Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Childish indulgence

Thisgirl links to this repulsive article that compares the gay and lesbian couples who wish to marry to flighty fourth-graders.

We were in elementary school – morning recess by the jungle gym. My buddy Kyle presided over the ceremony. I was the groom and Karen Smith was the blushing bride. The mock wedding lasted about three minutes. The mock marriage lasted about half-a-day. Oh, I was faithful…until Christina McCarroll caught my wandering eye during Math class. Of course we weren’t really married – we were fourth graders – but we sure had fun pretending.

Flash forward about twenty-five years – San Francisco, CA – An activist Mayor, Gavin Newsom, taunts the State’s voters and defiles both the rule of law and the sanctity of marriage as he cons thousands of “same-sex couples,” including the corpulent Queen of crass herself, Rosie O’Donnell, into taking part in a number of mock weddings held in San Francisco’s City Hall. Of course they weren’t really married – but they sure seemed to have fun pretending.


Websters defines marriage as: “The legal union of a man and a woman for life, as husband and wife…”

God, where to begin? I mean besides once again pointing out that Webster's isn't the final word in the definition of anything. (The final word comes from the OED, as everyone who writes for entities other than MND knows. And when the definition of marriage changes due to same-sex marriages becoming common, you can bet the OED will change to reflect that fact.)

But mostly what I want to address is the argument that equates homosexuality with the whims of children. The implication of this argument is that gays and lesbians are just selfish brats and that mature adults suck it up and struggle through marriage to members of the opposite sex for the greater good of society. Now, this argument does hail from a notoriously sexist and misogynistic website, so maybe the guy does think tolerating the presence of a female in his home is a sacrifice. But, c'mon, think this argument through?

It's like saying, "Hell, I'd like to marry my golf partner, but to demonstrate that I'm a responsible adult, I found some woman to marry. Blow jobs from my buds are a thing of my childish past. Now I go to bed with my wife and follow Queen Victoria's advice to close my eyes and think of England." Yeah, I don't think that's what he's trying to say, but that's what comes across when he equates gay marriage with playtime and straight marriage with the dour responsibilities of adulthood.

What we have here is a complete disconnect with how most people view marriage. Most people expect marriage to be a source of pleasure and joy in their lives, on the whole. Which is to say, we all know that marriage is a responsibility and there are hard times, disagreements, etc. But in the end, most people figure that a marriage that is viewed merely as a responsibility and not as a source of joy in their lives is not really a marriage at all and should be ended.

His comment at the end of the quote mocking those couples for "having fun" on their wedding day strikes me as telling. How is that different from what heterosexual couples expect on their wedding day? It's an occasion for joy, and yes for childish fun. I can't speak for everyone, but at most weddings I go to there is a lot of stupid, downright childish fun going on. Even during the ceremony itself there is usually a joke or two to relieve the pressure from the couple who is taking this big step. You cannot divorce childish joy from married life; in fact, I daresay people need that from their marriages to be happy.

Lurking under all discussions about same-sex marriage is the specter of sex, all kinds of sex. Gay, straight, married, not married. If someone thinks it's childish to be all giddy about getting married, then god knows that he probably thinks treating sex like an indulgent pleasure is probably wrong, too. (England, England, you can get through this.) And I see that attitude in spades in this article.

Without delving into the overly descriptive mechanics, suffice it to say that, scientifically speaking, the sexual act was designed for procreation – nothing more, nothing less… I know, not very romantic, but we’re talking science here. Further, the design behind the human digestive system was solely and entirely intended for digestion, not for makeshift sexual activity – there’s not a sex organ in the mix.

Psst...he's talking about the A-N-A-L-S-E-X here. I'm presuming that he also turns his nose up to blow jobs from his wife, since the mouth is also "designed" (a little Creationism slipped in there, always on the lookout) solely for digestion. Well, and maybe for talking. I guess that keeping digestive organs out of sexual behavior also precludes any kissing. Ew--rubbing digestive organs together! Swapping digestive fluids into each other's digestive organs! Kissing is appalling. I assume that our writer will be flipping out the next time he's at a straight wedding and the groom is instructed to kiss the bride.

The whole thing really is a testament to man’s creativity. Give us something good, and we’ll bend over backwards to twist it into something else.

Playfulness, creativity, imagination, and other "childish" things are not to be employed for sexual pleasure, you see. (Who was the first person to think up kissing? Infidel.) Take the argument that sex should be treated as a round peg, round hole, biological operation much like taking a dump, and you rule out the sex that the vast majority of straight people enjoy as well. Including (gasp!) A-N-A-L-S-E-X.

It's hard not to make snotty comments based on phony psychoanalyzing of this attitude that sex is a mere round peg, round hole biological operation. Does it stem from a lifetime of rationalizing being too lazy to get into foreplay? Coming within seconds? An Ashcroftian fear of looking at boobies for too long?

Nah, it's just plain old homophobia with a pile of stupid justifications. Sex is playtime for grown-ups, and marriage is something we take multi-faceted joy in, including the pleasures of acting childish at times. (Baby talk, tickle fights, in-jokes? 'fess up. You goof around with your S.O. and you know it.) You don't see the "sex is deadly serious" crowd taking up pitchforks to raid Victoria's Secret, and lingerie is just dress-up time for adults. The dangers of sex don't change this.

It’s no wonder that homosexual men account for over 50% of all hepatitis cases, and still account for over 50% of all AIDS cases despite the fact that they only make up 1-3% of the population. Homosexual men and women share a markedly increased risk of contracting nearly all forms of STD.

He also mentions something intriguing about "sodomy-related injuries" he doesn't elaborate on, mostly because he made it up.

Anyway, did you know that women make up 100% of pregnant people even though they are only 50% of the population? Did you know that heterosexual sex accounts for 99% of pregnancies? And that experts think that 100% of teenage pregnancies result for heterosexual contact? As did 100% of unplanned pregnancies, even in adults!

Piling on a bunch of made-up and bullshit statistics to scare people doesn't change the basic fact that sex is not experienced as a dry adult responsibility. Yes, people need to take responsibility, but waving the flag of responsibility around doesn't make the fact that people have sex for pleasure away.

Same-sex marriage opponents should not be allowed to hide behind terms like "responsibility". Gay or straight, taking the plunge into marriage is taking on a responsibility, but for most, it's a childish act of faith in love. And that's fine. If it weren't for childish things like love, fun, affection, indulgence, and pleasure, there would be no reason to take on adult things like responsibility.

54 Comments:

Blogger sherrold999 said...

Nice disection. The only one you missed was this one:

Homosexual men and women share a markedly increased risk of contracting nearly all forms of STD.Homosexual women don't share an increased risk. Lesbians actually have a greatly decreased risk -- something that crowd tends to want to forget or lie about when they're trying to make the argument that homosex = STDs = unnatural.

But overall, yes -- the idea that marriage equals buckling down, putting aside childish pleasure and doing the right thing... well, it just makes me feel sorry for the author. It reminds me a little of Paul Cameron's crackpot comments about how gay sex is so compelling that if straight men try it, they'll never come back and get married to a (ick, implied) woman.

shereld

12/13/2004

 
Blogger Stentor said...

I think it's pretty obvious that our fingers were designed for picking fruit and grooming for lice. How dare this guy twist them into the unnatural function of typing up an article?

12/13/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have nothing particularly constructive to add, other than: great post!

I think there's a special circle of hell reserved for people who wilfully misuse statistics. Anyone quoting such meaningless statistics (and that includes anyone who's ever written for a tabloid newspaper) should be sent on a compulsory statistics course.

- The Birdwoman
http://www.birdwoman.co.uk/blog

12/13/2004

 
Blogger Jeff said...

I stopped reading the article when he tried to use the Webster's dictionary definition of marriage. That's the kind of lazy writing that makes my eyes glaze over when my students are writing crap like that, and I definitely can't take it elsewhere either.

12/13/2004

 
Blogger Hugo said...

Well, and giving birth was, arguably, the leading cause of death for women before 1850. An excellent argument against heterosexuality.

12/13/2004

 
Blogger Roxanne said...

But mostly what I want to address is the argument that equates homosexuality with the whims of children. The implication of this argument is that gays and lesbians are just selfish brats and that mature adults suck it up and struggle through marriage to members of the opposite sex for the greater good of society.That's one POV in Oliver Stone's idiot epic, "Alexander."

12/13/2004

 
Blogger Mentis Fugit said...

I'm presuming that he also turns his nose up to blow jobs from his wife,Do you think she'd want to?

since the mouth is also "designed" (a little Creationism slipped in there, always on the lookout)Ooh, good call!

solely for digestion.Nitpick: ingestion.

Well, and maybe for talking.Not if the bitch knows what's good for her and shuts up. (Just trying to channel the author. Now I feel dirty.)

12/13/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

I'm not surprised. It seems to be there's a strong correlation between thinking that gay men are indulgent children and hating women, i.e., that gay men are just refusing to take on the onerous responsibility of putting up with women. Oliver Stone doesn't think much of women, and I can see why he would have this attitude, too.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not fair the Oliver Stone bashing, guys. You may not like the movie, but his portrayal of homosexuality IS the way the ancient Greeks and Macedonians thought of it. Male-male relationships WERE a thing of childhood (and of older adult life). You DID "grow up" and get married (usually lovelessly) and have children, irrespective of your same-sex relationships. OTOH, you often continued having those same-sex relationships outside of your marriage, at least if you were male.

This article by a friend of mine is mostly about the Fundamentalist Xtian arguments against homosexuality, but it also covers the ancient Greek homosexuality point pretty well: http://www.livejournal.com/users/bradhicks/119283.html

I don't think that the ancient Greek model of romance and love is necessarily a good one to be holding up for life today. But for the sake of all the gods, people, don't bitch at Oliver Stone on the rare occasion he gets something *right*!

--alienne

12/14/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

It's not a matter of Stone's facts, it's his interpretation. He's reinforcing the common belief that gay men are simply rejecting women, not that they are primarily attracted to men.

12/15/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, for ancient Greeks homosexuality was a matter of bonding between men (especially soldiers), the only "childish" part was when it involved young teenagers who were "mentored" by adult men. The idea that the Greeks saw it as a childish foolish thing is new to me. I was always taught it was a well respected practice. Plus, come on, when Hollywood makes epics based on ancient history, they add their own agenda into it so much it becomes completely unrelated to the original. See how they censored the gay relationship in the Iliad.

12/15/2004

 
Blogger Lenka said...

Another excellent post, Amanda.

It made me recall some comments I had read on "Alas" just after the election, where a reader compared same-sex couples seeking the right marry with a - yes, "flighty" girl who has been badgering her parents for a pony (marriage), while rejecting their compromise offer of a bicycle (something less than marriage). The writer went on to say that this (the results of the last election) are what spoiled little girls get (and deserve) when they don't settle for second-best.

I'm also sick and tired of being patronized by this kind of homophobia - and I really enjoyed the way you responded to this type of slander in this post. Bravo!

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There isn't even any such thing as "Websters". Anybody can put out a dictionary with Noah Webster's name on it, and just about everybody does.

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Cuddle Time : When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence.

Make the Women Feel Good : Just like men, woman love feeling good about themselves.

Showing Love : Although hearing the words, I love you is special and important.

Realistic Expectations : No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect.

Go on a Date : Especially for married couples, but even for some dating couples, start dating.

Control Your Anger : Every relationship has difficulties, and sometimes, there can be some intense arguments.

I Forgive You : If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through.

Day at the Movies : Have a movie marathon some rainy or cold Saturday.

Dinner by the Fire : Order in some of your favorite food, open a bottle of fine wine, light some candles.

A Day at the Spa : Show your appreciation for the hard work that takes.

Keep in Touch : It is important that you keep in touch with each other often.

Motivate Each Other : Find a mutual incentive that will motivate both of you.

Adore your Mate : Appreciate and love them for the person they are.

Make Eye Contact : Think back to the first time you saw your now mate.

Respect Privacy : When two people come together in a relationship, each person has their own set of history.

Be Flexible : There will be times when your mate is right and times when you are right.

Encourage Friendships : Men, unlike women, have a more difficult time in developing close friendships with other men.

relationship

2/02/2006

 
Anonymous Michelle said...


online relationship 101 Ways to Build Happy, Lasting Relationships.

Multilingual : English - Chinese Simplified - Chinese Traditional - Dutch - French - German - Greek - Italian - Japanese - Korean - Portuguese - Russian - Spanish

Start Over : When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting.

Lighten Up : Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious.

Night of Passion : Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy.

Cuddle Time : When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence.

Make the Women Feel Good : Just like men, woman love feeling good about themselves.

Showing Love : Although hearing the words, I love you is special and important.

Realistic Expectations : No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect.

Go on a Date : Especially for married couples, but even for some dating couples, start dating.

Control Your Anger : Every relationship has difficulties, and sometimes, there can be some intense arguments.

I Forgive You : If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through.

Day at the Movies : Have a movie marathon some rainy or cold Saturday.

Dinner by the Fire : Order in some of your favorite food, open a bottle of fine wine, light some candles.

A Day at the Spa : Show your appreciation for the hard work that takes.

Keep in Touch : It is important that you keep in touch with each other often.

Motivate Each Other : Find a mutual incentive that will motivate both of you.

Adore your Mate : Appreciate and love them for the person they are.

Make Eye Contact : Think back to the first time you saw your now mate.

Respect Privacy : When two people come together in a relationship, each person has their own set of history.

Be Flexible : There will be times when your mate is right and times when you are right.

Encourage Friendships : Men, unlike women, have a more difficult time in developing close friendships with other men.

online relationship

2/06/2006

 
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2/11/2006

 
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2/19/2006

 

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