Poaching

MSN must have felt bad for not publishing any headlines to attract me into the snare and decided to make up for it by publishing an article about one of my pet peeves--the stereotype that single women cannot be trusted and are always trying to steal men away from other women. Of course, the article doesn't phrase it quite like that. No, this article is addressed to single women and advises on whether or not to poach.

Right off the bat in this article addressed to women and women only, we learn something interesting from the survey they reference.

According to ISDP lead researcher David P. Schmitt, PhD, a psychology professor at Bradley University, approximately 60 percent of U.S. men and 40 percent of women admit they've tried to lure someone else's squeeze into a short-term fling. "When you look at the long term, the numbers become much more similar," adds Schmitt: 63 percent of men and 52 percent of women cop to trying to purloin a partner for a long-term relationship.

Yep, more men than women have tried to poach. So, why is this article addressed to women? They don't say, I guess figuring Mouse Words would pick up the slack and fill in that answer for them. So, here it is: When a man cheats, the woman is the Other Woman. When a woman cheats, she is a Lying, Cheating Bitch. Since men have less to lose, there is no reason to caution them against poaching or being poached. Hey, they're just trying to help at MSN.

Is it ever okay to steal another woman's man? (Presumably, men will go after any pussy offered no matter who is doing the offering much like a dog will follow a slab of bacon no matter who offers. Men should be insulted, as I usually point out.) Yes, it's okay if you are a prophet and know that it will lead to the holy grail of the long term relationship. They provide a link in case you don't get their meaning. You, single woman, should leave no stone unturned when it comes to scoring a husband.

Well, let's skip all the navel-gazing about the deep psychological issues that women who poach have (doubtful that any article about men who poach, if it were written, would have a "case" suggesting that watching his mother cheat caused him to look for women who cheat) and get right onto the reasons Not to Poach.

Poachers aren't a great bet. Relationships that are a result of poaching don't have a great long-term prognosis.

They avoid saying what us castrating lesbian feminists tell our friends who are considering pursuing a married man--once a cheater, always a cheater. That is crossing some sort of line into the forbidden territory of holding men responsible for their behavior. Instead, we get this weird euphemistic language.

Your relationship may never seem "perfect."

Since they usually are. What? Yours isn't? Probably something wrong with you. Better keep an eye out, as there's probably a single woman lurking around ready to poach your man.

Relationship hopping may not offer instant happiness. If your current relationship seems unsalvageable, simply trading in for the new one idling outside is likely not the answer.

I'm a little confused at this point. The article was supposed to be about man-stealing, but this advice seems more about not being the 2nd evil woman, the cheating whore. I suppose it's decent enough advice not to jump from one guy to another, but I'm still confused.

Feeling unsettled? Look inside first. Overall, when you're not happy, in a relationship, it's most important to evaluate not your partner, but yourself.

See, I told you it was your fault that you're not happy with your husband Dilbert. Don't even entertain the man-hating feminist fault that unhappiness with a relationship ever has anything to do with the man you're with. What this has to do with poaching, I have no idea.

A little self control goes a long way. If you don't go for this person now, you probably won't "miss the chance of a lifetime." Remember: patience is all the virtue that poaching is not. "He told me he'd be with me if it weren't for his girlfriend," says Rachel, 31, of Nick, a guy her age and also from D.C. Despite their attraction, the two survived some intense situations -- even driving cross-country to grad school together -- without incident. When his relationship finally ended and the two started dating, Rachel says, "I had this wonderful feeling that if he wasn't poachable when he was with her, then he wouldn't be poachable when he was with me. After all, I knew from experience."

The moral of the story is if you just wait while he sows his wild oats, he will eventually marry you so hang in. Take out that virginity pledge you took in high school and polish it once in awhile if you get bored while waiting.