Do I intimidate women?
I’m very successful in my career and earn a high salary. Since I’m 43 and never married, I have been able to buy many luxuries for myself unlike many of my colleagues who are married with children. I have a beautiful loft in a posh downtown neighborhood, wear a leather coat in the winter, vacation at spas and top resorts around the world, and my business card says “President.”
However, despite all this, I am usually quite lonely and would love to meet the right woman. When I go on dates, I rarely get a second, and my friends have told me that it’s because I intimidate women. I have dated a range of women from CEOs to plumbers to police men but have not found someone secure enough to pursue me. How can I find a woman who is comfortable with what I’ve achieved?
Obviously, this man above doesn't understand the standard procedure at this point in his life, which is to dig up a younger, plasticized trophy wife.
Just kidding! This is the MSN article of the day, and it's asked by a woman. I just reversed the sexes and changed a few details (fur to leather coat, for instance) to highlight the absurdity of the situation this woman is in. But my suggestion to her doesn't change. Do what rich men do and buy your spouse! Put up some aspiring actor or model, or if you must, artist in your house and spoil the boy. Sure, it won't make for scintillating conversation, but your friends will turn green with envy.
Sadly, the columnist doesn't agree with me. She takes a couple of stabs at the woman for not having a way to convince men to like her even though she makes money, and then gets into the meat of her advice.
Secondly, you may very well intimidate men with your achievements, and this is a common problem. Here are some suggestions:
*Try to ease men into seeing the “strong” you, the “career” you.
Say that you have a high paying job slowly.
Play down your wardrobe at first (nothing says “I am a Princess” like a fur coat!”).
Cruise by your local Frederick's of Hollywood and pick up something cheap and skanky to wear. That always impresses men.
Don’t “dress for success” on the first date with power suits, expensive jewelry, or flashy clothing and accessories that reinforce your monetary status.
This is the same damn advice as the last. She couldn't find three ways to appear less rich than you are? This woman needs to call Karl Rove.
The rest of the advice continues in this vein, actually. The columnist seems to think that it's a shame that we can't go back in time and get this girl into beauty school instead of into a high-paying career, so the next best thing is plain old deception.
If you live in a more expensive home than he does, don’t invite him over until your relationship is more secure. Don’t let your conversation focus heavily on your accomplishments at work. Rather, focus on mutual interests such as family, films, books or pets (not items that signify success, such as expensive vacations).
Rent another apartment with all that fat cash that's in a poorer part of town. Bring him there and talk pitifully on hard it is to pay for plumbing repairs.
And about your job title? Consider downplaying it on the first few dates. If you are president of a real estate company, you can simply tell him that you “sell real estate.” Eventually, if you establish strong feelings for each other, your success should not deter him, and you can say or wear whatever you want. But in the beginning, you just want him to get beyond any monetary or job title barriers that may prevent him from knowing you for what really matters (i.e., what’s on the inside).
I saw that episode of "Sex and the City" where Miranda told him she was a stewardess! That worked out well, didn't it? Try some other fetishized career--tell him you're a waitress or a struggling actress. Of course, technically that has nothing to do with what's on the inside, so try to feel like you're a struggling actress on the inside. Practice puppy dog eyes until you get it right.
I applaud you for dating a variety of men from different career levels and hope these suggestions will help you make a more positive first impression.
Just make sure that you remember that very rich men are more impressed with struggling actresses than more working class men. They might find that kind of frivolous career stupid and not sexy.
Remember that the goal on a first date is to simply get him to call back for a second date (if you like him) so that he can get to know you better.
Even if your date is a preening jerk, you have to keep trying to get him to marry you. What other choice do you have?
By the way, by "he can get to know you better", she means, "he can get to know a fantasy you've concocted for him to lust after better".
The columnist today is Rachel Greenwald, who tricked her husband into marrying her by waiting until after the wedding to tell him that she wasn't a waitress but actually had an MBA. It wasn't a lie, though--she had waited tables over a summer in high school. Luckily, her MBA-style negotiating skills convinced him not to file for divorce until after she had sold a gazillion books, making his divorce settlement much, much higher.