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Friday, July 16, 2004

Partners

Your partner is the person you cohabitate with.  It's the person you sleep with, own/rent a house with, raise kids or maybe just pets with, share your life with.  That person is your almost-spouse and is socially accepted as your spouse-equivalent.  Anytime one would invite someone's spouse, one would invite his/her partner.  When a cohabitating couple stays as overnight guests, all but uptight hosts allow them to share a room.
The only people I hear use the word "partner" on a regular basis are gay or lesbian.  Initially, I think the usage was born out of a desire not to unsettle the still homophobic by drawing attention to the sex of your partner.  But mostly it got traction because it was a way to mark that it was a committed relationship, to confer more dignity than the words "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" have. 
Straight people have partners, too, of course.  But since marriage is always a possibility, society was somewhat slow in conferring legitimacy on unmarried straight couples who live together.  Lately, those of us in such relationships are gaining rights without having to accept the status of common law marriage.  In no small part, it's because cohabitation is on the rise and couples have agitated for those rights and social acceptance.  But most of the credit probably should go to those who agitated for gay rights.
Gays and lesbians can't marry, so an alternative social and legal structure has built a piecemeal and highly variable set of rights and social recognitions that go under the term "partner".  Depending on where you live and where you work, partners can put each other on their insurance, can borrow money together, buy houses together, adopt children together, make each other beneficiaries on life insurance, and all sorts of other rights, large and small.  Socially, of course, a partner is recognized as a spouse. 
And whenever a right opens up for gay partners, it usually opens up for straight partners.  (Except, of course, for the ones that they already had due to heterosexual bias.)  I still refer to my boyfriend as my boyfriend, but on all legal documents, he's my partner.  It does cause one to wonder if the conservatives who are against gay marriage realize that everything they've done to squash gay marriage has created more need for alternatives to marriage rights and therefore has made it easier for straight couples to refrain from marrying. 
So, I watch this struggle for gay marriage with some self-interest.  When gay marriage becomes legal, will that result in the downscaling of rights for unmarried partners?  I sincerely doubt it.  That can of worms has been opened and far too many people are invested in this particular alternative to marriage for those rights to just be snatched away.  But I'm sure that once gay marriage is widely legal, the pressure to marry on both straight and gay couples will increase.  One way or another, it'll be interesting to see what happens.

104 Comments:

Blogger Earnest said...

I have wondered about the history of "partnership" for a while. My girlfriend and I live in couples' housing at Columbia and are able to do so on the basis of our being partners. She attributes it to the "pioneering efforts of the LGBT community." To me, though, the proof of partnership is basically the same as evidence of commonlaw marriage, in which I think domestic partnership may find its roots. If you've cosigned a loan or something to that effect with your partner (of the opposite sex) you are, in commonlaw, married.

I don't deny though that the efforts of the LGBT community have expanded the rights for those who cohabitate. In fact, on my site, I recently had a link to an AM-NY article that showed that while New York's domestic partnership laws were created for the gay community, more than two-thirds of the "partnerships" created have been heterosexual. Interestingly, the majority of those were created for the same reason Claire and I are registered with Columbia as domestic partners: for housing.

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Blogger Amanda said...

I really do think it's a combination of increased heterosexual cohabitation and homosexual cohabitation. But, since gays cannot marry nor can they be common-law married. And in the states that do have common-law marriage, you still have to present yourself as married. It's not enough to live together or even sign a mortgage together. Really, it's easier to just get married if you want to be married than try to establish a common-law marriage. Common-law marriage is not "marriage lite"--it's a real marriage and if you break up, you have to get a real divorce.
I think that gays and lesbians do have alot to do with the establishment of the social custom of regarding people who are not married but living together getting afforded a sort of "marriage lite" status. Straight couples who live together don't have the motivation to agitate for partnership rights that gay couples have, and so if it wasn't for the hard work that gay activists have put in, straight couples probably wouldn't have alot of those rights.
But yeah, it's a gray area, because increasing acceptance of homosexuality and increasing acceptance of non-traditional but still heterosexual arrangements have coincided.

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