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Sunday, November 14, 2004

Survival tips from a red state liberal

I liked this article, but I think I can build on her ideas. Why? Because I'm a Texan and Texas liberals like me have been devising ways to avoid going batshit crazy for a long, long time now. So, here's how my friends and I avoid going crazy in the most famous of Red States.

1) Be batshit crazy to begin with. Okay, this is cheating but absolutely necessary. The whole "Keep Austin Weird" thing is a political movement. When people get in your face about your liberal politics, shrug it off as an eccentricity, like having a fetish for Chuck Taylors or being a Ween fan.

2) Drink. Well, duh. This is the oldest and grandest tradition of Texas liberalism. Wine and hard liquor are out of the question. Bonding with your fellow liberals is easier to do over beers. Also, it's hard to call someone a cheese-eating, wine-sniffing elitist who has a beer in one hand and a tortilla chip loaded with queso in the other. And since everyone is fixing to enjoy the economic prosperity that has characterized the South for so very long, you may need to learn to enjoy cheap beer. There are two favored ways to drink cheaply.

--Mexican beer. There are many okay-priced ones like Corona, but your best bet is Tecate, which can be enjoyed with actual limes and salt but is even better with packets of Twang. If you wish to up your eccentricity quotient, an easy method is to adopt the habit of pouring the Twang directly into your mouth before drinking the beer instead of pouring it into your beer.

--Cheap Texas beers. Texas is world famous for its cheap beers, or at least should be. You have Pabst and Pearl, of course, but the hands down best is Lone Star. Of course, if you're in the Austin area and you have a taste for something that isn't pure piss, Shiner Bock is pretty inexpensive most everywhere you'll go. But that's cheating. If none of these beers is available locally, I'm sorry. Investigate what your local not-bad cheap piss beers are.

3) Give the holy rollers hell. This can be a lot of fun. Throw eggs at anti-abortion protesters. Call up the "crisis pregnancy" clinics, tell them you're a 15 year old crack addict who is pregnant and waste their time trying to talk you out of an abortion. Wear a T-shirt decorated with a "666". There's a good reason that Texas rock and roll types love to decorate any and everything in hellfire--it makes the fundies sweat. Go out on Saturday night and crack jokes about how you're never gonna make it to church in the morning. Make fun of them in music.

4) Start watching Formula 1. And for bonus points, watch MotoGP as well. You don't just vote like the rest of the world does, but you can enjoy some of their favorite sports as well, instead of huddling close to home and watching the vastly inferior NASCAR. A bunch of my friends are huge racing fans, so we get together to watch the races on TIVO many a Sunday. It's a great time to work out the urge to eat stinky cheese, wear classy Ferrari-red clothes, and drink wine. It's like blowing off shitty American football to follow soccer, but more money.

5) Don't relinquish the good symbols. Try as they may, the conservatives of Texas cannot lay claim to the cowboy hat in the name of Bush. This is in no small part because the goofy Texas left has a grand tradition of taking pictures of ourselves partying or doing other fucked up things in cowboy hats. For instance, I have a picture right here of me flashing Dio-style devils horns while wearing my cowboy hat that was taken just last weekend. We also lay claim to equal rights to cowboy boots and pick-up trucks as our right-wing brethern. They can have back pocket-less Rocky Mountains, though. If we can hang onto these things despite the endless attempts by the Karl Roves of the world to lay claim to them for their candidates, then surely Mom and apple pie will be simple to hang onto.

97 Comments:

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Therapeutic Massage : You might be thinking what does getting a massage do for my health other than to make me feel good.

Eliminate Stress : Stress is a key contributor to poor health.

Young at Heart : Regardless of your age, if you start acting too old, you will actually not benefit yourself at all.

Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

Be Careful with the Sun : Everyone loves basking in the warm sun, especially if it is lying on a beautiful sandy beach.

Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

Check your Pulse : As you exercise, it is to your advantage to keep track of your pulse rate.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neurolinguistic Programming

In the early 1970s in America Richard Bandler, then a young college student studied the work of Fritz Perls and later Virginia Satir and found that he could reproduce their high-level therapy skills to a degree that even surprised him. Bandler seemed to have a natural ability to mimic (model) the language patterns by Virginia and Fritz.

At the University of California at Santa Cruz, Bandler who was well versed in the teachings of patterns in mathematics and computers teamed up with a college professor, John Grinder to help him understand the processes that were at work. Soon Bandler and Grinder, who used what he knew about patterns in linguistics, created a new model for personal growth called NeuroLinguistic Programming.

Bandler and Grinder had set out to model the hypnotic skills of Milton Erickson. They had astounding results. They built a communication model about human "thinking" and "processing" and used that model of how we see images, hear sounds, reproduces smells and tactile experiences in our mind to track and model the structure of subjective experiences.

Sounds very complicated but really it works very simply. Here is an example as used by Paul McKenna - probably the best & most successful hypnotist in the world.

Close your eyes and think of a negative memory. Become involved in the situation as best as you can. Feel the emotions that you felt, see the things you saw and hear the things you heard.

Now take that memory and project it onto a mental screen seeing yourself in the picture. Put a frame around the picture and view it as if it is an old photograph. Next drain all the colour from the picture and shrink the screen to the size of a matchbox.

Have the feelings associated with the picture decreased in any way?

Another good example of NLP involves Anchors. Have you ever smelt a certain perfume or aftershave and had it remind you of a certain person or situation? Gone to a certain place that brings feelings long forgotten flooding back? Or been in any situation that creates emotional responses that would not normally be associated with it? Well if you can answer yes to any of these then you have experienced anchors. Some anchors are associated with positive feelings and some with negative emotions. However, you should be aware that anchors can be consciously installed or already existing ones altered. Here is an example:

Think of a time when you were really happy. If you can't think of one then imagine something that would make you feel really happy. See what you would see, hear what you would hear and feel what you would feel. Really get into the picture and try to experience it as though it were happening now.

Now brighten the colours and make them richer. Increase the volume. Make the picture bigger, brighter, louder. That's it and more and more....

Now press your first finger against your thumb and fully experience your happy feelings. Do this everyday for 2 weeks and you will create an anchor that will instantly recreate these feelings. Whenever you want to feel like that again just press your thumb and first finger together and wham the feelings will come flooding back! Don't believe me? Just try it and see!!! hypnosis

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

.





Hi matey

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