Mouse rant blog vent mouse.

Friday, January 07, 2005

If you want to be happy, forgo the hot sex

Well, that's message I get from MSN when they run articles like today's--Six Ways to Tell a Prince from a Player.

By definition, a prince is the nice guy you probably rejected in high school – the keeper – the one interested in marriage and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Actually, the guys who were interested in marriage in high school tended to be the controlling types, if I remember correctly.

The player, on the other hand, is the guy you dated or longed to date in high school. He’s the one who’s suave and sexy, and knows it. He’s the one with all the right moves, none of them putting your interests first.

So there are your choices, ladies. Complete assholes or needy sexual incompetents. No wonder women don't like "nice guys"! At least the asshole is good in bed and gives you your space. But apparently, you're supposed to like the prince. So let's get with figuring him out from the player.

1. A prince calls when he says he will. A player has a long list of excuses as to why he couldn’t call.

Damn, dinged as a nerdy needball for calling when you say you will! Already this is confusing.

2. A prince puts you first. A player puts everything but you first – work, golf, drinking, friends, you name it.

So the trick is this. When he's trying to go to work, beg him to come back to bed. If he won't come, then he's a player. He's probably not at work at all. He's probably fucking someone else.

3. A prince wants to meet your family and friends and wants you to meet his (when he sees the relationship is moving forward). A player may take you out with his friends (or bring his friends along on your date, depending how you view it), even on the first date. Consider this a clear sign that dating you has little to do with building a relationship.

If he wants you to meet his friends, then he is a player. But he's also a prince. Check. The difference is if he sees the relationship moving forward or not. He's the man, so it's his call. You won't know, of course, because it's in his head. Don't ask, because that will make you the graspy female.

4. A prince invests time in you – taking time to find out your favorite song, dessert, etc., a sign of his falling for you. A player puts forth little effort to really get to know you.

If he remembers that you like fried chicken, that means he wants to get married. Start ordering invitations now. I promise that this won't end in tears or heartbreak. He's a prince, remember?

5. A prince is the one who will hand-deliver chicken soup when you’re sick. A player is the one who will be way too busy to see you when you’re sick because it won’t be any fun for him.

If he has his personal assistant drop off the chicken soup, well, you have a problem on your hands. But you do know he's rich, so there's that much more reason to hang in, dropping hints. ("I love fried chicken! Yum yum.")

6. A prince will romance you slowly, bringing you a single flower or bouquet when the time is right, sending a romantic card, or going someplace fancy for dinner to celebrate something special. A player will romance you from soup to nuts right away – dozens of the most expensive bouquets “just because,” going to the most expensive restaurants from the beginning, and other similar extravagances. He’s looking for a quick payoff.

Damn. Back off the fried chicken test. He may just be paying attention to you to get you into bed. Be very suspicious of nice behavior. The most loving guys don't send out courtship signals. Really, I'd be very suspicious if he calls back on time. He may be just trying to get you in bed.

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Blogger zuzu said...

Why do both the prince and the player sound like Smoove B.?

I have a sudden craving for corn.

1/07/2005

 
Blogger FoolishOwl said...

It's as if the authors of these pieces can't fathom the concept of two people treating each other as equals, being honest, and sharing their desires and insecurities with each other. Instead, it's all a question of which one is the slave and which is the master.

Not to mention, the Prince sounds entirely too likely to give you the Yellow Wallpaper treatment.

1/07/2005

 
Blogger Trish said...

I suffered the attention of a prince when I was in college. They aren't the wonderful guys the article says they are. His constant, needy attention drove me up the wall, and he embarrassed me in public with his exhibitionism. Cripe, the guy sang German sailor songs when we walked on the streets!!! He couldn't understand why I didn't want to continue to date him. He couldn't understand that he kept invading my personal and psychic space. He smothered me. All the flowers, singing (gag), bad love poems (gag gag), sappy love cards, displaying his undying love for me in front of perfect strangers, and telling me how wonderful I was wasn't about me - it was about him and his need to be the center of attention. I sure as hell didn't need that.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What gets me is that by definition the guy I wanted to date in high school is that guy I don't want, and the guy I rejected in high school is the guy I do want.

Actually, the guy I really wanted to date in high school was nothing like either of their guys. He was short, Jewish, very bright, Marxist, and introduced me to the writings of the Frankfurt school. And he was neither out to seduce me and leave me nor out to marry me.

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44. Domain Hosting Registries - Great site to get a good discount for your online store.
45. Netsuitestore - Among the greatest stores onlne.
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47. Nutritional Supplements - Vitamin power nutritional supplements.
48. Native Remedies - The ultimate source of energy and native remedies in the world.
49. Herbal Supplements - Natural is the best.
50. Anti Aging - For the young at heart.
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52. Don't forget to bookmark these useful Google pages:
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