Longer! Harder! Thicker!

Flipping on the radio yesterday, I heard someone say that he was gay and that he was resigning from the governorship and he apologized to his wife. And even though said person didn't have a Texas accent, I still thought it had to be Rick Perry. It made my day for about 5 minutes. And then I heard that it was Governor Jim McGreevey from New Jersey.

I should have known it had to be a victim of the wingnut scandal machine that goes into action every time a Democrat takes office. If the the left had half as good a scandal machine, there would be pictures of some high-ranking Republican with a cock in his mouth floating around. But most of us are still under the impression that what goes on in the bedroom isn't anyone's business.

Yesterday was a good day for the wingnut homophobes to gloat. They got a chance to ruin the life of a gay man and they were delivered a court decision repealing all the weddings in San Francisco, as if that meant something. The mass of weddings was a protest event and I hope no one was pinning their hopes on it. In a sense, it was effective because it provided the very thing that will start melting hard hearts--a stream of pictures of happy couples who just want what everyone wants. The mean-spirited gloating that I heard go on when the marriages were dissolved was upsetting. I hope that more of the undecided people realize that the heart of the anti-gay marriage side is shriveled and made of coal and they want nothing to do with it.

Listening to the radio, I also got the distinct pleasure of hearing Dick Cheney mock John Kerry for being "sensitive" in the same tone of voice I'm sure he uses with Lynne if she ever suggests that a good husband would try to bring her to orgasm when they have sex. Women's orgasms are just the sort of limp-wristed, sensitive crap that is bringing this country to its knees, you see.

And then I got to hear a darling story from my sister, who is buried deep in the swamps of mosquitos and ignorance of East Texas. In one of her college poli-sci courses, a discussion about gay rights got ugly right around when it usually does, when the Bible gets whipped out. I won't go over all the hysterical homophobic things her classmates said, as I'm sure that anyone reading this wants to keep digesting their breakfast instead of retching it all over their shoes. But there was one head-spinner that is too good not to repeat. One guy, who is apparently the Ol' Reliable of Ignorance, explained to the class that homosexuality is the natural result of a society that tolerates single motherhood. You read that correctly. You see, when boys are brought up without fathers, of course they will be attracted to buggery. Or something like that. The kid clearly belongs to the ugliest members of the homophobe army, the battalion of "straight" men who are so obsessed with gay men that they forget that lesbians even exist.

So, yesterday I got to spend the entire day thinking about how pathetic it is that so much of our politics in America are centered around whiny straight men who are insecure in their masculinity and need our entire culture and all of our institutions to be geared towards making them feel better about themselves. I should have realized this sooner, considering the number of emails I have to delete in a day that say things like, "Amanda! Make it longer, harder, thicker!" For obvious reasons, I have no use for these products. But I have heard that they don't work. I wish someone would come up with a pill that does work, though, so that our collective culture can just get over it already.