Childish indulgence

Thisgirl links to this repulsive article that compares the gay and lesbian couples who wish to marry to flighty fourth-graders.

We were in elementary school – morning recess by the jungle gym. My buddy Kyle presided over the ceremony. I was the groom and Karen Smith was the blushing bride. The mock wedding lasted about three minutes. The mock marriage lasted about half-a-day. Oh, I was faithful…until Christina McCarroll caught my wandering eye during Math class. Of course we weren’t really married – we were fourth graders – but we sure had fun pretending.

Flash forward about twenty-five years – San Francisco, CA – An activist Mayor, Gavin Newsom, taunts the State’s voters and defiles both the rule of law and the sanctity of marriage as he cons thousands of “same-sex couples,” including the corpulent Queen of crass herself, Rosie O’Donnell, into taking part in a number of mock weddings held in San Francisco’s City Hall. Of course they weren’t really married – but they sure seemed to have fun pretending.

Websters defines marriage as: “The legal union of a man and a woman for life, as husband and wife…”

God, where to begin? I mean besides once again pointing out that Webster's isn't the final word in the definition of anything. (The final word comes from the OED, as everyone who writes for entities other than MND knows. And when the definition of marriage changes due to same-sex marriages becoming common, you can bet the OED will change to reflect that fact.)

But mostly what I want to address is the argument that equates homosexuality with the whims of children. The implication of this argument is that gays and lesbians are just selfish brats and that mature adults suck it up and struggle through marriage to members of the opposite sex for the greater good of society. Now, this argument does hail from a notoriously sexist and misogynistic website, so maybe the guy does think tolerating the presence of a female in his home is a sacrifice. But, c'mon, think this argument through?

It's like saying, "Hell, I'd like to marry my golf partner, but to demonstrate that I'm a responsible adult, I found some woman to marry. Blow jobs from my buds are a thing of my childish past. Now I go to bed with my wife and follow Queen Victoria's advice to close my eyes and think of England." Yeah, I don't think that's what he's trying to say, but that's what comes across when he equates gay marriage with playtime and straight marriage with the dour responsibilities of adulthood.

What we have here is a complete disconnect with how most people view marriage. Most people expect marriage to be a source of pleasure and joy in their lives, on the whole. Which is to say, we all know that marriage is a responsibility and there are hard times, disagreements, etc. But in the end, most people figure that a marriage that is viewed merely as a responsibility and not as a source of joy in their lives is not really a marriage at all and should be ended.

His comment at the end of the quote mocking those couples for "having fun" on their wedding day strikes me as telling. How is that different from what heterosexual couples expect on their wedding day? It's an occasion for joy, and yes for childish fun. I can't speak for everyone, but at most weddings I go to there is a lot of stupid, downright childish fun going on. Even during the ceremony itself there is usually a joke or two to relieve the pressure from the couple who is taking this big step. You cannot divorce childish joy from married life; in fact, I daresay people need that from their marriages to be happy.

Lurking under all discussions about same-sex marriage is the specter of sex, all kinds of sex. Gay, straight, married, not married. If someone thinks it's childish to be all giddy about getting married, then god knows that he probably thinks treating sex like an indulgent pleasure is probably wrong, too. (England, England, you can get through this.) And I see that attitude in spades in this article.

Without delving into the overly descriptive mechanics, suffice it to say that, scientifically speaking, the sexual act was designed for procreation – nothing more, nothing less… I know, not very romantic, but we’re talking science here. Further, the design behind the human digestive system was solely and entirely intended for digestion, not for makeshift sexual activity – there’s not a sex organ in the mix.

Psst...he's talking about the A-N-A-L-S-E-X here. I'm presuming that he also turns his nose up to blow jobs from his wife, since the mouth is also "designed" (a little Creationism slipped in there, always on the lookout) solely for digestion. Well, and maybe for talking. I guess that keeping digestive organs out of sexual behavior also precludes any kissing. Ew--rubbing digestive organs together! Swapping digestive fluids into each other's digestive organs! Kissing is appalling. I assume that our writer will be flipping out the next time he's at a straight wedding and the groom is instructed to kiss the bride.

The whole thing really is a testament to man’s creativity. Give us something good, and we’ll bend over backwards to twist it into something else.

Playfulness, creativity, imagination, and other "childish" things are not to be employed for sexual pleasure, you see. (Who was the first person to think up kissing? Infidel.) Take the argument that sex should be treated as a round peg, round hole, biological operation much like taking a dump, and you rule out the sex that the vast majority of straight people enjoy as well. Including (gasp!) A-N-A-L-S-E-X.

It's hard not to make snotty comments based on phony psychoanalyzing of this attitude that sex is a mere round peg, round hole biological operation. Does it stem from a lifetime of rationalizing being too lazy to get into foreplay? Coming within seconds? An Ashcroftian fear of looking at boobies for too long?

Nah, it's just plain old homophobia with a pile of stupid justifications. Sex is playtime for grown-ups, and marriage is something we take multi-faceted joy in, including the pleasures of acting childish at times. (Baby talk, tickle fights, in-jokes? 'fess up. You goof around with your S.O. and you know it.) You don't see the "sex is deadly serious" crowd taking up pitchforks to raid Victoria's Secret, and lingerie is just dress-up time for adults. The dangers of sex don't change this.

It’s no wonder that homosexual men account for over 50% of all hepatitis cases, and still account for over 50% of all AIDS cases despite the fact that they only make up 1-3% of the population. Homosexual men and women share a markedly increased risk of contracting nearly all forms of STD.

He also mentions something intriguing about "sodomy-related injuries" he doesn't elaborate on, mostly because he made it up.

Anyway, did you know that women make up 100% of pregnant people even though they are only 50% of the population? Did you know that heterosexual sex accounts for 99% of pregnancies? And that experts think that 100% of teenage pregnancies result for heterosexual contact? As did 100% of unplanned pregnancies, even in adults!

Piling on a bunch of made-up and bullshit statistics to scare people doesn't change the basic fact that sex is not experienced as a dry adult responsibility. Yes, people need to take responsibility, but waving the flag of responsibility around doesn't make the fact that people have sex for pleasure away.

Same-sex marriage opponents should not be allowed to hide behind terms like "responsibility". Gay or straight, taking the plunge into marriage is taking on a responsibility, but for most, it's a childish act of faith in love. And that's fine. If it weren't for childish things like love, fun, affection, indulgence, and pleasure, there would be no reason to take on adult things like responsibility.