Inaugural day questionaire

Via News 8 Austin, to test how much you wuuuuv the Liar-in-Chief. I'm not sure if my answers are funnier than the actual ones, but I'll try.

1. What is Bush's nickname?

The Shrub. The Smirking Chimp. Actual answer:

1. Bush's nickname is Bushie, the same nickname he has given his wife.

*shudder*

2. What does the W. stand for?

Wimp. And also War-mongerer.

3. What kind of vehicle does Bush drive on his ranch in Crawford, Texas?

To show his solidarity with the soliders in Iraq, he drives a gas-guzzler so that they will not have died in vain.

4. If you hooked up headphones to Bush's iPod, what music would you hear?

The Imperial Death March. And the Village People.

5. What trait does Bush hate?

Toss-up between honesty and compassion for the poor.

6. What has Bush banned from the Oval Office?

Nay-sayers. People who have the nerve to speak truth to him.

11. What was Bush's favorite movie of 2004? Top flick in 2000?
11. His favorite movie was “Friday Night Lights,'' a look at high school football in Texas. In 2000, Bush's top pick was “Saving Private Ryan,'' Steven Spielberg's World War II epic.

Watching movies about football players and war heroes is an acceptable substitute for being a football player or a war hero.

12. If stranded on a desert island, what would be his must-haves?

Karen Hughes, or he wouldn't know to rub two sticks together to make a fire. Also, some brush to clear. And whatever makes that lump in his jacket.

14. What was his first job?

Real job? Probably Governor of Texas, though that's debateable as a "real" job. They make some shit up about him being a runner at a law firm. Jobs you have because your dad is paying off the boss don't count.

15. What's his favorite junk food?

Pretzels. Yes, I know, but his memory is shot to hell.

19. George and Laura Bush were the same age when they got married. How old were they?

Are they not the same age now? Huh. Anyway, they were apparently 31, which is really old to be virgins, as we all know our Christian President and his virtuous wife surely were on their wedding day.

20. What is Bush's favorite participatory sport now that a bad knee has limited his running?

Falling on his face, apparently.

21. Seated in the family quarters to watch a game on television, what sport does the president prefer?

Watching political pundits scramble to excuse his latest atrocity would be my guess.

22. Hours before the second presidential debate in St. Louis last October, Bush went fishing to relax. What is the biggest fish the president has caught?

Watch this answer be the only truth he's spoken since he got into politics. Nah, that's asking too much.

23. A healthy 58-year-old, what is Bush's resting heart rate?

Beats me. We can't get close enough to that device he wears to read it.

24. What does the president consider one of his hidden talents?

Seeing the face of Jesus in imaginary weapons of mass destruction.