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Saturday, February 12, 2005

Historical understanding

This post by Echidne really brought a smile to my face. She quotes a woman named Anna Maria van Schurman who had a revelation not unfamiliar to many of us who remember our adolescence and the time after fondly.

But they are apt to argue that pulling the needle and distaff is an ample enough school for women. I confess many have been thus persuaded, and those of today who are maliciously inclined agree with them in many cases.

But we who seek the voice of reason, not of received custom, do not accept this rule of Lesbos. By what law, I ask, have these things become our lot? Divine or human? They will never demonstrate that these limits by which we are forced into an order are ordained by fate or prescribed from heaven.

I had a similiar revelation when I was very young. I love reading stuff like this because it's so easy to relate to, really demonstrates the way that we truly connect to other people who have passed into history. (I feel that strong connection when I read things that evoke feelings commong to modern people like Donne's sympathetic love poetry, Jane Austen's quick read on people, and of course Shakespeare's eternal affection for people and their foibles that make his plays so beloved.)

Anyway, when I was a teenager I first began to realize that despite what I was brought up to believe, boys were not smarter than me. This is a complicated lesson, because girls nowadays are not brought up to believe that all boys are smarter. But I was brought up to believe that the guys in whatever class of people I ended up hanging out would be smarter than the girls of that class. Since I was a bright, nerdy teenager (Yeah, I know, hard to believe. To break another common stereotype, I will have you know that I have never worn glasses and my eyesight is so scary good by genetics that I probably won't have to until long after I would have been eligible for Social Security if Bush the All-Wonderful hadn't taken it away. Not that I said that. I know that it's a thought crime in the America of my retirement years.) , I ended up hanging out with the boys that were considered the smart, nerdy boys. So, I was allowed that I may be smarter than most men, but of course I could not be brighter than the men I hung around.

That a couple of guys in my nerdy social circle scored better on the SATs than I did just confirmed what was assumed--girls can be smart, but they can't be the smartest.

A year after I graduated and moved away from college, after a year of tolerating having my and all women's intelligence degraded by hearing things like women aren't 50% of musicians because women just can't write or play, I found myself sitting in my parent's front yard with a male friend who was scary good at intelligence tests like the SATs, a guy who always implied I was smart...for a girl.

Anyway, there was no sexual tension between us. But we were talking about the book Lolita, which we both had both read in the past 3 months. I love that book--it's brillant, funny, deep, the whole bit. I was praising it, and my friend laughed and said that there was no way I "got" Lolita. I didn't know what he meant and said so. He just shook his head and said that women can't get that book because we cannot ever understand that sort of overwhelming lust that so drives men.

As you can imagine, my mind went fifteen places at once at that statement. At the time I said, "Well, I know you don't believe me, but women suffer from lust as much as men do." He didn't believe me, but we didn't argue it. Because, I was thinking about something else.

Lolita is about lust, but it's about so, so much more. It's about America vs. Europe. It's about language, mostly. It's about how we humans can wish so much for reason and yet are destroyed by our flesh and our desire. It's about how we build up images of ourselves that flatter but can be destroyed by just a brush with having the mirror put up to us. But if you are a woman, it may be easier to see the theme lurking under these--Lolita's story itself, the message of which is that women persist on being and living even after they have been objectified, dehumanized and abused. And I realized suddenly that I understood so much more than my supposedly brilliant friend did.

Women come to feminism from different places. But the biggest impetus for me was this, realizing that the casual belief that I couldn't be smarter than the boys was all lies. When I read writings from history of women who came to this realization from all different places, the importance of feminism as a movement becomes clear. When I realized that I was being mistreated for the silly reason that people were mistaken about my sex, I was able to find writings, other women, a whole world to help me make sense of this experience. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have these revelations in a world where no one else was there to assure you that you knew of what you spoke.

228 Comments:

Blogger Barbara Preuninger said...

You reminded me of my high-school experience and the "smart boys" I encountered. I had a crush on a boy who I thought was so brilliant, I constantly felt like I was looking up to him, etc. (and he always "acted the part" too - sort of like that guy who thought he knew "Lolita" so much better than you)

Turns out I did better than him on the SATs.

Not that I really think SATs are the end all and be all of intelligence, of course. But that experience woke me up a bit.

In college, I knew I guy who told me that the computer class I was in was sooo hard, how he barely scraped a C, etc. That I should drop out as soon as I could (because naturally, I would never do better than he did) Since I was a naive first-year, I really did worry about it for a time, but I stuck with the class anyway. When I ended up acing the class, that guy was unbelievably pissed... THAT experience also opened my eyes - i.e. There's a lot resting on men's view of themselves as smarter.

2/12/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An ex-friend of mine (who also found it funny to make hillarious jokes about rape and child abuse in front of survivors) has a theory that women are simply incapable of understanding the film Twelve Monkeys.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger delagar said...

Heh.

Here at our university, we give this test to in-coming freshmen, which measures, among other things, both their self-confidence and their intellectual habits.

Male students *think* they're really smart and have really lousy skills: don't bother to study or prep for class or show up (because they're so smart they don't have to, see?)

Female students are sure they're intellectually inferior and have really good habits: prep for classes, study hard, show up for all classes.

Who does better in school?

This transfers, I think, beyond our admittedly gloomy little school (we're a small low-rent manufacuring town, where the average income is somewhere around 20,000 a year): to wit:

Men (generally)already think they know the answers, so they don't have to think about things. Therefore, they don't find or discover all there is to be discovered -- all the other things that are there to be discovered. (To use Amanda's example, they think, Lolita is about lust. Case closed.)

Women aren't sure they know the answer. Therefore, they think. And think. And keep thinking. And therefore are more likely to find out more things.

This is reductive, because obviously not all men and (God KNOWS) not all women are like this (don't I wish they were), but I put it forth for what it's worth.

2/12/2005

 
Anonymous Diane said...

Amanda, your take on Lolita is, in my opinion, spot-on. I watched the original film again recently (I love James Mason) and it was as great as ever. The young girl as the mirror in which the middle-aged man sees a shadow of his youthful self easily becomes the stuff of obsesion (I thought this concept was also handled well in American Beauty). Part of this phenomenon has to do with the male sexual makeup, yes, but I think another part has to do with the lack of emotional connections in the lives of men. That is why divorced men remarry so quickly--they lack emotional connections, but cannot see past the ugency of their loneliness.

Your post made me remember a lot of things. When I was in high school, the counselor called me in and said she was sorry she couldn't get me a summer job, but she looked up my transcript and saw I had never taken typing. That was a small turning point for me--the presumption was so outrageous (just as outrageous was that I had taught myself how to type when I was 12 and didn't need their stupid class).

Just out of graduate school, I applied for a job with my undergradulate college, and was told by the man doing the hiring that he couldn't give the position to a "girl" because it involved traveling!

I always made very good grades, and I don't recall anyone explicitly telling me I couldn't possibly be smarter than boys, but I knew I wasn't supposed to be. I didn't care.

Female athletes and female musicians have had a terrible time of it, with the athletes being told (right up until a couple of decades ago) that they would hurt themselves (and especially those birth-giving parts) if they competed in a number of athletic events. Study after study shows that when an accomplishment, a statement, a piece of writing or art, etc. is labeled as being done by a man, it garners much more praise and acceptance than if it is known that it was created by a woman.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger Rachel said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger Rachel said...

Jeez, I'm thankful that I grew up in the 70s with a mother who read Ms. (and who got us the Free To Be You and Me record). I have to say that I never thought boys were smarter than me, although I did know that they didn't think the fact that I was smarter than them was attractive.

Now that I think about it, my first two boyfriends (in my 20s - as I said, I knew my intelligence was a problem!) were pretty adamant that they were smarter than me and that their fields of study were tougher than mine. I shudder now in the safety of my late 30s and wonder why the hell I put up with that.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger heydt said...

This brings up an interesting (to me, anyway) question... Have any of you ever been told by a boyfriend that he thought you were smarter/in a more difficult field of study/did a harder or more complicated job? And not in condescension, but actually meaning it? I suppose this ties into the "nice guys" issue as well, as I suppose the purportive "nice guy" might say such a thing, but only as a means to an end. I'm curious whether any of you has ever had a guy tell you this sincerely, and believe it himself.

And, actually, for the other men reading this blog, have any of the guys ever had a gal tell them that they were smarter, etc.?

2/12/2005

 
Blogger heydt said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger Aunt B said...

Hee, I hadn't thought about this in a long time, but in my tiny high school there were five of us who all had nearly the same GPA. So, when it came to deciding who was going to be valedictorian and salutatorian, the person with the best GPA was a girl, but they had her share the valedictorian honors with a boy. I can remember being there when they told her this was for his sake because he was going on to college (as if she wasn't also going on to college). The salutatorian was the guy I tutored in math, who had the same gradepoint average as me, but for some reason (ha) he was lone salutatorian.

The guy we all cheated off of in Physics was fifth in the class. And, funny enough, he was the only one who spoke up at the time and said that they were rigging the thing against the girls.

2/12/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your high school experience was very similar to mine. Most of my friends were boys and they usually thought they were smarter than me, though they knew better than to say so. Most of the girls in my classes sat toward the back of the class and rarely spoke up or participated-maybe they were intimidated by the more outspoken boys. Luckily I left all that behind to go to a women's college where all the women were smart and outgoing. There wasn't anyone there to tell us that we weren't as good as the boys because there weren't any boys around and that sort of statement probably would have gotten the person fired. Now I'm back in the co-ed world of biology graduate school and the women often stick to the back and don't speak up and the men probably think they're smarter. No one would ever dare say that someone was smarter because of his/her sex. However, I have noticed that the women in my lab, including myself, have a much harder time getting attention from the boss and having him believe their data.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger Amerikat said...

...she looked up my transcript and saw I had never taken typing.My high school counselor told me I couldn't take BASIC programming and should try keyboarding instead, although I already typed 100 wpm at the time. I was too young to think about fighting back so I went with the stupid keyboarding class. He also later told my mother that he didn't think I was smart enough to get accepted to x university, but I was. Wanker.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger Lanoire said...

Have any of you ever been told by a boyfriend that he thought you were smarter/in a more difficult field of study/did a harder or more complicated job? And not in condescension, but actually meaning it?Yep. I was the Smart Girl in high school and it was generally accepted as fact that I was as smart as or smarter than the Smart Guys. But I was also definitely perceived as Not-Sexual. I was kind of a cross between "geeky girl who helps you with your homework but who you don't date" and "smart-ass snarky sarcastic chick who you laugh with but don't date."

I loved stories and reading and just about anything to do with words from when I was very, very young, so I learned a lot and got used to intellectual activity from a young age and I definitely felt like I was smart. Plus, starting from kindergarten, the teachers would separate the kids into "reading groups" based on how good you were at reading (though they didn't tell you that part, it was easy to figure out).

So I always felt smart. But at the same time, I felt like I was different from other girls because I was smart. It was like being a smart girl put me into a third sexual category, not male or truly female. I wasn't an "honorary male" but at the same time I wasn't a normal girl either--more like androgynous.

Interestingly, though, smart guys in my school were sort of in the same position--they were also sometimes perceived as androgynous.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger FoolishOwl said...

Heydt, yes, I used to get a lot of unearned praise for intelligence from women, especially when I was in my teens. It eventually began to upset me, when I started to realize that I wasn't actually doing anything to merit the praise I was getting, and that some of the women I knew were more intelligent and much more creative than I was.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger Lanoire said...

I have a lot more to say about this and will post at length on my blog, but just to throw something else out there: at my school, it was accepted that girls could study hard and get good grades, but it was mostly boys who were considered "naturally smart." A lot of girls who got good grades got snide comments like "oh, she just studies her ass off all the time."

It was like girls could do tame, feminine things like study hard and please teachers--but only boys were capable of true independent intelligence.

Anyone else see this idea around?

2/12/2005

 
Blogger FoolishOwl said...

Linnet, yes, I was still seeing that sort of thing in college, especially in my philosophy classes. Men thought they were geniuses and should be mounted on pedestals, women thought they were just good students. Being a genius was supposed to be sexy; being a good student wasn't.

2/12/2005

 
Blogger zuzu said...

Linnet, I had the same experience in high school, though I was the fat girl, therefore asexual, and therefore I'd better use my brains. My thinner sister was discouraged from using her brains.

It's really amazing what a number sexism does on smart women. I can remember getting really irritated with the mousy way this one woman in my law school class used to offer her opinion in class -- "Um, well, I was just going to say --" And she was the freakin' editor-in-chief of the law review!

2/13/2005

 
Blogger Rachel said...

Yeah, I've had a boyfriend say I was smarter than him. Not just in private, mind you, but in public and to other people. Dear reader, I married him.

2/13/2005

 
Blogger Sally said...

I could swear I remembered reading somewhere about a study that showed that American boys tended to attribute their academic successes to innate intelligence and their academic failures to lack of hard work, while American girls tended to attribute their academic successes to hard work and their failures to innate stupidity. So yeah, I think it's pretty widespread.

And I think it's the reason that in college and grad school women are so much more susceptable than men to imposter syndrome. We attribute our accomplishments to hard work, not intelligence, so in a setting where people really stress innate intelligence, we think we're frauds. The irony, of course, is that things like perserverence and good time-management are often more important than intelligence when it comes to succeeding in college and grad school. But confidence is important, too, and that's what we tend to lack.

2/13/2005

 
Blogger FoolishOwl said...

I was unsettled once in high school, when there'd been a creative writing competition, and I'd been unable to come up with anything to enter into the competition. One day, a woman I knew only slightly asked me if I'd take a look at the collection of poems she'd submitted.

I'd already seen some submissions from friends of mine, the ones generally known for being really smart and talented, and I'd thought they were awful. So, I was very surprised when I read this woman's poems, and found them to be very, very good.

So I told her I thought they were really good, better than anything anyone else had written or that I could write, and she thanked me, and said it meant a lot, coming from me.

And that was the upsetting part. Why should there be anything special about praise from me?

Later on, I found out that this woman had been taking classes on writing at a community college (thirty miles away), and was working as an assistant to a photographer so she could learn about photography, and in general was doing a great deal to explore art and creativity beyond what anyone else I knew at the time was doing. Yet she still had this excessive humility.

2/13/2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember my first boyfriend telling me that he didn't think he could be in a relationship with someone who was more intelligent than him.

He broke up with me shortly after. Not a very nice way to tell me I was smarter than him, but there it is.

Karen.

2/14/2005

 
Blogger ScottM said...

And, actually, for the other men reading this blog, have any of the guys ever had a gal tell them that they were smarter, etc.? By heydt, at 4:44 PMYes, and my standard "different strengths" response is often derided. Still, I'm confident that it's true; I've developed mathematical skills for my profession, but I'd never make it in lit. analysis or philosophy. Numbers are easier to establish firmly as correct/incorrect, but that simplicity shouldn't make it a stronger measure. 'Cause I certainly wouldn't win much on Jeopardy.

Interestingly, though, smart guys in my school were sort of in the same position--they were also sometimes perceived as androgynous. By Linnet, at 8:38 PMVery true. Being smart isn't a social plus, certainly not in the same way as athleticism. There were exceptions though; some very smart women in honors & AP classes were also cheerleaders or socially successful; some guys were smart but also football players. If your sole defining trait was being smart... both men and women were judged asexual.

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