You too can be just like Carrie Bradshaw

Don't know why you'd want to be the most annoying, neurotic, self-obsessed of the four characters on "Sex and the City", but MSN thinks that is some new kind of feminine ideal to aim for. Apparently, to idolize Carrie, it helps if you've never watched the show. Or at least I'm guessing from this article.

With her fabulous living space, fetishtic fashions, fantastic lovers and an even more fantastic job as a columnist, no one seems to radiate "cool" more than the stylish Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City.

Well, Carrie seemed to make about a half mil a year for writing one measly column a week where she just stole her ideas from her friends, so yeah, I'd like her life. Except for the fact that she was totally...not....cool. I mean, the tutu she wears in the credits is the sort of thing that de-cools you for life, unless you wore it before age 12. Or if you're really a ballerina, and even then you're pushing it.

For example, Gloria, who resides in the Midwest, says you do not have to live in New York to have a cosmopolitan influence to your life. "It is all about making yourself feel that you're not part of the pack, but have diverse and sophisticated tastes," she says. "You can do that in a small town."

You know, I live in a medium sized city and I see my friends less than Carrie did, so I'm guessing that it's probably easier to live her life in a small town. Right down to knowing the one town slut and having the friend who is obsessed with having the perfect wedding.

Well, anyway, if you want to be as "cool" as Carrie, and "cool" seems to be defined as a sex appeal thing, which I guess it is in a way, despite it being oh so much more and really, who wants to be "cool" if that means that you are an annoying neurotic who sleeps with guys for silly reasons...fuck it, here's the tips.

*For example, are you open to new love, strange love or different love? "I've always admired those people who took a chance, or even a big risk, on a relationship that might frighten most people," says Rachel, a magazine editor. "I've always thought those were the coolest people, just like Carrie Bradshaw."

I tried to figure out how the hell one is supposed to learn anything except, "Don't date every Tom, Dick and Harry, because it's a massive waste of time," off Carrie's escapades on the show. And then I realized that this tip is just another way of exhorting the female audience to lower our standards or we'll never find a man. It's the hip new way of settling for fear of being a spinster.

*Are you fashionable but are you also frugal, asks Alicia, a graduate student?

Streeeetching the definiton of frugal just a little there when discussing the Manolas and the Prada that Carrie wore on the show, leading us to wonder if she was a high-priced hooker on top of her high-paying writing gig. Maybe by frugal they mean that you should skip eating in order to afford high-priced fashion. After a couple months of starving and tottering around on stillettos, you may make it as a fashion model and finally have the money to afford some of those clothes.

"But I always thought it was great when you could stand out in the crowd, like Carrie does on the show."

This, she says, can be done by choosing a wardrobe from a vintage clothing store as well as a Fifth Avenue shop. "In fact, there is something that is so individual about finding clothes that say you are eclectic, but far from expensive," she says.

Ah yes, the advice to go to vintage stores so that you can have "individual" looking clothes. This makes the hair on the back of my snotty little neck go up. You can't just plunk someone who's been shopping at Banana Republic all her life down in the middle of a vintage shop or, for hard core thrift shoppers, an actual thrift store and expect her to just toss together something that looks almost like Armani. Hell, you can't expect that of your typical vintage shoppers, who tend to have a definition of "original" that might be a little bit outside of the TV character "originality" standards.

*Does your living space feel like no other place?

Nope, looks like every other dumpster in town.

"It's not as much about having an apartment in the hippest part of town as it is making the place feel distinctive and unmatched," says Leona, a teacher. "I think some of the coolest living space has been in the funkiest buildings in the most diverse neighborhoods."

Yep, if you're a fan of the Pottery Barn but want to be "cool" to attract more guys, you are definitely going to get on super-well with the ones that love your pad after you make it look Bohemian. There are few times when you feel cooler than when you're trying to explain to your "musician" boyfriend that you dated to demonstrate that you don't do the same old thing over and over why he can't move in without getting a job first.

I kid, I kid. This isn't necessarily what happens when you date musicians. Like, only half the time does this happen.

*Are you smart and worldly, asks Jeff, who works at a television station? "I think the coolest thing about women such as Carrie is her ability to communicate and interpret," he says. "Being smart makes a woman interesting and attractive, but knowing how to find information — and, more importantly, how to use it — is just plain sexy to me."

Any guy's definition of "worldly" and "smart" is a girl who can look shit up on Google is neither.

*Can you move on with your life, asks Lisa, a graphic artist? "I think the cool thing about the Carrie Bradshaw character is how she had evolved on the show — whether it was with a new relationship or it was a career shift," she says.

More evidence they never watched the show. I cannot for the life of me figure out how mooning over the same guy for 5 years is "moving on". And she never had a career shift, and I don't blame her. If I could gossip about my friends once a week and make enough to keep me in Prada, I'd cling to that job as if my life depended on it.

However, she did change her style like once a month, and if that's what they mean by "moving on", I wouldn't be surprised.