Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Mouse Words Holiday Guide

From someone whose family is loud-mouthed and mostly voted for Bush, so I know of which I speak.
  • If staying overnight at someone's house, bring your own blankets. No two people have the same taste in blankets and using someone else's overnight will make it hard to sleep.
  • Board games are the perfect way to funnel out all that family aggression into healthy competition. But you have to be selective about which games. I like Trivial Pursuit, since I am a trivia nerd. But this is precisely why everyone else hates it. This year I am bringing the 20th anniversay edition, which only has questions from the last 20 years, so everyone can feel like an insufferable know-it-all.
  • Know who your allies are--people you know who will rescue from mindless hours of football, etc. Make sure to subtly align yourself with your allies early on by taking their side when the rest of the family teases them.
  • Have a buddy, like they do in AA, to keep you from falling off the political bandwagon and engaging in debates with relatives. Mine is my sister. Our politics are not like each others, but nor are they like anyone else's in the family. We've got each other's back in the subject-changing department.
  • For vegetarians who get teased about this, there are a number of strategies to deflect criticism and change the subject. You have to feel this one out. Regardless of the strategy, a somewhat apologetic tone is required, like implying that vegetarianism is nothing more than a fad diet like the Atkins diet, so your relative can wonder if you're feeble-minded or a genius, giving you time to escape. Under no circumstances do you cite opposition to animal cruelty, especially to middle-aged Texas football fans. Basically, avoid the high-minded reasons and pretend you are just eccentric.
  • When grilled about why in the hell you voted for John Kerry, there's a slightly different tactic to use. Conservatives cannot argue with the doctrine of Self-Interest, so come up with a very specific, albeit very important, reason you had to vote for Kerry that is self-interested. Think of it ahead of time, deliver your reason in a shucks-that's-how-it-is tone, and most importantly, never waver, even in the wording. Use the Shrub's tactics. Since it got their votes it should win your peace. Young men merely have to say that they are afraid of the draft. They'll try to argue with you, so channel the Shrub and meet every argument with, "Yeah, but I don't want to be drafted," regardless of what they said. There are plenty. "I want an FHA loan to buy a house." "I work for the government." "I drive too far for gas prices to go up." It doesn't have to make sense as long as you're consistent. My story is that I work in financial aid and if they cut all federal financial aid to college students, I won't have a job. End of story.
  • However, if they are especially persistent, whip out Shrubian tactic #2--the non sequiter that shames the questioner. I plan to answer all persistent inquiries with, "Well, I just trust somehow who actually fought in Vietnam." Rinse and repeat until they give up, because the only thing they can say to that is they trust someone who didn't fight better.
  • Don't ever volunteer to mash the potatoes. In fact, if you're not drafted to cook, a dishtowel is your best bet. Young men especially are good candidates for volunteering for dish duty. In most families, you will be crowned Hero of the Year for pitching in when the older men retreat to watch TV.
  • Admittance to the grown-up table should be doled out by age, and not marital status, whether someone has had children or by sex. Too bad my ruling has no authority behind it. Granted, I'm biased because I'm the oldest grandchild, but still. If I'm ever told again to sacrifice my spot at the grown-up table to someone younger simply because that person has had children and I haven't, I will point out that if I wanted to hang out with a bunch of kids, I would have had them.
  • Eat some dessert. Don't be a spoilsport. Unless of course, you have some sort of medical condition. A diet doesn't count.

Well, these are my rules, and I hope they amused you or gave you some ideas for surviving your own Christmas with relatives!


158 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great list; sadly I'm still of an age where I think attempting to change the political persuasion of my conservative family is a) my duty and b) a productive activity. Give me a few more Christmas's, I'll change my mind.

I *always* get relegated to the kid's table at family events, even though my 16 year old sister doesn't, simply because I don't drink; obviously, since I won't be merry by 11am, I won't possibly be able to appreciate adult conversation. Or maybe it's to avoid a repeat of last year's proceedings, when my uncle asked me how "being one of those f*cking dykes" was working out for me and I walked out. Oh the joys of a large Conservative voting family! (Just so long as the BNP voting fascist cousin stays away, things'll be just fine)

Happy Holidays!

thisgirl

12/24/2004

 
Blogger mythago said...

Or you could, you know, NOT VISIT. Why spend an occasion you might otherwise enjoy with people who call you names or harass you?

12/24/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Because I love them and it's fun. You can't take family shenanigans too seriously. Cutting them off for boneheaded politics or because one of my aunts is a tempermental pouter is way too severe. A rousing board game with my people is worth the trip. As is my grandmother's pie.

12/24/2004

 
Blogger mythago said...

I guess it would depend on the family shenanigans--and whether you get to dish it out as well as just take it. Mutual, acceptable ragging-on is one thing (my husband's family jokes about the annual Family Argument, where everbody sits around the table and debates, I kid you not, evolutionary biology). But if you're expected to put up with being called a fucking dyke, why bother?

12/24/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm envious of people who are spending Christmas with family. The recent snowstorms in the Midwest made us cancel our plans with my in-laws, since we can't safely reach central KY from central IN for another few days. Amanda's right: family is what Christmas is all about. And I say that as a pacifist Green Neo-Pagan treehugger who both comes from, and married into, a family of hawkish Republicans - my family is Catholic, my in-laws are fundies.

Mychelline
mychelline@earthlink.net

12/24/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because sometimes having Idiot Uncle Number Three call you a fucking dyke once a year is better than having eighteen other members of your family leave messages on your answering machine well into June that you are a selfish bitch for turning on your family.
In my family, if I don't call them once every few months, they decide I am avoiding them, and all start harrassing me. A couple of times, this has devolved into outright stalking.
Even if it's not that extreme, maybe Idiot Uncle's presence is not enough to make you want to forgo Charming Cousin Who Comes In From Out Of State Once A Year's presence.
We don't make decisions in a vacuum, and giving people grief over the choices they feel they need to make doesn't make an unpleasant choice any better.
I say this as someone who had to go to her abusive father's funeral, hated every moment of it, and was given "Well, nobody made you" by her housemates.
It didn't help any.

12/24/2004

 
Blogger media girl said...

Given the choice between a table full of conservative chuckleheads and a table of 8-year-old rowdies, I choose the latter because I prefer to dine with mature individuals.

Besides, "personal self-interest" is vulnerable to the accusation that liberals operate on selfishness, not on morals. And assertions that personal responsibility includes not leaving a fiscal, political and environmental mess for the next generation seem to fall on deaf ears -- after all, who cares about them people at the kids' table, anyway?

I prefer debates on whether Pikachu can beat up Wolverine or on the merits of flashing sneakers. Kids know what's important, and are kept from the grown-ups' table because if they really knew what these folks were doing, they'd raise holy hell that would make the I-don't-wanna-take-a-bath tantrum a pleasure by comparison.

Please pass the apple juice.

12/24/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unfortunately they all come here on my mother's orders (I live at home and have nowhere to escape to!). Sometimes it's even kinda amusing, because you can play the "detached-smug-leftie" role until it drives them up the wall. And the kids are the cutest.

thisgirl

12/24/2004

 
Blogger shannon said...

Sometimes you can't exactly escape your family. Occasionally our family randomly descends on our house. There are no big political disagreements(everyone at least thinks Bush is a knucklehead) so the topics are usually about some stupid thing someone is alleged to be doing.

12/24/2004

 
Blogger mythago said...

Anonymous, I'm not trying to "give you grief." But I don't think you're as powerless to escape your abusive family as *they* would like you to believe you are.

12/25/2004

 
Blogger delagar said...

Anonymous, I'm with Mythago. Get rid of the answering machine. Change your phone number. Move to Idaho. Seek therapy. It can be done.

Unless there actually is something in it for you -- some people do like their families -- you can move out and on.

12/25/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, no. Obviously, you're not trying to give me grief, mythago, since you didn't know I existed. I'm aware of that.
It was the statement that I felt I had to answer. The point I was trying to make was that people don't make decisions in a vacuum.
We might as well say to someone "Well, if you don't want to pay your bills, why do it?" or "If you hate doing laundry, why bother?"
In general, people make the choices they make because they have considered the alternatives, and this is the best of them. It doesn't mean it's necessarily fun.
And to say "Well, then, why do it?" seems to imply that we don't believe the other person has thought things through.
The point I was trying to make was that none of us knows why others make the decisions they make, and it seems like we owe them enough respect to assume that they have their reasons, rather than just becoming impatient that they didn't see the obvious alternative.
As far as escaping my family, you really don't know anything about me. I have, actually. On my eighteenth birthday, I moved four hundred miles away, and for the most part, stay here. Since that day, no one has raped or beaten me. I consider that both a successful escape, and winning the war. If I have to call my mother or my grandmother once every two or three months to maintain that, well, maybe I've lost a skirmish, but I'm safe, and I'm happy, and I get to be me, in the city I want to live in, near the people I want to live by.
(And with whom, in fact, I spent Christmas today.)
You asked, why go? I know the question wasn't addressed to me, but I thought I'd offer some possible answers why someone in that situation might, in fact, go.
The bit about my family was more an attempt to explain why I was being so rude as to answer questions that weren't directed at me anyway. It really wasn't a plea for advice. I'm actually a little surprised that's what people picked up on.

12/26/2004

 
Blogger mythago said...

Anonymous, please read my earlier comment *not* as "well, duh, don't go" but as a combination of sympathy and outrage--"Good grid! That's outrageous! There's no reason you should feel obligated to put up with that."

In general, people make the choices they make because they have considered the alternatives, and this is the best of them.NB: this is not a comment on *your* choices specifically. I haven't found that to be the case. In general (again IME), people don't always consider the alternatives. Sometimes they aren't really aware there *are* alternatives, or underestimate the viability of those alternatives. I've had friends from abusive families who had been so conditioned to accept abuse that, when it was suggested they get caller ID and screen psychomom's calls, or simply refuse to visit abusive Dad for Thanksgiving, were shocked and surprised: it *had not* occurred to them that they could make such choices. When you're immersed in a toxic situation all your life, it can be difficult to see that a) this is abnormal and b) you have a choice, as an adult, to walk away from it.

12/26/2004

 
Blogger Amanda said...

For the record, my family is not abusive, but is in fact very sweet and supportive. Giving shit is our way of expressing love. Christmas was great and we managed to avoid talking about politics.

12/26/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My apologies, Mythago.
This has been an ongoing debate between my housemates and I for months now, re-ignited by an invitation to spend Christmas with my family.
I've been finding the attitudes expressed exceptionally annoying, since they seem meant to treat me as an idiot and a child, from people who fully recognize that in all other areas I am a competent, intelligent adult.
And, yeah, the arguments are almost always stated, pretty simply, as some variation of "Well, why go?"
So when I saw people here saying that to others, I guess I misinterpreted the tone and the object of the comments.
That said, I think my point stands. People tend to make the decisions they make because for them the alternatives are worse. I'll admit, and we can use the example of the relatives we all seem to have who vote for Bush, that it's sometimes an irrational assessment of the alternatives. But on the other hand, maybe not.
I try to err on the side of assuming that people have thought things through and don't need me second-guessing them (though I can understand there are cases where the potential for harmful choices is so high that you would want to make sure people know they have other options, even at the risk of insulting them).
So, while Mythago wasn't doing that, and I apologize for assuming you were, and leaping all over you, I think a lot of us *do*, from time to time. I know I do on occasion, and I try to be careful about it.
Maybe it's just something worth considering.

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Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

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Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

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Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

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