, the Universe, and Everything to conditionioning (operant, classical, whichever, I'm done with my final so I get to forget all that ;]). I had Great Theories about culture and opression that all went back to...clicker training. I was turning the entirity of Earth's population into a bunch of salivating dogs looking for pieces of hot dogs. See why I had to stop? :)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here, here, Anna!

On playing hard to get- that's where "The Rules For Marriage" come in, in which you continue to play hard to get with the man you married!

*vomits*

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Blogger Carrie said...

Worth noting that Mr. Answer Man addresses only a few issues that women talk about - either sports or sex, which men will listen to, or fashion and dieting, which men won't listen to. Geez the woman I know must be reading too much- our conversations do not begin and die on those topics.

WHY do men like Mr. Answer Man find pride in being a rude idiotic slug?!? Maybe they are proud about the fact that they can get away with being subpar? It's so ridiculous.

Thanks for the hilarious and biting response to this stupid article.

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Start Over : When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting.

Lighten Up : Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious.

Night of Passion : Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy.

Cuddle Time : When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence.

Make the Women Feel Good : Just like men, woman love feeling good about themselves.

Showing Love : Although hearing the words, I love you is special and important.

Realistic Expectations : No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect.

Go on a Date : Especially for married couples, but even for some dating couples, start dating.

Control Your Anger : Every relationship has difficulties, and sometimes, there can be some intense arguments.

I Forgive You : If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through.

Day at the Movies : Have a movie marathon some rainy or cold Saturday.

Dinner by the Fire : Order in some of your favorite food, open a bottle of fine wine, light some candles.

A Day at the Spa : Show your appreciation for the hard work that takes.

Keep in Touch : It is important that you keep in touch with each other often.

Motivate Each Other : Find a mutual incentive that will motivate both of you.

Adore your Mate : Appreciate and love them for the person they are.

Make Eye Contact : Think back to the first time you saw your now mate.

Respect Privacy : When two people come together in a relationship, each person has their own set of history.

Be Flexible : There will be times when your mate is right and times when you are right.

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Therapeutic Massage : You might be thinking what does getting a massage do for my health other than to make me feel good.

Eliminate Stress : Stress is a key contributor to poor health.

Young at Heart : Regardless of your age, if you start acting too old, you will actually not benefit yourself at all.

Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

Be Careful with the Sun : Everyone loves basking in the warm sun, especially if it is lying on a beautiful sandy beach.

Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

Check your Pulse : As you exercise, it is to your advantage to keep track of your pulse rate.

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Start Over : When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting.

Lighten Up : Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious.

Night of Passion : Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy.

Cuddle Time : When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence.

Make the Women Feel Good : Just like men, woman love feeling good about themselves.

Showing Love : Although hearing the words, I love you is special and important.

Realistic Expectations : No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect.

Go on a Date : Especially for married couples, but even for some dating couples, start dating.

Control Your Anger : Every relationship has difficulties, and sometimes, there can be some intense arguments.

I Forgive You : If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through.

Day at the Movies : Have a movie marathon some rainy or cold Saturday.

Dinner by the Fire : Order in some of your favorite food, open a bottle of fine wine, light some candles.

A Day at the Spa : Show your appreciation for the hard work that takes.

Keep in Touch : It is important that you keep in touch with each other often.

Motivate Each Other : Find a mutual incentive that will motivate both of you.

Adore your Mate : Appreciate and love them for the person they are.

Make Eye Contact : Think back to the first time you saw your now mate.

Respect Privacy : When two people come together in a relationship, each person has their own set of history.

Be Flexible : There will be times when your mate is right and times when you are right.

Encourage Friendships : Men, unlike women, have a more difficult time in developing close friendships with other men.

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Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

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