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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

The obsession gets deeper and weirder

Jennifer in the comments of an earlier post has introduced me to my new personal nightmare--a woman named Wendy Walsh who has written some pretty horrendous stuff available right there on her website. Be careful. I nearly gave myself a concussion reading this stuff because I was banging my head against the wall. Luckily, Max came over to my feet and meowed pathetically and I remembered that I had a reason to live--who else will give him his daily kitty treats?

"Why You Shouldn't Have Sex" is one of the injuring-inducing articles. It's the hip, new way of treating yourself like you're nothing more than a conduit for a pussy and you'd better therefore dole out use of it like it's precious gold to get any kind of leverage at all.

At this point, you may be asking yourself why a forward-thinking woman like Wendy Walsh would write a column telling women NOT to enjoy the fruits of their bodies. After all, isn’t that why we spend so much time on a stairmaster?

I wouldn't call that "enjoying the fruits of my body". But if this article means less time on the stairmaster, I'm all ears.

Of course, physical attractiveness is one of the biggest motivations to exercise, and being physically attractive means you can gain access to many more kinds of delicious men.

But here are four important questions to ponder, my thinking woman friend: Is more necessarily better?

In terms of stairmaster time, I would think not. It cuts into sex time, for one thing.

Is a man who is delicious on the outside always so delectable on the inside?

We've all known the good-looking man who is bad in bed. But the logical solution can't be to avoid going to bed with men to find out, can it?

Is it possible to get so hung up on physical attraction that a girl could lose sight of what constitutes a good Boyfriend?

Beats me. But it's pretty difficult, once you're in the sack, to mix up "cute" with "good in bed".

And finally, as women who are evolving spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually, do we have a responsibility to protect men from themselves?

If this is about faking orgasms, I'm outta here. Though I guess that is a good reason not to have sex, at least with a guy who is bad in bed and is too delicate to take advice.

To these vague questions, the answers are No, No, Yes, and Sometimes. Meaning more is not better on the stairmaster, good-looking men can't be good in bed, women can't tell the difference between "tall" and "two-minute man", and sometimes you have to fake orgasms. I think.

The bottom line: You too, can have great no-strings-attached sex. But SHOULD you? My simple answer is, not always. We are wired like men, but being liberated isn’t about acting just like men. It’s about being something higher.

Setting aside the question of why withholding sex is a "higher" thing to do, if men and women are the same, then why is all the responsibility for "elevating" things on the shoulders of women?

Is more always better?
While I believe that a healthy dose of sexual experience is a great thing to cart into your next relationship, too much sex with too many partners doesn’t make you any better at it, especially if your problem isn’t sex, but intimacy. Intimacy is that strange and wonderful catch-word that describes emotional closeness, the ability to be honest, open, and vulnerable with another person. Too much unconscious sex only makes intimacy harder to achieve.


Sounds like you should beat yourself up every time you don't feel like you've met Jesus during a one-night stand.

Why should intimacy always be the goal with every sexual encounter? Why should you believe that sex for its own sake will cause you to lose your ability to be honest, etc. with a person?

Trust me.

Damn, I should write an advice book. I thought credentials or something were required, but I was wrong.

Question Number Two:
Is a man who is delicious on the outside always so delectable on the inside?... Was that yummy action between the sheets really worth the let down that you felt when you f ound out the guy was actually, married, a convict, a recluse, a gambler, a drug addict, a compulsive liar, a defendant in a paternity suit, a domestic abuser or a serial killer?


I imagine if he were a serial killer, you might be reading this, but anyway. This is quite the conundrum. You aren't supposed to have mulitple partners, but if you dump your serial killer boyfriend that means that you are probably going to have multiple partners. What to do?

So, my advice? Don’t have sex.

True. Avoiding sex would keep you from sleeping with a man who disappoints you. And avoiding dating would keep you from dating a man who disappoints you. And avoiding men altogether would keep you from even meeting men who could possibly disappoint you.

Do your guerrilla research and determine if this guy really deserves your Goddess-like sexual favors.

But if you give him the basic human sexual favors, that's not a problem. And if he gives you a sexual favor....well, women don't really like that sort of thing, do they?

Is it possible to get so hung up on physical attraction that a girl could lose sight of what constitutes a good Boyfriend?
Men’s brains are becoming very sexy to me since surviving a string of hard bodies who were hard to live with. So, my advice when dealing with a major hunk of a date. Don’t sleep with him!

Remember, if you are sexually attracted to a man, then you can't love him. It's sex or love. You can't have both. And while love is nice and all, it's not what helps you get to sleep at night, is it?

Oh wait. I don't think that was the lesson here. I am getting off track.

As women who are evolving spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually, do we have a responsibility to protect men from themselves?
Men are victims of this patriarchal culture too. Believe it or not, many men feel pressured to put out. They feel it’s their duty to perform for every sexually liberated woman who will have them --- even if they don’t really want to have sex.


Goody! Who doesn't want to keep going out with a man who doesn't want to have sex with you? Where can I sign up?

The best advice, then, is to date men exclusively who are in ex-gay support groups. They are notoriously open to the suggestion that sex with a woman isn't what they really want out of their relationships with women.

So there you have it, folks! The best way to get to know someone really well is to go on date after date without sex so that your mind is completely sharpened by sexual frustration, the great mental clarifier.

119 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Sure they recognize performance anxiety, but few really know when to say No to sex. It’s your job to do it for them."

Boys just can't control themselves, girls...it's your job to put on the brakes...

12/08/2004

 
Blogger gone_1 said...

First, a pox on you for putting up that link. My head hurts now.

Second, I never take advice from someone who refers to themselves in third person or uses "yummy action" in ANY sentence.

12/08/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From what I recall of reading Girlfriend Test, really, the whole "don't boink men" thing was the old "if you sleep with a man early on, he won't marry you" chestnut.
The entire book was about how to catch a husband by letting him pay for the date or else he feels rejected, letting him pick what you do on the date or else he feels rejected (note: both of these are mentioned later in the book as things that lead rapists to rape women. WW acknowledged the problem, but had no suggestions whatsoever), not being too independent to need his help with fixing your car or else he feels not needed, etc., etc.

It's especially ironic that she wrote this whole book that is essentially about snagging a husband when she is not married to (but living with) her babydaddy. How well does she take her own advice? Not very.

-Jennifer, again

12/08/2004

 
Blogger La Lubu said...

Thank you. Your takedown of this twit was hilarious!! And I dig the new math; less time on the stairmaster=more time for sex!

12/08/2004

 
Blogger Anne said...

You know, all this chiding about unmarried people and sex just makes me want to have sex with my boyfriend EVEN MORE. Although it doesn't really take much. But still.

12/08/2004

 
Blogger Phila said...

That article made me dizzy. But as far as I can tell, Walsh's concept is that if men are fucked up in some way, the solution is for women to unilaterally limit their own options further. SOunds like the worst of all possible worlds to me.

What lousy writing, too.

12/08/2004

 
Blogger Elizabeth said...

"Too much unconscious sex only makes intimacy harder to achieve."

I imagine it is harder to get to know someone as a person if you're not awake.

12/08/2004

 
Blogger Hugo said...

Well, of course, Wendy is right.

The thing about us (men) is that we are fundamentally weak and irresponsible creatures. God's plan was to create women to love and nurture us, clean up after us, and use sexual withholding in order to tame us. In the golden past (which ended around 1960 or so), this worked.

Women's sexual availability has made women immensely unhappy and has led to men becoming nasty, brutish, and interested only in short-term flings. It has led to the thinning of the ozone layer. It has led to reality television. It contributed directly to the outbreak of the Ebola virus.

For all our sakes, dear ladies, keep your legs together.

12/08/2004

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

first of all, i heart your website so very much.

next, OH MY GOD, is this woman for real? this article made me throw up in my mouth more than a little bit.

she's right, you know, Before Icky Feminism, all women were perfectly happy in their love lives and marriages and didn't have to worry their pretty heads about anything but crying and kissing boo-boos.

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Blogger mythago said...

Darn it, Elizabeth beat me to it.

I assume Miss Walsh has slept around enough that this trustworthy info is from her own experience?

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

The first time a man accused me of playing him, I felt it was a badge of honor. I had attained full equity with the boys club. Now I’m embarrassed that I ever thought those club rules were valuable.She says "first time" like there was more than one. Not likely. For one thing, guys don't usually say you're "playing" them. At least, not the guys I've known. More colorful words are the norm, if they even bother to discuss it. Perhaps WW did have a sensitive, decent (and one would assume hot) guy and she totally blew it. That would explain her line of reasoning. Now she wants to make sure we don't have a shot at him.

As for whether or not hot guys can be good in bed....nah, there's no point in going there. I let those horses out of the stable a long time ago. Good luck to anyone who wants to wrangle them. It's hard work, but then again, isn't that the point?

Reba

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Blogger Ross A Lincoln said...

Actually Amanda, you should write an advice book. Just a thought...

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Blogger Amanda said...

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*laughs hysterically at Hugo's post*

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