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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

The baby shower nightmare

Dunno if I told this story before, but flea's post on the Those Moms syndrome, or whatever you want to call it, reminded me of it. It's the sort of thing that you are afraid will happen to a friend who becomes pregnant. Luckily, my friends who are parents have been spared and are quite capable of carrying on an adult conversation.

Last year, this woman I know got pregnant and everyone in the little social circle that I know her through got all confused. Should we throw a baby shower or not? I was shamefully unhelpful, but fortunately some other friends of hers went ahead and planned one. Unfortunately, they invited those of us who aren't really members of the baby shower circuit. I refused to go, though I offered to send a present along.

Ah, but then I was informed that men were invited, too. I thought, well, they might ply a bunch of trapped women with punch and cookies, but if they are planning to invite men there will probably be beer and good food. I looked forward to the new man-friendly era of baby showers. Surely they won't subject the mom-to-be to a bunch of humiliating party games in front of men, I thought.

Wrong. Punch, cookies and a game where you had to guess exactly how big the mom-to-be's belly was around were all part of the afternoon's activities. It was exactly the sort of thing that haunts the dreams of anti-feminists--that the new, co-ed era meant that men would have to be subject to the the feminized tortures that women have had to endure for centuries.

The hostess handed out a bunch of blank bingo cards to the party, and we were instructed to fill in each space with common baby shower gifts. As the mom-to-be opened each gift, we would cross out our items until someone won. Luckily, my mom and sister had prepped me that something like this might occur, and I had a headful of baby gifts that I had never considered before, like washclothes. I diligently filled out my card, weirdly pleased that I came prepared. The gift-opening began and everyone quietly crossed out their squares and oohed and awed over the stream of diaper bags and whatnot. Then my boyfriend leaned over and said to me in an unduly worried tone, "I don't think I'm gonna win."

He passed his card and the squares are filled in with things like, "gimp mask," "motor oil," "44 magnum," "wheelbarrow," and the like. I stifled a laugh and then passed it to my friend next to me. She started to laugh, but stifled it and passed it to a friend next to her. He tried not to laugh, but we had reached critical capacity and couldn't hold it in any longer. So, like the bad kids in class, we had to hand over the bingo card to the hostess so she could show it to everyone. Of course, they just laugh at it even harder. The hostess was a little irritated, but the mom-to-be loved it. She kept the phony bingo card for the baby book.

245 Comments:

Blogger james d said...

I haven't read flea's post yet (headed that way), but I think I am one of "Those Moms." My horse is pregnant. I'm getting a little obsessive. And, ok, yes, thinking of throwing a foal shower. But no games. Just gifts. After all, taking care of a baby (horse) is expensive. :P

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12/07/2004

 
Blogger bitchphd said...

At my baby shower, we got fabric paints and those white cotton snap-crotch onesies, and we had an "inappropriate" onesies contest. Whoever designed the most horrible onesie, got the prize, which was condoms and lube.

The party favors were a fake fetish mag cover for a magazine called "KUNT: Knocked Up N Totin,'" with yours truly as the cover model.

12/07/2004

 
Blogger flea said...

Your boyfriend probably saved the mom-to-be from drowning in her own little personal pool of hell. My sister-in-law threw one of those baby showers for me when Alex was born and one of the games involved making me sit on a balloon and popping it to get some damned note she'd put inside it.

I am *terrified* of exploding balloons - I can't bear to hear them pop, and there's absolutely no way in hell I'm going to deliberately do it. It would be like eating a live roach on Fear Factor or something. It just isn't going to happen. I made my dog do it instead. My sister and mother-in-law are *still* irritated with me over it, 5 years later.

God, I hate bridal/baby showers, even when I'm the recipient. Hate them.

12/07/2004

 
Blogger brownstocking said...

I have hosted so many, I've become immune. Though the last shower I attended was from hell. I was the irritating guest who brought a book and sat in the corner. Til they made her play games, then I won them, so I could stop playing. Yep, a baby shower party pooper.

I'm not having kids, and pretty sure I'm not getting man-shackled. It's all a swizz. A swizz I tell you!

*looking for her tequila*

12/07/2004

 
Blogger zuzu said...

Thankfully, there were no games at the last baby shower I attended, of my college roommate. EVERYONE there was married and a mother. The scariest part was sitting with women I hadn't seen since college and listening to them talk about their minivans.

12/07/2004

 
Blogger mythago said...

I was shamefully unhelpful, but fortunately some other friends of hers went ahead and planned one.Kinda takes away from the credibility in complaining about how the party turned out.

12/08/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

This isn't a story about what a great person I am. But it is a bit more complicated than this lets on. For one thing, the parents-to-be were moving and we couldn't settle a date, but the woman who threw the party, being of a more forceful personality than any of me or my friends, just scheduled the shower on her own.

12/08/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, they just had a baby shower at my work today, only instead of doing it at lunch, they had it during work hours. Thank god nobody came upstairs to track me down and drag me to it, because I hate being forced to buy a gift in a subject I know nothing about (I had a $10 Target gift certificate on me just in case) for someone I don't know well. Not to mention being forced to sit there listening to "Oh, wook at the kyoot wittle baby SOCKS!!!!" for an hour, and then having someone notice someone unmarried is there and have them ask me when it'll be my turn.

*shudders* The horror, the horror.

12/08/2004

 
Blogger Mary Garth said...

Ugh, showers. Bad as a guest, even worse when they're thrown for you, and worst of all when they're thrown for you as surprise parties.

But that said, I'd like, in fairness to some of us on the other side of the parenthood divide, to note that sometimes friends without kids are pretty culpable in the difficulties arising between friends when one has a kid.

Fred and I had our first when most of our friends were not yet commitedly partnered, let alone considering parenthood, and it sure seemed for a while there that the automatic assumption on the part of many friends was that somehow my brain had gotten squeezed out during labor along with kid #1. At parties (when we were even invited), I clearly recall the people who would ask one or two polite, awkward questions about the baby, and then turn away, and who would then carry on conversations past me as if I didn't exist because (at that point) I was "at home" with #1. I felt as if it was a serious struggle to be reinstated as a thinking person in some social contexts.

What I really appreciated were the friends who could make eye contact and still hear/listen to me, even when I had to bounce a small person up and down while we talked or shovel spoonfuls of glop into a small mouth, and I tried to really listen to them, too.

Here's another thing--even if you HAVE kids, it can still be a loss if one of your friends has kids and turns into the kind of person who doesn't talk about anything else, because then they act as if now we have this HUGE thing in common, and they want to talk about it even more...

12/08/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

It's tough all around. I tried, and I hope it came across, to mock myself and my childless friends for our complete awkwardness when it comes to friends with kids. Some things are just hard to navigate.

12/08/2004

 
Blogger Mary Garth said...

Not to worry--I did get it. This just seemed like a reasonable place to add a perspective from the other side, since sometimes, the assumptions that people (with AND without children) make about a person, and the changes in the ways they treat her (and hims too), when s/he starts breeding can be pretty alarming...

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12/14/2005

 
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12/18/2005

 
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12/18/2005

 
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12/19/2005

 
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